Friday, October 2, 2015

Where Did I Go Wrong?

NB:the image is the charm of the neighbour.
Compliments of the day Aunty Amara, and how is the family ? I believe God has been faithful to your household. Thank you for your guidance so far on matters I have shared with you and your advice to other members of this forum. I want to share my experience so far (may-1st oct) with you. 
I got married in June 2015 all thanks to God. I met my husband two years ago on Facebook but never was interested in him, never replied his messages until January 2015 when I eventually replied after he sent me a message which read "please if you don't want to talk to me let me know and stop treating me like I don't exist". 
After my response he came on hard and will not let me rest until the 1st of May 2015 when we eventually saw. When we saw, he didn't stop at just that, he made his intentions known and followed it up by coming to see my family and also introducing me to every member of his family. 
As God will have it, I was warmly welcomed by member of his family, and everyone was on my case as to how soon I can become a member of their family. Surprisingly, my husband was not the first son neither was he the second nor third so I was wondering why it was so, but I understood eventually that it was God at work, he has connected me to the man he created just for me. I kept praying all through the process and looking closely for signs yet God gave his firm approval. 
While we began preparations for our traditional marriage, my fiancĂ© lost his father and I was broken, I thought this was the end of the road but not at all, the family didn't let the death of their father put our marriage on hold, while he was still in the mortuary, my husband and his family came to my family and paid my bride price in full and every other traditional rites (I was amazed and people who could not understand how it all happened accused me of being pregnant hence the rush) but the God works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform. 
While this was going on, my mum didn't want it to go that way, she wanted a high class ceremony so she moved for a postponement of the traditional marriage ceremony and rites, I pleaded with her severally yet she won't bulge (my mum is the type that usually takes me on a guilt trip every second of the day and also tries her best to live her life through me). I kept praying and eventually, everything fell into place and my traditional marriage ceremony was celebrated low key. 
After the month of June passed, we buried my father in law in July and we returned to our place of residence. When we got back, we discovered I was pregnant, and we were overjoyed. My husband lives distantly so we made arrangements for my mum to help us find a help. 
In August, she sent someone to us, a boy of 11 years old and small in stature, I complained to her that this wasn't what we wanted and she appealed to me to keep him and train him that it's better I groom him from a young age. 
I listened to her and kept him. I saw him as innocent so I didn't restrict him from anything, I sent him into my bedroom at will and also gave him the liberty of eating whenever he feels like (I so much wanted him to grow and add flesh) so I fed him well with nourishing foods for children his age. 
One week after his arrival, my wedding ring got missing, we looked for it everywhere, asked the security men even went as far as revisiting the stores we went to during that period, all to no avail. Nobody suspected the little boy cos what will he be doing with a gold ring and what does he know of the value. 
But I secretly went to search his bag just to satisfy my curiosity yet we didn't find the ring there so we kept praying that God helps us recover it. Fast forward to one week and three days of the disappearance of the ring, my husband and myself devised a plan, we always acted like we were talking to military men on the phone and we made sure our conversation was loud to little boy's hearing when this wasn't working, we now told him that we have reported the matter to military men and that they will come to make a mass arrest of our neighbors including him, still this did not work so we had to involve his mum, his aunty and my mum to talk to him and eventually after one week and five days he brought back my ring to me. 
I punished him for stealing and my husband and I decided to send him back but my mum , his aunty and his mum pleaded and we listened to them and kept him (he is a relative to my mum's close friend). 
After that it was one trouble after the other, he even fought so hard to bring strife between me and my husband because whenever I scold him, my husband will tell me he is a kid I should not caution him. 
This boy now took advantage of this situation and started wrecking havoc, he will tell unnecessary lies and run to my husband for cover until my husband got tired of his tricks and the fact that he is causing quarrels between us and decided to send him home. 
I agreed with him and we told my mum that we are sending him back and she pleaded with me and further begged me to consider her relationship with the boys family and save her face. We listened to her and kept him. When all these was happening my husband was preparing to go back to his place of residence. We had a discussion and agreed to bring my younger brother who was reckless and job hunting down to our home to help him curtail his excesses and also see if we can help him get a job. 
We told my mother about it and told her explicitly that we will not tolerate his reckless and disrespectful behavior in our home and she agreed and told him all we said and he came to live with us. While he was preparing to come his dog back home gave birth to puppies and he asked us if we wanted one of the puppies and we said no, my husband specifically told him why we didn't want puppies and asked him to keep his puppies back at home if he will be coming to live with us which he agreed to. 
When my husband travelled back in September , my younger brother travelled home and asked me if he should bring one of his puppies and I told him not to bring it, I further reminded him that my husband will not be happy with me if I disobeyed him since we have already had this discussion, he acted like he had agreed and still he proceeded to come with the puppy without letting me know even when he will be keeping it in my house. 
When he arrived with the puppy, I was unhappy with him and I told him not to bring the puppy into my house so he kept the puppy under the staircase still my heart won't let me be so I go to check on the puppy from time to time. 
One of the days I heard it crying from my room, I went to check on it only to discover it was trapped in between iron bars so I freed it and brought it into my home. Later in the day I asked my brother to take it back downstairs after feeding it. 
One of my neighbors, a single woman in her mid 30's (guessing) was so troubled about the dog, I don't know this neighbor of mine, haven't even seen her face before . Whenever she goes downstairs she will start to call the dog and witch and rudely told the security man to tell me to take the dog away or she will report me to the landlord. I was amazed at her behavior because our tenancy agreement does not restrict us from keeping dogs but for the sake of peace I withdrew the dog from under the stairs and brought it completely into my home yet the woman won't rest, from my home I hear her shouting on top of her voice about the dog which now lives permanently in my home. 
One of the days as she was shouting, I dressed up to go and meet her downstairs to know actually what her problem was but before I could get downstairs she had already left so I left a firm message with the security man, I told him to tell her to "check up the meaning of peaceful coexistence and if she was not okay with the definition she should go and rent a private premises or better still build her own house, and I left. 
After that day I didn't hear her making a fuss about the dog again so I felt all had ended. One day we returned from fellowship only for our security guy to inform me that my brother's puppy had gone to mess up infront of her door, I was dumbfounded , how possible could that be? A dog that we locked inside before leaving for church. I told the security guy that they must be mistaken that my brother's dog is just 7weeks old and therefore can't climb the stairs and also the dog is being fed just milk for now so it's not possible that it defecated the kind of poop the security man described. 
On a second thought, I decided to go and see my neighbor and explain things to her and also ask her to have no worries as regards to this puppy. When I went to her house that night, I rang the doorbell twice and got no response so I left. 
Meanwhile before that night, I saw her and the little boy living with me discussing and I asked him what they were discussing and he denied everything until I told him I saw them that was when he told me she asked him his name and what flat he was coming from. I didn't botther myself asking further so I left him. 
Until that night when the gate man told me about the puppy messing up at her door step, I became very suspicious. Why such an allegation, from someone I don't know and was it just a puppy that is bringing about all these that was when I decided to investigate the matter and the little boy confessed that the woman has been coming into my home in my absence and going through our belongings and asking specifically for my husband's used boxers , he further confessed that the woman was also the one in possession of my wedding ring and she didn't have plans of returning it until he went to complain to her about our military men threat that was when she gave it back to him. 
Also they have been engaged severally in sexual activities which they have been practicing on my matrimonial bed and also in her house and after the act she cleans her vagina with our bathing towel or my husband's boxers. 
Gradually more unfolded, this woman has left my home with my bra and pants, my husband's used boxers, his t-shirt and sleeping pants, photocopies of my certificate our digital camera that has our pictures in it and my wedding ring . 
She returned these things a few days later so in our carefree attitude we never noticed they were missing at some point although we looked for the camera initially and found it after days. We reported this matter to our landlord and he appealed to us not to take the matter up, that he will refund us our rent so we can move out and he said he has known the woman for quite sometime now. We were very surprised and suspicious about his response but we decided to thread with caution because it was obvious we were surrounded by enemies. 
We went to the police to make a report but we told them that we didn't want them to come for the woman yet since we are still living on the same property as her which they agreed to cos they understood that this wasn't just ordinary. 
Until yesterday this little boy produced some charms he has been using in our home saying it was the woman who gave them to him, that she told him it was to protect him, my family and our unborn baby from evil and this boy has been judiciously applying these things to our food, food items, drinking water etc. 
We have been eating these juju mixtures without knowing and by God's special grace we have not noticed anything negative thing manifesting in our home. Aunty Amara this boy has been keeping a monkey's finger in my house and many other charms which he said he has finished using. 
This discovery has been so shocking for me and my husband that we have not been at peace since he confessed all these things. Then last night my younger brother accused me of calling our mother a witch, I was with him and I was lamenting bitterly when I said that "my mother in her usual nature must have gone to pose for this boy's family and giving them false promises of how we are going to change their son's life with our wealth and how her son in law lives abroad and will take their son abroad etc" (because that is my mum's nature and we her children always complain of her unnecessary posing) and my brother started shouting at me that I should not call our mother a witch, I was shocked and I asked him what he meant and if he had a hearing problem but he won't stop so I scolded him sternly and reminded him that this is not his first time of accusing me (because when he just arrived my home and I was searching frantically for a job for him, someone asked me to help her get a competent person who will work for her. 
The job description was too demanding for the salary she was offering 40k for , I told my brother about it but that I don't want him to work for that kind of pay, he immediately told me that I don't want his progress that was why I was blocking his way) I felt very bitter and I told my mum I have taken my hands off looking for a job for him but all she told me was that I know that I will soon be a mother so I should not be angry with him that I should still talk to the lady to give him the job. 
I spoke with the lady and she gave him an appointment he told me to tell the lady that he cannot make it on that day and he gave me a date to give her as the day he will be able to make it to the appointment. I told him that I will do no such thing that this shows unseriousness on his part and nobody wants an unserious person working for them so when he is ready he should go and sort himself out with her, still my mum won't let me be, she called me severally, tormented me extremely reminding me of how she gave birth to me trained me and how I am also going to have my own kids who will treat me the way I am treating my brother. 
I stood my grounds but still she won't let me be until I gave in and pleaded with the woman on my brother's behalf and she invited him over, Aunty Amara as I am typing this message, I still don't know the outcome of my brother's meeting with her cos my brother didn't care to tell me what transpired between them and I didn't ask him. 
My mum came again with her blackmail and tormenting asking me to pamper him, that I should call my brother and plead with him to tell me what transpired between him and the lady I strongly refused and when she saw I wasn't going to give in, she let me be.
When my brother disobeyed me and my husband and brought the puppy, my mummy begged me not to tell my husband that I should remember that my brother is my own flesh and blood and that I should not do anything that will spoil his face with my husband, I listened to her. 
But when my neighbor threatened to report to our landlord, I had to tell my husband everything that happened, he felt disrespected and was unhappy with me but I appologised and he forgave me without much fuss about the issue and we moved on like nothing happened . 
Now I have sent the little boy home and my mum requested that my brother brings him back with his charms so that she will show his family. After they left, I called my mum and talked to her nicely and compassionately, I told her that I loved them and I care so much about them, I explained to her how much stress I have gone through these past few weeks and how it is affecting me and the pregnancy and because of all these I don't want anybody in my home for now, until I and my husband sort everything out. 
I explained to her how the devil has tried to use these avenues to ruin my marriage but I thank God for his faithfulness to me and also for the kind of husband he blessed me with, I told her the fact that my husband is so understanding and kind does not mean that I should take his good heart for granted so because of this I have taken this decision and I want her to please understand me and support me but my mum refused to listen. 
She has rained down heavy words on me on how I am an ungrateful child and how I don't want to help her, that I am not the first person to be married and I am making my husband a priority forgetting that I have a family also, I told her that she will be so surprised that everything that has happened, my husband has refused to tell his family about it, that my husband has my interest at heart and he does not want to give me and my mum's family a bad name, yet she won't understand she said that she does not care that if my husband's people withdraw their son that they will also withdraw me, that she also does not joke with her own child. 
I was not surprised at her response cos I was expecting it, she has always lived her life through me and hardly agrees with me on anything. I told her for this reason that I also want to hold my husband in high esteem the same way he holds me in high esteem, I told her how blessed I am to have the kind of relationship I have with my husband, I told her that if it were other men, they would have gone wild about this and accused their wives and her family of trying to destroy his life and also they will report to their families who will in turn start fighting the wives but that was not my case and I don't want it to be my case so I want to take precautionary measures to avoid having regrets in future but yet my mum refused to see reasons with me, twisted everything I said to her but I calmly told her that her blackmail won't work this time that my mind is made up and I am ready to bear what comes out of my decision. 
She told me that I should remember tomorrow and I told her I am not cutting my family off, that my request is that they stay away from my home in order to help me build my home if they truly love me and want the best for me. 
When I saw she won't give up, I screamed on top of my voice and told her she is hurting me knowing my condition, that please I want to be left alone, then I eneded the call. Now she has been calling me all day and nicely trying to talk to me about the health and safety of my baby and showing care. 
I appreciate what she is doing but I still don't want to go back on my decision my reason is because I believe that my new family (that's me and my husband) should be my priority as instructed by God and having been born into a broken home (my parents never loved themselves and at some point they separated and my mum went away with us. 
As a result of that my late father hates us and didn't want to have anything to do with us, he always disgraced us and rejected us whenever we tried coming close to him or identifying with him. 
We all reconciled on his death bed so as a result of this I don't want to tell the tale of a bad marriage, I don't want to experience one and I don't want to raise our kids in a dysfunctional home hence I have taken this decision. 
I am fighting very hard not to be gotten over by my mum concerning this issue, I am not cutting them off, I love them deeply and I want to render them all the assistance I want but I want to do it with them outside my home. 
They can visit from time to time but I don't want any of then living with me at least not now. Definitely when my mum grows old and weak I will bring her to live with us and take good care of her. 
Aunty Amara please what is your advice on this, how do you see my decision ? I know this is very lengthy but I had to tell you the entire story I didn't want to leave anything out.
I also forgot to add that when my brother travelled he made use of my husband's travelling bag without informing me and when I complained my mum said she didn't support what he did but why am I making noise over a common bag. 
I felt bad but I let it pass. This morning as he was preparing to take the boy home he took the same travelling bag and packed his belongings without telling me, when I saw him with the bag I scolded him and told him to unpack his things from the bag and I gave him my own travelling bag to pack his things. 
This morning when I was narrating everything to my mum and also mentioned a repeat of what he did this morning all she told me that "is it a bad thing for my brother to use my husband's bag" ? 
I told her it is not a bad thing but he should at least seek my permission that it was the proper thing to do but she only scolded me further about complaining about a mere bag. 
I know very well that familiarity breeds contempt and I don't want anyone to take my husband's kindness for granted because that is always the case especially with people who do not respect boundaries. 
I know the kind of family I am from and I know what all these can lead to if I don't firmly put my feet down . 
My younger brother has been helpful, he drives my around whenever I want to go anywhere, I appreciate all they have done for me but yet, there is no balance. 
As I am typing this message, my brother has sold his puppy but he didn't bother telling me, and when I asked, he throws in something else into the discussion, I don't see all these as proper cos I accomodate all their excess but they don't make efforts to stop causing me troubles, everything is always about their interest, mine does not matter, I am always subjected to sacrifice without them reciprocating at least with good and considerable behavior.

Beautiful wife, your testimony is rare and so is the devil fighting tooth and nail to destroy this beautiful home and loving heart of your husband. 
Will you let that happen? 
Considering the manner in which you met your husband and the kind of home you came from I will advise you as a father, mother, brother and sister to cut off everything from your mother to your brother. 
Plead with your husband if possible to get you a driver and a personal doctor who will attend to your need should you have need of any medical attention. 
It is totally wrong for anyone to enter the room of your husband and touch his own belongings even if it is his dust bin waste. 
It is both disrespectful and disgusting for anyone to tamper with his privacy all because he got married to your family. 
Sincerely it has been your family show ever since you got married to him and if you don't take a very important decision to terminate such ungrateful and avoidable third party of yours, you may live to regret the decision for the rest of your life. 
Thankfully you have taken that evil boy out of your house, to add to what you should do please pray over your entire house and plead the Blood of Jesus over everything around you and in your home. 
For a house boy to connive with your neighbour to get all manner and sorts of charms to destroy your marriage and home is indeed heartbreaking and wicked. 
Also begin now to seek for another accommodation because it seems to me that there is more to that apartment than meets the eyes and the safety of your mind, soul and body is very important especially as you are expecting your baby. 
Work closely with your husband and if possible, shut off your family until you have put to bed and have prepared your heart for such stress. 
When third parties choke your marriage with so much selfishness and insensitivity, it is the duty of the wife to be firm and resolute to avoid creating a very horrible impression in the mind of her husband and in laws. 
If you have not been prayerful before now, please now is the best time to break the roof with your husband and seek the face of God with all aggressiveness and cancel every evil foundation laid by your neighbour and the evil boy. 
Your marriage shall prosper and you shall not end up as a marital casualty in Jesus name Amen. 
I join my faith with yours and decree that no weapons fashioned against you and your family and your partner shall prosper in Jesus name Amen and every tongue that shall rise against you and your husband shall be put to shame in Jesus name Amen. 


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  2. As I read through this write-up I saw maturity and a grown daughter turning to a grown mother. You are on the trail and I believe the much you need is prayers for God to add more wisdom to your wisdom, kindly keep your husband at the high place and keep him informed always as that saves future occurrences which may have to bring out that many things has happened he is not aware of, am very aure he can be of help. However I would advice you remain firm in your decision, dont go back in your words and don't hesitate to keep family at arms length with extreme issues as this. I think you know what to do already but you need the courage and steadfastness to your actions, please I would ask you to be diplomatic with your relatives but remain steadfast on your decision. The Lord is your shepherd and strength.

  3. Am shocked while reading this post, you did the right thing and may God see u tru.

  4. My dear sister your decision is best for you now, I for example am not an advocate of house helps, by the grace of God I am married for 2 years now, a working class, with an adorable daughter of 10 months, I do my things myself, no third party, and I will advice you do the same,get stuffs like washing machine and other electronics, clean your house when you are strong enough to do so but keep your matrimonial bedroom tidy at all times. From all indications your mum is a blackmailer (sorry to say that) but you have to be careful when she comes for Omugwo so she doesn't turn you against your husband. Have it in mind that your husband and your unborn child are your priority now. Your mum has lived her life which she chose to live without her husband and maybe planning that you follow the same trend, am glad you chose order-wise, Please let all family members stay away for now and if anyone must come, ask him or her how long or when they plan to go back until they are ready to respect your husband and recognize the fact that you are married. Also if you put a lock in your bedroom and lock it anytime you are going out equally your room should out of bound, it will be good for you. God bless your Home

  5. As it is, I won't even advocate her coming for omugwo... This is so heartbreaking, but my sis, you have set your part on a good course... Please do not deviate. And I bless God... I bless God over and over again for the gift of your husband. Has given me hope in marriage. Remain blessed in the Lord.

  6. As it is, I won't even advocate her coming for omugwo... This is so heartbreaking, but my sis, you have set your part on a good course... Please do not deviate. And I bless God... I bless God over and over again for the gift of your husband. Has given me hope in marriage. Remain blessed in the Lord.

  7. Wow this is long but precise and I appreciate your polished English, I had to come in because this is no longer natural it has gone spiritual, please invoke the blood of sprinkling every night, take water and declare it as the blood of Jesus and sprinkle round over your house and property and use your husband item or photo as a point of contact to him if he is not around ( better still do it together because 2 heads is better than one)because weather you like it or not the battle is not over its still on weather you are interested in it or not it is interested in you,physically it is over, spiritually,no! You have a battle in your hands ask God for help and see a pastor you trust, please find time to read these bible verse, 2nd Theso 3vs3, Luke 10:19,Exo12vs7,1314,22-24, 2nd Corinth 2vs14, Epesians 6vs10-18,Isaiah 59vs19. Please do not take this casually you were protected because you were ignorant and at the time of ignorant, God overlooks and right now you are not. God will surely direct you if you ask Him and I pray that God who is faithful will stablish you and keep you from evil in Jesus Name amen. Remain blessed.

  8. This is one of the most coherent writeups I've ever come across on this page...Very lengthy but so precise...i must not fail to appreciate your skill dear poster....your school fees was never a waste of resources...keep it up my sister...

    On this matter...i think your decision is simply the best thing a wise woman should do ..You simply did everything to make things work out but they simply blew their chance and even wanted to disorganize and wreck havoc in such a young family but i thank God you guys are still strong together...
    There's nothing much to be said on this...That a woman is your mother doesn't mean she cannot lead you astray...just remain as wise as you are and tread with caution...
    Don't give anybody a chance to run your home...
    You are the gear and the piston so drive your family your way...may God give you the strength...
    On the part of your neighbour, i hope you don't handle the matter lightly...I strongly feel she is bent on destroying your union...there is a high possibility that she wants to take your husband away from you...The items she demanded for clearly shows it..A wedding ring is a symbol of togetherness by nuptial ties and demanding for this calls for intensive scrutiny...
    A mans boxers is the closest wear in contact with his male organ and i also feel she wants to use that boxers as a tool for her fetish acts in order to control him away from you...These are my thoughts...You need to be very prayerful...If possible...advice your husband to change his set of boxers and intensive prayers must be carried out in order to neutralize every charm you and your husband have consumed...
    We await your testimony of a successful delivery of a bouncing baby boy....Make sure you name him "Joseph"....God bless

  9. you are too patient, dont allow your mum ruin your home even your family. is this how your hubby family are disturbing you? why should your own family cause you down fall. please let their be limits to what you curtail and be careful of accepting people to your home

  10. was shock too, i hope people would learn, not all kids are kids, some are evil or old person. as for that your neighbour you need to do the battle with her spiritually, if there are evidence of her sexual abuse of the small boy and manipulating him, please arrest her

  11. For starters , you guys should change your accommodation already that house is accursed for you. Set boundaries, your Marriage is quite young for you to have family members staying with you, or house helps. Always stand your ground and dont let anyone interfere in your family. Take Care of your Mum by sending her monthly stipend cos that is your responsibility but dont give in to her blackmails any longer. God will uphold ur home and I'll advise that u and ur hubby go for a deliverance session. It is well with you and your Marriage in Jesus name

  12. Your type is very rare to find. Please i will advise to keep your family at arms length but still render the usual assistance you can towards them. Get an accommodation for your younger prayerful and be close to your hubby.



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