Thursday, August 27, 2015

I Can't Indulge in Mouth Action!

Hello Aunty Amara, I came across this question by a lady and I have not been able to come up with a remedy. 
Please I am curious to hear your counselling as a christian.

I’m a 27-year-old lady and my husband is 31 years. We got married four months ago, we attend the same church, we even met in the church and we are both active. He is in the ushering department while am in the choir and we are both born again. Am telling you all this for you to know we are not babies in the spirit. Our courtship was sex free, as you know now, no touching, kissing nor romancing.
We seldom visit each other at home due to our church strict restriction on that. And when I do I never went beyond his sitting room maybe if I had done otherwise, I would have known about this before now. Our wedding ceremony was great and we settled down to marital life.
Two months after, my husband has a cause to travel out of town, it was on a Saturday and I decided to clean the room as I was re-arranging the clothes in the wardrobe, a parcel fell on my leg, at first I ignored it but on a second thought I picked it up to check what was inside, I received the greatest shock of my life, my husband has been watching PORNOGRAPHY! 
The parcel actually contained different porn MOVIES. I felt sad and dejected. I tried to check his laptop if he has such things there but it has been pass-worded.
I didn’t confront when he returned and I pretended as if nothing happened. That night I took his phone when he was fast asleep and searched through it, behold he has porn movies on his phone too! But I still kept my cool. I had to let the cat out of the bag when one month later he asked if I like MouthAction and he wanted us to it give a trial. 
He said that he watched porn movies so that he will be able to satisfy me in bed. To say that I was shocked is an understatement.
I told him I can’t indulge in MOUTH ACTION or ORAL SEX. He has been pestering me for this. How can I engage the same mouth I use to pray, to speak in tongues in MouthAction? Since then he has been behaving funny. He keeps to himself; he is not even interested in making love with me and I’m yet to get pregnant.Is this right? PLEASE YOUR ADVICE.

When a man leaves his father and mother and a lady agrees under God to cleave to him as her head and to please him with her body, there is a lot of structural changes that takes place in the lives of the individual who have gotten married to the other partner. 
The breast that was once an object of admiration becomes an object of pleasure. 
The vagina that was merely where you pass urine from becomes a place for sexual intercourse and intimacy with your husband. 
The body that you normally cover in the presence of your siblings becomes exposed in the presence of your husband. 
These and many more are the adjustments partners must make to accommodate the other partner and meet their sexual needs selflessly. 
During sexual intercourse with your husband, your ultimate priority should be to please him with your body and make him feel complete with you. 
How you hope to achieve this is left for you and your husband to figure out and not for you to condemn him. 
While it's not everyone that admires and appreciate fellatio,it doesn't mean that any man who desires such is not God's child neither does it mean that any lady who meets her husband's need doesn't pray anymore with her mouth nor has she done anything that's a taboo before God. 
Every marriage is unique in its own capacity and whatever couples desires to do with their body is solely for their own Marital fulfilment and sexual satisfaction. 
All you need to do is have an open mind and discuss with your husband to find out more about his desire for such action, find out if there is any other way to make him feel satisfied with your performance without giving him a fellatio.
Communication is very important when it comes to love making to avoid crushing the emotions of your partner in your bid to protect yourself.
If your husband should treat your body with such rejection, will you not be discouraged and disappointed in him? 
While it would be unfair to impose anything you are not comfortable with on you, rejecting him the way you did will only drive him straight to the arms of another lady.
Call him up and apologise for your insensitivity to his need while pleading that he gives you the privilege to understand more about his sexual preference or you may offer to massage his manhood instead of mouth action. 
It's when you have effectively managed his sexual preference that you can discuss his addiction to pornography with him and seek ways to help him overcome such attitude. 
Pornography has reduced sexual intimacy to animalistic punishment between couples.
Couples no longer desire the connection, nor focus on the expression and appreciation of each other but has reduced sex to beating and intimidating the other partner with wild, dangerous and unhealthy acts that only leaves the other partner with lots of injuries and many disappointment. 
Pornography is never good for any home because those who act Pornography never has the need of couples at heart. 
Most of them have operated on their bodies, removed parts of their body so that they can perform under the influence of drugs and alcohol and there is no reason justifiable before God and man for a couple to engage in watching Pornography. 
Movies made for couples who have sexual or sex related challenges isn't actually Pornography but they are specially designed to educate couples and help them master the act of love making. 
You will need to pray for your husband and continue to intercede for your marriage. That a man is a worker in the church doesn't mean that he has a personal relationship with God. 
It takes more than going to Church to purge away the filthiness of a human heart, it takes the redemptive grace of God to restore a man to God. 
You wouldn't give up on him because of what you discovered recently, please stand in the gap for him. 
I pray that God will redeem your husband from the claws and clutches of Pornography in Jesus name Amen. 

14 comments:

  1. WOW! Madam, Amara Van Lara, I must confess again you are one of the finest mind i have ever seen. Your advise is devoid of sentiments and regligious hypocriticism. I pray God continually increase the grace he had given you in helping solving problems via the social media. I am weeping as i write this comments cos i was really touched and equally thrilled by your advise.

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  2. I have nothing else to say but to say you are awesome, gifted and intelligent. Keep your light shining lady. The Lord is your strength.

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  3. God bless you so so much Mrs van lare for this advice.wow I love you for this.

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  4. Mrs van lare, you keep surprising me. I am so glad I liked your page and started following you. God continue to grant you wisdom IJN. Amen.

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  5. Mrs Amara I must thank God for his wisdom and grace upon ur life cos the way u handle issues is amazing. ....i also think that this couple ought work on their communication because it is vital in any relationship especially one as intimate as marriage....how the wife could have kept quiet abt an issue of pornography and only spoke up wen the husband talked abt mouth action....which is 2months after the incident does not speak well of the couple......I feel intimacy goes beyond our bodies but also there should be intimacy of thoughts, ideas and feelings too..she should be her husband best fan and at the same tym his worst critic cos u want to bring out the best in him.....the most important thing is doing all in love.....thanks.

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  6. Mrs amara i must say say u re blessed.u re Gods gift to humanity.ur intelligence is immeasurable nd i pray for such.wonderful advice u have here

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  7. Amy, God bless you beyond anyone can pray for you, for this excellent counsel. Quoting you: "You will need to pray for your husband and continue to intercede for your marriage. That a man is a worker in the church doesn't mean that he has a personal relationship with God.
    It takes more than going to Church to purge away the filthiness of a human heart, it takes the redemptive grace of God to restore a man to God.
    You wouldn't give up on him because of what you discovered recently, please stand in the gap for him.
    I pray that God will redeem your husband from the claws and clutches of Pornography in Jesus name Amen." If there is anything I can reiterate, it's that the lady should learn the mature way to manage her husband. A woman who knows how to manage her husband wisely will have husband under her control without being arrogant.

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  8. My Amara, more grace to your elbow, I sincerely wish I can be like you some day. You also have answers to every question & solution to our problems kudos to you my dear & I pray that the poster sticks to your advice.

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  9. Abeg,where did you learn that Oral Sex is a sin for married couples? Marriage is TEAMWORK - never fight your team member. Listen to Aunty Amara. Secondly,google the articles on Oral Sex by Funmi Akingbade.

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