Thursday, May 21, 2015

Do you feel he wants the best for me?

Dear Amara,
Hello. I hope I am going about this the right way. It is my first time writing. I have been following your page for a few weeks now, since I learned of it from a post of someone on my friend's list. First, Please hide my identity and notify me once you post. So the story is that, I met this guy online on a website we both frequent, in the year 2013 . We got to know each other and became as intimate as can be for a long distance relationship. After a year or nearly a year, he asked me to marry him. Seeing as the relationship is online and that he lives all the way in Denmark, and we have not met in person. I only half halfheartedly took him seriously. I suggested it would be best that we first meet a few times in person. To which he replied that he agreed with. Due to financial reasons on both our parts, we never got to see each other in the flesh, only communicating via video camera etc. I suppose this put my answer to whether I would marry him on a standstill, and it began to cause serious arguments, eventually it lead to a really big fight. We both said hurtful things to each other and we just...drifted apart. Last year August if I remember correctly he contacted me again, and we decided to become friends. We told each other of our lives since the argument and I found out he is engaged to a Filipino who he lives with. While he was telling me this, we both befriended each other on facebook and I got a look of his page. He calls her by a different name than is her given name and ask him casually why he calls her that. He then started asking me how I knew her name. I told him she is posted on his facebook and I can see her real name. All of a sudden he was accusing me of stalking him and demanding of me what else I know about them. I became really angry, but still tried to point out that we just became friends and she is on his facebook page.I asked him why would I stalk him or even stalk his girl when I didn't even know who she was. It ended up that he blocked me. A few weeks later I received an email from him, explaining that his girlfriend was jealous of our relationship we once had and that she freaked out because I saw her name and that lead to his blocking me and how he was sorry for being a jerk and if I would consider becoming friends with both him and his finance. I thought about it for a while, I thought that it was very peculiar that he went to the extremes of blocking me and pretending I was a stalker just for his girl but I decided to be friends with him albeit giving him a tongue lashing about how he treats his friends. We took up our friendship again, but then things he would do and say I became very uncomfortable and angry about. To me he would seem very pretentious in his friendship with me and then at another time, he seems genuinely sincere. Sometimes he has a habit of taking a long while to reply to my messages when we were constantly going back and forth in a good conversation. He would send a message saying sorry,he had to take a shower with his girlfriend, or sorry, he was watching a movie and fell asleep. This to me seems he does not want to be friends. At first I tried to talk to him about his behaviour, and I told him this was not how to treat a friend, which he very well knows. He would make it look like I am jealous or complaining about foolishness. Even go as far as telling me that I am jealous of his girlfriend. I told him if he wants me to be friends with his girlfriend she should also be respectful of his friends and that we cannot continue our friendship if she does not show some maturity. We didn't talk for a week and then he comes apologizing again. Whenever we talk now, he is more careful but very sneaky, I think. If I say, I like to curl my hair, he would say things like, his girlfriend does that too. If I mention that I am buying a new set of makeup set, he would say things like his girlfriend does things too. Its like he was comparing us and trying very hard to make his girlfriend be out like she is better than me. I have always wanted to go to university, he has known that since we met. But due to financial reasons I have not been able to attend just as yet. The other day, he was telling me I could do AU pairing to come to Denmark and at least get get some money. This AU pairing was what his girlfriend does. When I did my research I realized AU pairing was not really a job but a cultural exchange which many people exploit. I was thinking the pay is not all that much, but it would allow me to save since I would not pay for food and rent, and eventually go to university. Today he was saying things like when I get some experience I can take care of him and his girlfriend's kids. I told him to go fuck himself and that he was wicked and for how long does he expect me to do the AU pairing for since I always wanted to go to college, he laughed and said it was just a joke, but based on his attitude from the past, I really don't feel he wants the best for me or see me as a friend, and wants to bring me down some how. Am I paranoid, or am I right? Please give your opinion. And I am sorry for the long paragraphs. I am eager for your opinion. Thank you much in advance

Dear sender,
When a man gives you excuses and reasons why you are not good enough for him, then it is time you take a long walk and never return.
From all you said, he neither care about your emotions nor does he worry about your future.
I do not know why you want to be his friend but clearly he does not see anything good in you.
Possibly his present girlfriend is his priority and i feel its time to let him know you have a destiny,pride and future you cherish so much.
Whether he hopes to help you or not does not count, you need to give him space to focus on his girl.
Please I would suggest you build yourself up and give your heart to your passion.
If he truly respects you, he wont compare you with anyone nor say anything intentionally to demean your personality or hurt you.
You have a bright future ahead of you, please do not let anyone discourage you from being the very best you are destined to be.


  1. Lol.... funny post. Please give him a very long distance and don't ever think of being his acquaintance let alone friend. He is only using you to prove to his girlfriend that he loves her. He doesn't care @ all about you, what you feel or your future. You can do much better without him so please stop killing yourself emotionally #cheers

  2. This girl is like one of those girls with no self-respect. Oh girl, grow up and ask for brains

  3. Madam poster get serious with your life as u r telling the story are you happy with ur self. Plz advice ur self.......

  4. Baby girl, u are as paranoid as paranoid can be. U are simply jealous and over abmitious, would I say very desperate to hook up with this guy bcos he stays abroad.

    U need to get a grip on urself and thin straight. Its over, he is no longer into u, let him be and enjoy his babe. U don't need to compete with his woman. If u wrote this post without help, u are intelligent enough to work anywhere. Know urself and forge ahead in life. U can make money wherever u are and go to college.

    U messed up, remedy it by being normal and living right.

    1. @ Jideofor Chinwuba, U`re very right.

  5. Break every connection with him girl. Out of sight is 90% out of mind. Get another means to go to school and let him know that you can live ur life happily without him. All the best

  6. Na wa oooo! Dis one pass novel. Get a life gf and forget dia dude

  7. I don't just get what the poster problem is, i agree with Jideofor, pls get a life and stop living in delusions and wasting ur time with a loser u met online.

  8. dis story too long oo, i never finish reading it, but from d once i read, just forget everything about dis guy.. dis unfriend, friend again, block and unblock is too much

  9. Dear poster, what are you doing? What in the name of stupidity (sorry Amara, it really is stupidity) is this? Are you waiting for the man to dump his woman for you? See how you are disrespecting yourself for an unserious boy. Please sister, respect yourself and cut this man off. He is not even worth having as a friend. Ladies please and please learn to respect yourselves...ah ah ogini?


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