Friday, September 11, 2015

She's A Burden To Me!

Thank you Amara for being so much a blessing to this generation. Please I need your advice and those of your fans on this problem.

I have a female friend who by all other standards, she's good for a wife and am considering that; but she has this fundamental problem that's affecting her life and our relationship. I previously thought its just the nature of indepth love to be over-possessive and markedly dependent on ones partner but her own case is getting out of hand. She calls my line to report every little (trivial) thing that causes her discomfort; from the sight of a cockroach to the screeching of a cricket and then body aches.

With my understanding of her background as one who lost her parents at an early age, I think our friendship (marriage) would enjoy an unbreakable bond if only I could fill the large vacuum in her heart. She's loyal and caring; and she's not faring bad at all. However, of late am becoming overburdened by her emotional baggage. She's committed too much to retrospective thinking -wasted wishful thinking and tears! Whether intentional or otherwise, she definitely attracts pity. At 24 she thinks always and deeply about her late parents and how they'll have made her life better. I also lost my dad when I was just 6 but I had the basic understanding that I could soar high to the peak of my dream in spite of 'no father'. I was brought up by an uneducated mother who is just a petty trader. Thanks to God, now I can boldly say LG -Life's Good!

I've been trying very hard to put her on track while we plan our future together but all to no avail. I bought her relevant books and tapes and directed her to a church where her self image, confidence and faith in God could be moulded but still nothing much has changed about her. Right now, I think we're not on the same page; I see this her behaviour as a potential retarding factor on my pursuits in life. This is because she does pretty good at crashing my emotion whenever she has an episode of this mood 'disorder'. 

Please how better can I help to make her the woman God wants her to be and the woman of my dream?

"I believe in strong women. I believe in the woman who is able to stand up for herself. I believe in the woman who doesn't need too often to hide behind her husband's back. I believe that if you have problems as a woman you deal with them, you don't play victim, you don't make yourself look pitiable, you don't point fingers. You just stand, with some support and deal squarely with it”.

Sorry for the length

I smiled while reading your mail but I don't know why. 
Dear young man, how people deal with grief and pains differ from one individual to another. 
Clearly your partner is grieving and she's grieving for the right reasons. You may not understand why but please do not condemn her for feeling the way she's currently feeling. 
It's not as though she planned it or that she constantly desire to crash your emotions. 
She's simply doing that because she's found her dad and mum in your arms. 
She's pouring out her heart because she sincerely trusts in your personality and judgement. 
She's weeping and yearning for your time and love cos that is the only way for her to heal and be strong. 
Losing your father as a boy and her losing her parents as a girl is two different world of life experiences and exposures. 
She was exposed to rape, abuse, insults and some humiliating and harrowing experiences while for a boy, there's a limit to what you may endure and next you're out huzzling and striving to make some money. 
Comparing yourself to her for me isn't necessary, what matters most is understanding that your presence in her life is God's own way of perfecting her healing from her pains. 
She craves for the love that she couldn't get from her parents, she craves for the attention that she couldn't get from those that she loves, she craves for the peace of mind from many different battles she had to contend with before meeting you. 
She craves for the moment when she will become a mother to reward her children with the love, attention and affection that her parents couldn't give to her as a result of their death. 
While it's awesome to have a strong woman as a wife, a loyal woman will give you peace of mind and fulfilment in life because you are both assured and convinced that she can never cheat on you nor betray you for any reason. 
She will always be there for you and will follow you anywhere that you go in life. 
She's simply the kind of a wife who will selflessly allow you to be her husband and father without struggles. 
I actually feel that you do not understand the value of the kind of woman God has brought into your life hence your worries about her constant desire to be with you. 
All you need to do is listen...listen more and listen more and more.. You may not necessarily have to do anything or blame anyone or say anything else to solve her problem...all she yearn for is.. I understand... I care..
Do not judge her unfairly nor feel that she's not herself as a result of her experiences of life. 
Take your time, be patient with her, she lost her parents many years ago and it will take some time for her to heal. 
Instead of condemning her, take some time, allow her to relax in your arms or laps and ask her to take you back to her past so that you can get some pictures of her pains and why she acts the way she's doing. 
With those pictures, you can fashion out ways to connect easily with her without stress or discomfort. 
Love is a gift we owe to those in pains and it is a rare privilege for you to stand in the gap to help her become a better lady who will appreciate herself and be hopeful for the future. 
Books are good but not efficient, your presence in her life will do much more than what any book can do. 
Please give her the love that her heart yearn for and she will forever sing your praise. 


  1. A bird at hand is worth many in the bush...
    My brother....women like her are extremely difficult to takes divine intervention to find a woman who needs you always..Most of them these days need only your money..
    Hold her tight....the signs you see are minor fears that will gradually fade out when she realizes that you're always there for her even in your absence..
    It could be boring and quite disturbing but i must assure you that it's simply not her will to have those fears..
    By the time you have her as a wife...her fears will gradually become a thing of the past once that bond is established...
    But i must also sound it clear that if you feel you cannot cope, don't stay out of pity....declare your stand and move on...Though i don't suggest you walk out on what seems normal..

    1. Good reply too. More grease to your proverbial elbow.

  2. AVL is on point... More grace to ur elbow

  3. I learn a lot every day from this blog! Amara God bless u for ur selfless service. Poster please try and understand her always be there for her cos all she want is ur attention. U said u believe in strong women and women who can stand for them selves well there is nothing wrong about that u can actually mold this girl to be that which u want her to be.


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