Friday, June 26, 2015

I'm getting fed up with our marriage.

I'm confused. Sincerely I don't know where to start from.  I'm just 25 and I'm married I've known my husband for 6 years now we got married last year we dated for a year and God just blessed us with a child this year
I have a very dirty past and I told my husband about it while we were friends. When he proposed to me I was reluctant to say yes at first reminded him of my past too and he promised never to use it against me
He used to be very caring and loving when we were friends and when we started dating he won't even allow a fly to perch on me but now that we are married the reverse is the case he does not care what happens to me he's just particular about his child .
I also observed that while we were friends he lived a fake life and when we started dating I called his attention to it and he apologised and explained all to me,  thought it was over not knowing that he only covered his lie with another.
Now a lady can not pass without him looking at them in a lustful manner. He cheats on me, opened a new Facebook Account to over up his infidelity but fortunately I found out.
Another bad habit of his is that whenever we have a civilised discussion as a couple he will still inform his family members about it before the final decision would be made.
He is self employed but does not really support me financially I do all I can bearing in mind that I can sort out myself,  recently I got broke and asked him for some stipend he acted so irrational saying I should not stress his finances and I was so shocked cos I've never asked him for money before.
I went as far as clothing him, stocking the house with food. Paying 68% of the house rent and lots more ...but people would think he's doing it all cos of the way he talks
The most painful part is that my parents warned me that we should not get married but since i loved him with all my heart and was so determined they gave their consent but his attitude is making the love I have for him to die down gradually
Recently my mum just told me that his mum said we are not supposed to get married if not that we have chosen wedding date
When we go out together he shows off a lot people will pray to have him as a husband but when we are alone it's something else entirely.
He always watch porn and ask for sex on a daily basis regardless of my mood. The most annoying part of it was,  I could be breastfeeding and he will start fondling the other b****** waiting for me to respond . Some days back I ignored him and asked him to let me be cos I was exhausted he got angry and went as far as accusing me of calling his family members witches....
Please permit me to stop here....don't know what to do I'm getting fed up and our marriage is less than a year ....and a whole lot of things that I've always tried to ignore.  please I need your advice.

Dear sender, 
It may not be what you expected but it is actually what many couples go through after the endless promises and forever loving and all that you can't remember, you would be faced with the naked truth of who you are married to, what he can or can't do and his limitations as a human being. 
It wouldn't be surprising if you paid more attention to the signs and signals he gave to you during courtship but as many women normally did, you ignored it hoping that your love would overcome his shortcomings which unfortunately would never be as rosy as you wish. 
The first thing you should do is to learn and master the art of communicating with him. 
Find out the best time for him to listen to you, get to know those things that he loves most and pay more attention to what his passion is in life. 
When you get hold of him as your husband, you would know how best to approach him and lovingly pour your heart to him. 
Whenever you get those opportunities like when he comes touching you, use those moments to subtly ask him some questions not in a bid to judge but to understand him better. 
That would give you greater control in your home and help you to manage his weaknesses. 
Please try as much as you can never to deprive him of his conjugal privileges, it is one of your greatest weapons to win him totally to yourself. 
It is only in moments like that, that you would get to know the baby, the boy and the man in him. 
It is also in those moments that you could get him to listen and losen up to you. 
Make sure you use what you have to grind him so much so that he wouldn't find any pleasure in watching a movie when you are there to make it happen. 
Make it sensational, romantic, awesome and as crazy as you can. 
Own it and use it to reassure him that what he has is incomparable with what he seek for outside. 
Most often, there is communication breakdown when the intimacy is boring and routinely cold. 
At the early stages of marriage, love making remains one of your greatest tools to making him appreciate you more and more. 
And when you could make him feel fulfilled, he could give you much more than you could imagine. 
When you have gotten a firm grip on his waist, of course you can talk to him and he would gladly listen to you and even go ahead to do your bidding. 
As for some of his attitude and all that, please be patient with him and continue to do your part. 
Remember that marriage is a lifetime journey and you may ever know what tomorrow would deliver but you can depend on him who knows much more than you think or imagine to give you the grace, wisdom and understanding to overcome every hurdle that may come your way. 
Be steadfast with prayers and also devote yourself to your family. 
If there are skills or something you are passionate about, use this privilege to learn them and also use them to create wealth for yourself. 
For him to accept you unconditionally shows that truly he has good intentions and he appreciates you for who you are. 
See these challenges as your own personal commitment towards seeing him become a better husband, father and a man of integrity. 
I know you would overcome these in due time, please be humble, hopeful and positive that someday you would be happy for the wonderful impact you have made in his life and your family. 


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