Sunday, July 12, 2015

Should I move back or move on?

Please post this for me,I need matured advise. 
Am from the northern Nigeria while my husband is from the south west,this is my fifth year in marriage, and we have a son. 
Before I got married, many suitors came but I was so conscious of marrying a mummy boy and a man who allows his family to control him and who don't accept me. 
Now it seems am neck deep into what i have been running away from. 
I had delay before I gave birth,those years were the worst of my life cos my MIL (mother-in-law) and SIL (sister-in-law) made mockery of me,took my husband to many prayers houses were they were told that I can't have a child for my husband. MIL encouraged hubby to take another wife from their tribe.
She kept on introducing ladies to him,hubby refused to marry another wife. I cried most nights,then my husband was close to me and consoling me even though he believed that I can't give him a child as told by this prophet. Before I knew what was happening my husband started dancing to their tune and making a law whatever his mum says.
I endured and was praying, note my hubby disvirgined me so its not like I was a loose woman before marriage. Then next he left our matrimonial room and packed into another room. I had to beg and plead before he makes love to me. He called me all sorts of names and made it clear to me that his family was the most important people in his life,that am an intruder,that his family never supported our marriage, these were the same people that were all over me before the marriage, he told me he forced them to pretend that they liked me even though am from another tribe cos he loved me and wanted to marry me at all cost. I cried myself to sleep that night. Then the beatings started,he punched me at any slightest opportunity and told me to leave if I wanted to. 
Then I decided to leave cos the beating was too much. As I planned to leave I discovered that I was one month pregnant. I informed him and everything was a bit fine. His people's attitude changed for the better so I decided to stay back. I worked till the day I put to bed just to be surviving cos he didn't care if I ate or not. 
I almost lost my life during child birth. Immediately I gave birth,another fight started, they fought to take my son from me which I vehemently refused, the child was taken and denied breast milk. My family was involved and the issue was taken to court. 
I was granted custody of my son and I went back to my parent's house. 
Now my husband is calling and asking for forgiveness, saying that he didn't know what came over him.
He has been promising heaven and earth.I know he may be genuinely sorry but am scared of his family,on the other hand I don't want my son to feel like a stranger in his father's house cos I know he will still go back when he is of age as ruled by the court.
Should I sacrifice my happiness for my son and go back or should I move one with my life and marry another suitor that comes cos I have been with my parents since September 2014 and suitors are already coming even though I have been turning them down.
There is this particular one that have refused to give up and my family advises that I should give him a chance. 
Please help me,what should I do.Thanks.

Dear sender,
To God be all the Glory who brought shame to the camp of your enemies and gave you victory in times times of adversity.
They called you barren but God proved both the prophet of doom and their cronies wrong.
I rejoice with you because the story could have been different had it not been for God's intervention.
From your mail it seems as though you live with your in laws and your husband in the same compound, if that be the case, that has to be addressed by him before you may consider returning back to him.
Also you and him would need to talk things through and if possible, he would need to come to your parents with his family and sign some understanding against raising his hands on your body or at any point threatening your life emotionally, or psychologically.
If he isn't comfortable with your family, you may adopt the Court option but you cannot take some things for granted just because he has promised heavens and earth especially when it involves physical abuse.
Just as an agreement was made when he chose to dance with his family against you, an agreement has to be made to protect you from his family and also to give you the privileges you deserve in your home.
I know he may have repented and I also know you must have forgiven him at least for the sake of your son, but I feel this would guard him on how best to take care of you and not expose you to the ridicule and emotional torture like he did earlier.
As for the suitors coming, my suggestion would be if your husband is willing to do the needful, then do reconsider him not for the sake of your son as you said but for the sake of the love you shared with him.
The love that made you consider marriage with him. The love that made you endure trying times and painful experiences, the love that made you remain hopeful that somehow he would come back and seek for your heart.
The love that made you celebrate him even though circumstances were not Rosy and lovely as you would have wished.
If you can still look at him and see how happy you would be with him, then do give him another opportunity to make amends and be a better man, husband, father and friend to you.
The mystery of love is in forgiving well enough to give love another chance to grow in your heart even when you may have reasons not to.
Take your time and meditate on your journey of love.
Turn to God for wisdom and grace to navigate through this rough paths of your journey.
Don not be in a haste to leave if there is anything you may regret later in life.
Every marriage has its fair share of challenges and obstacles and it takes great wisdom, understanding, grace and a forgiving heart to reap the benefits and rewards of a prosperous home and a fulfilling marriage.


  1. i suggest you move on with your life and marry someone new. it is the same inlaws and they will not change over night except you guys move far away from them. the issue of physical abuse is too much and you do not want your son seeing that and believing that is how a woman should be treated. i suggest you go for a new beginning with someone else who will love you and your son. ultimately seek the face of GOD and let HIS WILL be done in your life because HE knows best

  2. Nne ur husband might have change but what about his people and u can't tel him to block dem from his life cos they r depends on what u want,the decision lies in ur hands and know that the grass s not always greener at the other side.


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