Sunday, October 18, 2015

I'm Tired of This Marriage!

Hello ma,good morning I have been going through your post and am so happy for what you have been doing so far thanks to you ma. 
I have a problems and I need advice on what to do

I have been married for six years now but no issue. It all started in 2009, my husband went to my family and paid my bride prize so since then problems started till now my husband's brother and sister came to live with us, they don't see me as their brother's wife. 
One day I and his sister were having problem and the sister told me that I should come and get pregnant let her see, I told my hubby about what her sister said but he did nothing but some months later my sisters came to stay with us then am working in one private company so I didn't know what was going on in my house, my hubby doesn't make love to me, I was the one begging him but I didn't know that this man was sleeping with my sisters so one day God opened my eyes to see it all and I called him and asked him, he denied ever doing that to my sisters, then I called my sisters and interrogated them and to my greatest surprise my sisters opened up to me on how he was forcing them. 
I called him and he told me was he the first man that was trying it to their wife's sisters then I asked him was this what you were supposed to say and I vowed that I must pay him back.

Last year August I meet one guy and we started having an affair and began to be be happy for over five years am married but my hubby does not pay attention to me on bed,if I touch him he will tell me he is tired or he doesn't have strength for all these years as am the one begging him for sex. 
Last year August he noticed that am having an affair so he sent me home on December last year then I stayed in the village for more than seven months, all my family members were telling me to forget about the marriage since the man was not capable that I should move on with my life but I said no that I want to be with him and I called him and begged him and he said I should come back that he has forgiven me but since I came back to his house if we have little misunderstanding he will insult me and tell me how am having affair with the guy and I will begin to cry. 
Since two weeks now he stopped eating my food so five days ago, I went to my girlfriend's house that stays in our side so when I came back around 8:12pm he started asking me where I was coming from and I told him am coming back from my friend's house, he said I should come and take him there, I agreed and took him there when we came back he started beating me, telling me that I should pack my things and get out of his house then he started making calls, he called my senior sister that he is tired of this marriage and he is not going to continue with the marriage again that we are coming home in two days time but yesterday he came back and started begging me to stay.
Please ma I need advice on what to do because am also tired of this marriage, I want to i

One thing is certain, you are under pressure to have a child for him and he's under pressure to father a child from any woman. 
This pressure has pushed him to cheating on you and has also pushed you to biting back by getting even. 
The pains of the infidelity is what has made you and want out of the marriage while his inability to forgive you has made him violent, and emotionally abusive to you. 
What I feel you need is some time to meditate about your marriage and see if you really wish to terminate the marriage or if there are things you can work out to make your marriage work. 
Your husband also needs the same time to meditate on whether to forgive you, accept you back in his heart and support you in achieving the desire of your heart and his greatest expectations. 
Discuss with him and suggest that he gives you some time to do some soul searching and explore the available options for you in the marriage. 
This is not the time to keep boyfriends or tell the world about your tales but a time to examine why you chose him amongst other men that came to you, why you decided to commit your heart to him and your body to his authority. 
This is also a time to reflect on where you where coming from, what you have accomplished today and where you wish to be tomorrow and if there are things you could do to save the marriage. 
I would have also loved to have a word with your husband but if possible let him read this and encourage him to talk to me if it's convenient for him. 
Let him know that pressures ought to bring out the resilience, and patience in a man and not the beast in him. 
Cheating on his own wife with her own sisters were to me the worst thing he could have possibly thought of and please let him know that the present state of his marriage was as a result of his randy desires. 
Take your time as individuals to seek the face of God and ask for his mercies, and wisdom in this critical moment of your marriage. 
There's a lot of open wounds and pains that needs to be healed if this marriage must succeed. 
Also every form of third party influence must be dealt with if he wishes for the marriage to succeed. 
This is the time for self discovery and redemption from what has been a battle of the mind. 
Pregnancy doesn't happen without a healthy sperm and egg and as such every couples who yearn for the fruits of the womb must in addition to praying and having constant sexual intercourse endeavour to visit their family doctor who will examine the sperm quality and the state of the womb to rule out any infections or low sperm count and motility. 
Divorce should be the last resort should other measures fail to accomplish the desired results. 
Commit everything to God in prayers and allow him to help you and your partner understand what his purpose for bringing you and him together in a holy matrimony. 

1 comment:

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)