Tuesday, September 8, 2015

I've Been Under Torture For Eleven Years!

I am a woman of 34 years old with three kids.I have been married for over eleven years to a man I grew up in the same area with. 
He was actually the first and only man I've been with. Before we got married our relationship was almost perfect but it has not been the same since we got married. 
I have always been very hard working since my parents were not well to do. I married him because everyone wanted me to ,because of the kind of family he is from (his dad practised polygamy) 
I didn't quite think he would be the husband of my dreams ,because I grew up keeping myself for the right man , the one that would actually take care of me . 
Since my family and his were bent on seeing us together ; I made myself fall in love with him. And I was treated well every time I went visiting him because after he graduated he got a job else where. The troubling part was that since we got married its been hell for me ,I have been enduring my marriage ,I have come this far because of the fear of the unknown..Though I have always got something doing on my own, I am still always in constant lack because I do everything for myself and the kids. 
I would have actually wanted more kids but because of his lack of responsibility, I didn't want to have anymore children cos everything was always on me. 
He has a job but gambles,he is a womaniser, he can't control himself around women even when am around, he beats me like a child even in the presence of my kids ,this was as far as I can go but my business was almost collapsing. 
My dad is late now and I actually have no money enough to rent an apartment for my kids and I. I have been looking for someone to buy my shop but no way. 
Everyone I asked for help turns me down. He isn't the man I knew . He acts like he swore an oat not to ever give me money , people said that he spends like the white outside. 
The only time he buys some stuff to the house is when he hurts me because he never says sorry, he buys some things home for the kids. 
I have been under complete torture for over eleven years I don't know how else to express my pains but am here and it is not well with me and my beautiful kids. 
We don't deserve what we have now. Where do I start from ? What do I do ?

Though it may be gloomy at the moment, I assure you by the Word of God that it Must surely end in Praise and greater testimony in Jesus name Amen. 
I decree by faith that even though you walk down the shadows of death, it is well with you and your beautiful kids. 
Their future is glowing and nothing shall hinder them from prospering in their areas of calling in life. 
Granted that things haven't been rosy for you and your family, I was deeply in pains knowing that you saw this coming but chose to venture into it because your family and friends wanted you to be married to him. 
You said that you never loved him but you still forced yourself into loving him. 
All that I underlined in your mail were the foundation of your current misery and pains. 
It is painful because any decision you take today will not only have an effect on yourself but will also have a significant effect on your children. 
Sadly your parents can do a little to help you in your marriage. 
However, physical abuse is what you cannot tolerate in your marriage because anything that is a threat to your health, and safety is against God's purpose for marriage. 
You need to be alive for your children and for yourself too. This would be time for you to take a stand against any form of physical abuse or maltreatment in any form or manner by reporting such cases to the welfare department of the Police service. 
Also you need to get him responsible for the upkeep of his children by providing at least their basic needs. 
This also you will need the help of the welfare department to assist you with. 
Now that you know the huge task ahead of you, you need to prepare your heart to stand in the gap for your children, to help them become great personalities in life, to guide them on the path of excellence and continue to encourage them to be focused and responsible in life. 
You may not need to rent an apartment for now but you need to get something doing irrespective of how little or how small it may be. 
Most times those we run to for help in times of need may also be in need of help and may not really be of help to us. But every penny of profit in your hands is God's way of helping you to overcome the obstacles and challenges of life. 
God will only bless what is in your hands so please get something to do and do not give up on God. 
Commit everything to God in prayers and please remain focused and humble even in difficult moments as these. 
Never lose hope nor give up on God, never you stop praying for your husband and fulfilling your duties to him. 
Sometimes in marriage you get to a spot where you feel like you cannot cope nor find help, that is when to hold unto God and cling so closely to Him. 
This is a phase and it must surely phase off to God's glory. 
You have come thus far because God kept you and I believe that by his grace and favour you shall overcome all these hurdles and celebrate with your husband and your children. 


  1. And this is where it all goes wrong...Getting married to a man after the masses hearts and not your own heart....It always ends in disaster.
    Now where are those people who made that choice for you? I believe they are the people you met for help....I also believe they've all turned you down....It's sad....It's unfortunate...
    I've said it and will not stop saying that marriage is a personal race..It's a choice that lives with you forever and that is why i insist that you judiciously follow your heart...You personally know what is good for you and people might be blind to your heart desire...They chose your husband based on their own heart desire...probably they wanted a man they could control...It's a sad situation that only God can save you from...
    Now my advice to you is simple....you are in a situation and not marriage...I feel you need to take a break...I do not mean divorce but i feel you need a reaffirmation that that man values you and his family...he needs to come looking for you and the kids..As it stands, your position equals that of a slave and it might only get worse as long as you remain in that house...You need to take a break from the beating and emotional torture...enough is enough of this spell...If you have a church where you worship, i feel the church executive would be of great assistance to you...Above all...God says we should call upon Him in the days of trouble...He said He will deliver us...do all you do in prayer and supplication...It is well with you.

  2. I'm just in tears.
    God help you and keep you

  3. I'm just in tears.
    God help you and keep you

  4. It is really sad, what you are going through. I couldn't help shedding tears. Please my dear you need to move out. Maybe if he see's that you guys are gone, he might miss you guys and have a change of heart. And please don't wait until you can rent an apartment, you can rent a one room for now. After you have moved out, report him to welfare so that he will be bringing money every month for your kids. Goodluck

  5. This is one of the few touching stories I have read on this platform.


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