Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Without him? I'm scared!

Good evening anty and my fellow Avlites, please I have an issue that is seriously disturbing and giving me a sleepless night.
Please advice or encourage me. Am a single lady and will be 29 soon, and my fiance is 30 years he proposed last year december I accepted but not happy about it not because I don't love him but because I can't imagine wearing an engagement ring for long.
we are both graduates no work yet but we are doing small business mine is a little bit lucrative, at least I can take care of myself from it but his own is nothing to write home about not profitable, low sales etc he can not even take care of his immediate needs not to take care of me,he doesn't have a pin as a property cause he's staying with his sister, I do most of d things by myself and do help him the little way I can.
Now my parents are on my neck to get married though the pressure is not that much and am the first born I have four siblings.
Honestly, I wish to end up with this man because i really love him and he loves me most, he understands me,respects me,he doesn't cheat,his people loves me a lot but am loosing it age is no more by my side.
We've prayed and fasted but we are still hoping on God for things to turn around for us.
please advice me, am even scared of moving on without him cos we are so much into each other, there was a time my uncle introduced me to a sailor friend that is ready for marriage but I couldn't stand to hurt him(my fiance) believing everything is going to be fine. Please advice or encourage a sister in state of confusion and pray for us to get good job, our relationship is running to five years now.
Note: Nobody is asking for my hand in marriage now.
Your advice and prayer will go a long way. Thanks and God bless you all.

Dear sender,
I know that you so much desire to get married as soon as possible.
But as I read your mail, I had two conflicting voice within me (lol Don't be scared).
One suggested that you go for who is ready to marry you, the other said that I should encourage you to marry who will make you happy and fulfilled. That what you are currently experiencing today may change in the next second.
I on my part believe the second voice much more not because I may be able to endure but because many who married the wrong partner are living miserable life and they are all looking for a way of escape.
Many are weeping and wailing all because they got married to the man who not only destroyed their life but also gave them a lot of baggage to carry.
Granted I'm no fan of long engagement but I feel that you can help him become a better man.
What if you help him polish his CV and share it with family and friends to see if he can get a better offer.
What if you encourage him to save a little from what he earns and then help him with some savings so as to rent a room or something.
What if he save some money and learn a skill or two or better still delve into business no matter how little it may be.
I feel we can resurrect a great man from him if only you can stand by him and support him with prayers and wise counsel.
From the way you described your relationship with him and his attitude to you, it is sincerity difficult for me to suggest that you leave him because I am not God and I do not know what this man may become later in life.
Take some time to meditate and pray for him, some relationship and marriages are standing today because some women chose to use their knees and their wealth to support the man and spur him to greatness.
You would never know unless you are close enough to them.
Do not be in a haste, yes your age may be giving you a great concern but be concerned more about your happiness and in the end please go for what you're convinced of and not because of what the pressures of life has pushed you to do.
All the best.


  1. Pheew...And this is a really complicated situation...
    It might be wrong for a person to tell you exactly what to do because there are so many uncertainties in life....Nobody knows what will be...Nobody knows When, how and whether the situation will change...In as much as you love this man, there is still a possibility that you could still get married to another man and live happily with him...
    It all depends on your ability...If you can wait for this guy due to your love for him...then its alright but strive to help him in whatever way you can to get better... but if you feel you can't endure the wait...I'll advise you to move on..but do not look back after you've taken a decision...Be ready for whatever the result turns out to be...Accept the advantages and the disadvantages...

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  3. The truth is it is better to marry late than marry wrong. Nothing motivates a man to achieve than when he knows there is a woman he loves who is counting on him. Just hold on to the man you love. The breakthrough you are looking for might just be around the corner. The question i would ask you is, what if you go ahead and marry another person and less than a year later your fiancee gets his breakthrough, can you live with the fact that you missed the love of your life because of impatience? Anyway, like AVL has advised, stand your ground in faith and prayer. God will help you.


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