Friday, August 7, 2015

I feel heartbroken and perplexed.

Hi aunty Amara..
I'll  be glad if you post my message I'm in my final year in the university and about to write my final exam two weeks from now.
I'm in a relationship with a girl who is in 100level about to be in 200level and we attend same school. 
As I write this to you I feel heartbroken and perplexed.
The problem is this..she thinks that after my final exam I'll end up leaving her.
I reside in Lagos while she resides in Sapele. She has been fed with lots of talk by her friends that after I graduate I'll end up leaving her.
Just recently there was this Dr that has been calling her very often and the mum knew about this Dr cos they both work in same hospital.
It got to a point that whenever her mum called her on the phone she must ask her daughter if the Dr has called her.
She I'll be 21 this September and I'm 25 and she is so keen on getting married at 23.
Now my problem is..when ever the Dr calls they talk for long even in my presence and their discussion is always about marriage.
I usually feel bad about it whenever he calls cos I love this girl so much to the extent that I gave her anything she asked of..
I confronted her about it and all she could say was that I don't even know where she stays after school,I don't know her parents and all that and her behaviour has changed..
I love this girl so much and I even intend settling down with her someday.. 
As I write this we are not in talking terms because of this same Dr issue and its killing me slowly

Dear sender, 
I know that you genuinely love this lady, have greater vision for her, plan to settle down with her and hope to support her in life but the painful reality is that you cannot keep a lady whose heart and love is not with your vision. 
You cannot keep a lady whose mother and friends can easily tell anything and she will swallow them hook line and sinker. 
You don't deserve a lady who doesn't respect your emotions and literally cheats on you in your presence and then turns back to defend herself with some excuses. 
My suggestion would be that you give your very best to your exams. 
Let your certificate be your most treasured asset today because it has the potential with God's favour and Grace to elevate you to a height where your enemies would desire to identify with you. 
Give your best to your studies. Forget about her at the moment and read your books. 
You have projects and seminars to attend to, please do not make a mess of those as they form part of your assessment in your job interviews. 
There's a whole lot of life after graduation ceremony and whatever God has ordained will definitely be established. 
You need not panic as though she's doing you a favour nor be afraid because of a doctor. 
Whether you studied medicine or engineering doesn't guarantee a bright future nor does it make any superior to others. 
All you owe yourself now is your commitment to your studies and focus to your vision. 
Leave the rest to God. Whatever be her decision, please let her be. 
When a lady makes marriage her vision in life, she ends up a casualty of life and most times turn out as liabilities to others.
I hope that you will pour your heart unto God and ask for his grace to excel in your examinations and prosper in life ultimately. 
All the best dear. 


  1. "When a lady makes marriage her vision in life, she ends up a casualty of life and most times turn out as liabilities to others". Aunty Amara God bless you. At the age of 20, I always tell whoever cares to listen that'll get married at the 23 but now I'm 25 still not in a rush to settle down. Then I was being pressured by my relatives to get married on time cos I'm the only child of my parent who are no more.

  2. My man,hold your ears:

    1. The purpose of Romantic Relationships,is STRICTLY marriage. It is not a pastime.
    2. It is STRICTLY for people who are ready for marriage.
    3. You have no business being in a relationship when you are not ready for marriage.
    4. This is not the time for romance. Leave Romance alone,and focus on your future,while cultivating great non-romantic friendships in the process. You are going to need these great friendships - both for marriage,career and for other things.
    5. Until you propose marriage to a girl and she accepts,she is JUST A FRIEND,and vice versa.
    6. Until a girl accepts your marriage proposal,SHE DOES NOT OWE YOU & VICE VERSA. She is not cheating if she befriends another man. Likewise,you.
    7. Lest I forget: You have no business being in a relationship when you are still a dependent. Pay more attention to your future, become independent,...before entering a relationship.
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  4. Man I feel your pain but you shouldn't let what a girl wishes to do with her life distract you from getting to the finish line of what you started about 4-5 years ago. This particular girl you're talking of (if we are to go with what you told us) might not have any feelings for you as it stands because we all can see her priority in this life to begin with one is getting married at 23. Just like you've been advised above, let not relationship issues make you deviate your attention from what lies ahead of you (project defense, e.t.c.).

    The truth is that, I am not so sure how you're going to compete with her mom and co-worker for now, and if you push harder, you might get into what you might not really like. But I'm hoping what truly belongs to you comes back. Remain blessed.


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