Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Does he really love me?

Am 23 years old,a graduate waiting for my NYSC call.
There is this young man that am in love with,actually I was the person that liked him first and expressed my mind and feelings to him.
We ended up being friends and we really fell in love with each other he is 34 years old.He was a lecturer before he just resigned last christmas.He wants to pursue his real purpose and really work towards his true goal in life.
After like three months we fell in love.I decided to ask him to define what we were doing.
He said we are doing friendship,when I noticed that there were some limitations that he was giving me in our friendship like a bridge in communication.He does not want to talk to me everyday,there was no commitment.
When I asked him why because it began to hurt me,he said he does not want to go very deep with me because we will not marry so that when we break, it will not hurt us too much.
I asked him since he said he loves me and he has never met anybody with a golden heart like mine...then why and how will he be so sure and already concluded that we cant marry.
He now said that he already knows what will be and what will not be.I said ok,that I know how I love that if he keeps being in my life,telling me he loves me,showing it practically too that it would be hard for me to move on and be able to love another.
He started begging me not to leave him truthfully that he really loves me,am really confused.
I have always wanted to leave him but he keeps wanting me and do not want to leave me.
I really love this guy because he is really the only guy that has helped me keep myself as a lady.
We are very happy and am always happy and have peace of mind when we talk or am with him.him .
We are very compatible and am really connected to him,he has accepted me for who I am and always thrives to add value to my life.
He is very disciplined and lives a very upright life.I am really proud of him,he is a friend worth having and he knows what it means to be a father and a husband from the way I see him.
He has female friends but he is very disciplined still,my pain is that I do not know if he is just saying that we will not marry because he has not really established himself financially like the way he wants even though he is comfortable sha but don't really have anything tangible doing for now cos he is still preparing himself for his dreams which is almost ready to start so he does not want to promise me marriage or he is really saying it cos he can't marry me even if is possible or he is ready for marriage.
I am truly confused ma.I really love him and am true to him.
But he always tells me that he will never leave me and we are stuck up for life and also says things like his blessings are my blessings,sometimes he will just talk as if he dnt just want to promise anybody anything or give her hope a times he talks lik he is just sure that we are not meant to be
Ma, am not desperate for marriage,I am also very hopeful in life and to the best of my knowledge I have a good heart cos that's what he said that attracted him to me but just like you said in one of your posts. 
Sometimes we love someone and wish to have them forever, is just like in the case of finding the right virtues in the 'wrong' man.
Tried severaly to move on but he won't let me stay on my own and I love him too much.
Please what can I do ma?please I would love you to reply me personally.I want to know what you think...
Thanks.dream to be a relationship adviser too just like you.
I feel is my calling.thanks.

Dear sender,
Thanks for your kind compliment and I pray that God would grant you the desire of your heart.
I admire your sincerity and honesty in your mail.
I also love the courage and confidence you had to approach the man you love and tell him what you feel for him.
However you know that if you present yourself to an emotionally unavailable or emotionally unprepared man,you would have to be the one to run the show for him.
That was what was playing out when he decided not to be communicating with you and appear less interested in you.
That also made him say the things he said to dampen your feelings but seeing that you meant what you said and was even teaching him how to woo you, he had to dance to your beating at least for the mean time so that you wouldn't feel bad about him.
He may have all the qualities you need and may be the perfect man you desire but how sure are you that he feels the same way for you?
How sure are you that this risk would pay off with time?
He looks like a man who may not be forthcoming, who would rely on another to express his feelings to you but my major concern is, are you convinced that you are on the same page with you?
Stop making assumptions and estimations and calculations, make out time to discuss things with him.
Don't tell him what to say or do, let him really redefine the relationship.
You can't be his friend and expect you to be waiting for him when you don't know what plans he has for you.
I feel you love him deeply and I understand he has genuinely helped and encouraged you but Wisdom demands that he open up specifically and sincerely to you so that you do not get disappointed later in life.
Withdraw from him so that he could seek you,give him reasons to miss you and observe what his reactions would be.
That would help you know if he really desire to be with you or just around you because you made yourself available to him.
Pray over this,and remember that your greatest priority would be to marry a partner who God had ordained for you and not the one you chose for yourself.
Be patient and be hopeful, trusting God to perfect the desires of your heart.


  1. Hello! I'm really impressed by your courage which I saw when you said you approached him yourself, meaning you went for what you want(ed). I wish your friend is ready to see how much you love him, I also wish you get to know him well in order to understand what he really wants in future because from the look of things, he is letting you know you two won't end up together, sounding it so clear to you. My dear there is an extent to which you'll have to try your best and if it isn't working out, then you need to make a tough decision.

    Seriously it's kind of nice for him to tell you before time that the relationship isn't going to lead to anywhere so you won't base all your being in the relationship to avoid fatal heartbreak when it's time to part ways. I don't know your guy neither do I know his fears or what he is up to, but he must have his reason(s) for telling you about shunning the marriage stuff.

    Come to think of it, I'm surprised he has told you he isn't gonna get married to you and yet he doesn't want you to leave his side, he wants you to remain with him. Maybe you need to take things easy when it comes to the love affair between you both, it's best you remain on that friendship pace and nothing attached, so when it's time to move ahead no one will get hurt.

    God bless your courage.

  2. I think he's this nice guy who is friendly and treats people well, he's just being himself but you've fallen so deep for him. The issue here is that both of you are not on same page, he sees you as a friend he needs to help to achieve her dreams thats all, while you see him as a husband, probably he may have someone in mind who he's tripping for and his dream wife, moreover he tells you those lovely things because he doesn't want to hurt you, but he's very careful not to say what he can't do.

    The irony of life is that , we chase what keeps running away from us and refrain things that becons us.
    I admire your courage but you see, its also good for the man to do the chasing, so you don't end up building what does not exist.

    I'll advise, you ask him again and if he says just friends, take the response and move on with your life, if he changes his mind tomorrow, fine but then remove marriage with him from your mind

  3. My dear I no is not easy but please move on don't listen to him Cux he's trying not to hurt you.

  4. My dear I no is not easy but please move on don't listen to him Cux he's trying not to hurt you.


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