Sunday, July 5, 2015

How can I handle an unforgiving fiancée?

Good day auntie are you today?
please I want to ask,how can one handle an unforgiving Fiance?
Our wedding is coming up in August 29th but he has unforgiving mind.
Anytime we have little misunderstanding,he switch off.
He will habour the anger as long as God knows when.
Please how do I deal with it cos this attitude is killing me softly.
I am the type that let go easily as long as he ask me to forgive him but if am the one,he will harden his mind towards me.
please help me cos am losing my mind.
Thank you.

Dear sender,
You have to begin with effective communication.
Do not wait till you are married to him to express your pains, frustrations and worries about his attitude and unforgiving spirit.
I have to be honest with you, nobody can cope with an unforgiving spirit because it brings emotional torture and sometimes leads to depression.
Every successful or succeeding marriage is built on two forgiving and supportive partners who understands and appreciates the imperfections of humanity and is willing to help the other in their areas of weakness not by keeping silent or malice at the expense of the other's pains and agony.
Whenever there is a misunderstanding, or a mistake, whether from you or him, it should be discussed and trashed out before the day runs out.
If possible which should be, no issues should stay unresolved beyond 24hours no matter how painful or disappointing that may have been.
But if you are convinced that you have all it takes to live with an unforgiving spirit (I call it spirit because most times people who don't forgive easily keep records of everything that you have done no matter how significant or otherwise it may have been,irrespective of who maybe talking to them)
Then these few tips may help you whenever you are confronted with such.
Those who don't forgive have much burden in their heart.
It could be someone who may have offended them in the past or something that may have made them feel worried and troubled. So they do need a lot of compassion and consideration.
Also remember that he may be struggling with something which maybe why he finds it difficult to let go.
Do not react to him with anger and worries but with joy, and gentleness of spirit.
Just like David helped Saul calm down with music, try to use the things he cherish so much to soothe his spirit.
He may never open up to you when you need him to so do not border trying to get words out of his mind especially when you may have done something not so good and you have apologized for it.
Instead give him some space and attend to his need.
Whenever he needs your company or attention, he would seek for you.
Always know when he needs his space and do not encroach on it and please be mindful that jokes may trigger him depending on his temperament.
Because unforgiveness accumulates anger, he maybe prone to do something that may be a bit violent so you would need to know when to talk to him and what you say.
An unforgiving spirit expects nothing but perfection even though he isn't one and may find it difficult to accept corrections. They don't joke with their egos so please you need a lot of wisdom, understanding, tolerance, patience and a heavy dose of love from God to enjoy your marriage with him.
There is nothing God cannot do, he can transform him to be loving, forgiving and considerate, however the challenge has always been, can you endure the frustrations and pains that comes with waiting and praying for him to embrace the light of forgiveness and love.
I pray that God will give you the grace and wisdom to help him become a better man and husband to you and your children.


  1. Aunty Amara eh...... All these precautions just to live with someone you call your husband? God forbid biko! Abeg,is she entering a trap,or a marriage? ‪#Quick‬Downloads™101

  2. Can you live like this,assuming he does not change? ‪#Quick‬Downloads™101


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