Thursday, May 21, 2015

The Issue of Age in Marriage's different strokes. Whatever you decide to do with your life is up to you. In Africa, it's widely believed that a woman should be younger than her husband. Christians also believe that is the way nature wants it-Adam was created before Eve. 

Is it wrong? No; what makes it right or wrong is the attitude of the individuals involved. 

On the part of the woman; is she ready and willing to submit to the man irrespective of age? What makes her think she
won't create problems in the home by seeing him as her younger sibling? Will she allow him be a man and not emasculate him? How ready is she to trust his judgments? Women naturally feel they know better than men and sometimes, it looks like we know how to handle things better (even when we don't know). Don't forget; women age faster than men, are you willing and ever ready to go the extra mile in keeping fit, beautiful, and trendy?

As the man, can he can handle it? It's not about what is said at the beginning when infatuation is in control. According to my people (Igbos), what people say on their way back from the market is always different from what they say while going to the market. How ready is this guy to stand tall, above criticisms from friends and relatives? Friends will constantly remind him that he is married to his auntie or elder sister, depending on age difference. He will daily hang out with his age mates who come around with much younger ladies; can he cope? A guy I know got married to a woman who is just three years older. Initially, he felt civilized and polished, he did well until he started seeing friends show up with younger babes. Now, church is the only place he goes to with the wife. Friday nights out and parties? He's single or with another younger babe. 

Another question to look into is his ability to handle things in the home and get issues settled without bringing the age issue in? A friend in church married this younger artiste, helped his career, and stood by him through thick and thin. The moment the guy started making it, problems came. He began to remind her, over every little misunderstanding, that she was being rude because she's older. His inability to see her as a wife who needs love coupled with the mouth of the wicked church members ruined the marriage. 

Are guys alone in this? Certainly no. Some young women have settled for much older men just for their pocket. These ones are not in that marriage for love; they just want to enjoy their life. Many of them have their husband's sons gracing their bed. Others use the man's money to maintain a younger guy outside. To these ones, it's not about happiness; it's more about money in the bank. But like I always say, it's their life and we all have to live with the consequences of our individual choices. 

In marriage, I believe that age matters as much as it doesn't matter. Some guys can cope with a one year or two years difference, but when you, the woman, is about ten years older, only a few can handle it. I have also taken time to look at guys going for much older women; a good number of them are lazy gigolos who want a soft landing in life. In our part of the world, they are not always very proud of their choices. 

Like I said earlier, it's your life and what you do with it is nobody's business. It worked for some; it left others shattered in life. Whatever your choice; whichever way you choose to go, be ready to live with the consequences of your choice. 

Good luck 


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