Saturday, July 25, 2015

I suspected he's into men!

Hello Aunty. I need your advice and that of your fans. I'm in my mid twenties, i got married to a man that i love some five years ago, I got pregnant immediately and gave birth to a son. We were living happily and he was well to do. 
Few months after having my son I started to suspect that my husband is gay. Let me give you instances, once I was supposed to go to his village to spend the weekend with his parents, but on the way, I changed my mind only for me to go home and see poop stains on the bed. Not from my baby though because he had his cot then. 
He came back later that night with a guy that Is his friend. He was going to stay through out the weekend and prior to this, my husband never told me he was coming to spend the weekend. 
On another occasion, when I went back to school, my neighbor called me to tell me that my husband threw a party and all in attendance were men. I asked him and he lied saying it was a friend and his wife that came around for the weekend. 
I let it all pass cos I wanted peace. Then one day we quarrelled cos he came back with one of his male friends that I overheard him asking if he wanted his happiness after our wedding. This guy was about 25 years old then, while my husband was 33 but my husband bought him the same clothes and shoes as his and they dressed alike whenever they're going out. I warned my husband severally that i don't want to be seeing that guy in our home again. 
So when they came i just said hi to the guy and went inside my room. My hubby asked me to serve dinner I did but I didn't eat and I wasn't laughing or smiling when I served them. The guy tried joking with me but I ignored him totally more like i snubbed him. My husband came into our room and beat me up cos I was rude to him. That was the first time he ever did that. 
One day my husband travelled and left his iPad, i opened Facebook only for me to see messages between him and his group of gay men. It was disgusting. They were discussing who they've f**ked in common (sorry for using the F word). 
Most of them were married men. I and my husband hardly make love maybe once in the months or more if I disturbed him, he tells me I love sex a lot. 
Imagine a girl in her early twenties just 21 actually being deprived of sex. Then I called him and confronted him, he flew back and pleaded with me to forgive and I did thinking he would change. 
I told my elder sister, she said I should come back home but i refused. I chose to stay and pray with him thinking he would change but he got worse. I started finding more proofs, he pleads I forgive. 
Then I recommended deliverance, he refused I followed him cos I was still nursing but I later found out he never did them. Then later he didn't care that i knew, the sex stopped entirely cos he couldn't have an erection anymore. 
Then came the beatings and endless fights. Then the following year I found a book where he wrote the names of men and boys he had slept with and dates. 
I was shocked. They were over 300. He beat me that night and the next day I ran back home with my son. 
After that, my parents called his parents and his parents said since I've decided to leave let me cater for myself and child. I had to go back and sell his house properties to be able to pay my school fees and put my son in school. 
Just last year he called and said he wanted to take part in his son's life and I let him. My son is now on vacation with him. 
Now, my fear is, will he cease my son from me, can my son turn gay if he associates with him, he hasn't asked for forgiveness but if he does should I forgive him? 
NB, the pride price hasn't been returned but I've since been dating. 
Am I committing adultery? His family has refused to take the bride price, how do we return it cos as it is, I don't love him anymore. 
And I stopped praying for him cos he still does it. 
Sorry for the length of my message. 
Please Aunty may I know when you post it

Dear sender,
Its simply pathetic that you got marriedmarried to a bisexual man/gay man as your husband.
It made me wonder how you dated him and what you discussed with him during courtship period.
This is a clear case of deception and emotional torture and if after all your efforts to restore your husband and marriage, he chooses not to change,your option would be to officially divorce him before entering another relationship.
As long as his bride prize has not been returned,you are still married to him and you are committing adultery dating another man.
He doesn't just need to apologize, you need a man to call your husband in every sense of the word.
A man that will meet your sexual, spiritual, psychological and social need and if he cannot guarantee that, then his apology is dead on arrival.
My suggestion,would be to discuss this with your family and fix a date when your family will officially present his dowry to his family.
If he's around, that would be awesome and then you can discuss about the welfare and the custody of your son.
Whether your son would be influenced by his father's sexual preference, it's very unlikely but then there's every reasons for you to be worried.
As long as you are the mother of his son, he cannot seize him from you.
I pray that God will heal your heart from the emotional torture and abuse that you experienced while living with him.
All the best dear.


  1. Oh Lord our God, I don't even know what to say. But I think again you weren't matured enough for marriage and as such you didn't ask the right questions or observe the right things. Aunty Amara please correct me if I am wrong. But he couldn't have hidden it completely if you were observant. I think you were naive and fell into the wrong hands. But God help us all.

  2. Divorce his gay ass biko. Return the bride price and leave it in their compound and live your life joor. How can you be miserable your whole life cos someone is posessed with gay demons. He deceived you pure and simple.

  3. the marriage vwas founded on deceit. it is already void. the way to return bride price when the family refused is to let your own family go to the inlaws family and leave the money for bride price for them as long as they saw that it was left any where in their compound, it is ok. officially go to court and nullify the marriage based on deceit or divorce him. pray continously for your son, the situation is such that you cannot take his child from him but put your son in the hands of GOD

  4. Divorce him like yesterday! And with the recent anti-gay laws in Nigeria you can surely take your son from him. Just get a good lawyer, preferably male.


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