Saturday, November 7, 2015

Abused by My Father

Dear Amara,
          It's a pleasure writing you. My story is a long one. I'm not sure I could find words to really express my thoughts. I seek to be understood, to know if there's someone out there who shares my thoughts or at least verify that I'm not going crazy. Have you ever felt like you can't think anymore 'cause it seems like your memory is full?
          I come from a broken home. I could also describe it as dysfunctional. All I remember was my dad hitting my mum, she always running off until she finally left when I was still a kid. I was broken,full of anger towards her. I forgave her years later for running off when I got to know about God's love. But growing up with my dad was hell psychologically. Maybe to him,his intentions were good,but to me, he battered my psyche. I'm short of words to describe the frustration. He was so overbearing, even up till date. He did something to me before his little altar he uses to worship when I was little,I don't even understand but still remember. He's not a christian. Even when I got into the university, he still controlled my movements threatening me always that if I dare leave the school premises,he'll know as he has people monitoring me. It's so bad that I feel he enjoys it when the whole world sees something wrong with me. In my final year,back in school then, I struggled financially I had to get a little job. He told my entire family that he gave me a big sum of money for my project and still I was ungrateful. I tell you they criticised me without even hearing the truth. And I wondered,what kind of father would do this? There was a time he flared when he saw me always reading the Word of God asking me if they were my books (even as an adult). Whenever I was on holiday, I couldn't go out. Even to buy something on the street,he would question my movement. My self esteem is battered,ma. I only beg God till date to restore me. Sometimes I feel I'm living a life without direction. People oppress me 'cause I find it hard to verbally express myself. That's why i love writing till date. I always kept a journal then,at least to keep my mind sane. He never allowed me to learn to make decisions for myself.
        Now today when I try to live my life the way I know brings me happiness and freedom, I am termed a rebel and ingrate. My emotional trauma pushed me to a wrong man because I sought attention and love. So I have a daughter and I'm working. My dad once told me that he'll be the one to tell me what to do with my salary. Even presently,he's angry saying that my first salary should have been for him, forgetting I have a daughter to take care of and I just got this job and haven't settled yet. The pressure on me is much spiritually,mentally and financially. He blackmails me psychologically with the formal education he gave me. I love him still and  would forgive him over and over again but I just need him to stop! I live in a different state from him but he still frustrates me over the phone.
         I want peace. I want a happy home with a man who truly loves me and my daughter. I want my daughter to have the good things my parents never gave me. I want to heal...but now it's like my wound is trying to heal and there's someone trying to cut me open again. I want my self esteem back! I want to be understood. I have too many fears...but I'm tired of living that kind of life. I so much desire a settled life and home which I know only God can give me,but it gives me peace to share my thoughts with someone. Thank you for reading.

My Dear,
I understand, maybe partially, how you feel. You have been through so much psychologically right from childhood. Your father was and is being used by the devil to destroy you.
Thank God you have forgiven your mom. You saw the beatings, I'm sure no sane woman would want to abandon her child. I believe she did what was best at that point. Would you have loved to grow up with the story of your mom being killed by your father? It would have done more damage to your life. Thank you for forgiving your mom. You have to get closer to her.

Hear this: Life is not about what happens to us; it's more about how we react to whatever comes our way. Life is about your attitude towards what happened to you. You must have heard part of my story. I was abused, not just physically, emotionally too. For fourteen years, I was messed up and half-dead. But I came out of it and instead of allowing it to keep me down; instead of allowing the opinions of mere mortals to keep me down, I trusted on God's grace and strength. I decided to turn my mess into a message. I decided to allow God heal and use me to heal other broken and messed up things. You know what? God loves broken and messed up things because He is that perfect Potter. You should see this
This is the spirit I want you to ask for. Words are powerful my dear. I got to that point in my life where I could not look at people during conversation because I was made to believe I was the most useless human alive. I am here today talking, writing, and speaking to millions of people. Only you can stop you. Your father can only do what he knows how to do. Like you said, he does not fear God. What makes you think he will be nice to you? All you owe him is prayer. Pray for your dad, pray for salvation of his soul. But for now, relate with him from a distance.
You should read this

Baby girl, you are the one with the power here. You have left home to pursue your career; thank God for that. Many are going through similar or worse things and they can't find a way to leave home. Thank God you left home, not to live in a brothel; you left home to work and take care of your baby.

Now, I want you to ask God to help you and give you the grace to be calm and smile wgenever you hear and see all the negative things he does to you. This is one way to get the devil mad! I am not yet there, but I started praying for that grace to ignore and laugh at the devil and his cohorts.
I want you to go now, stand in front if your mirror. Look at yourself and speak these words to your life
I am beautiful
I am blessed
I am gifted
I am the best
I am loved
I am a gift to my generation
I am God's masterpiece
I am a great vessel of honor
I am unstoppable
I live beyond curses
I live beyond humiliation
I walk in divine authority
Destinies are tied to me and so I must deliver to the glory of God
I shall speak and bring healing to other lives

Speak these words to yourself every morning and night. Write and place it in front of your office table, in your bathroom, kitchen, bedroom... There is power in spoken words and because you fear the Lord, He shall bring it to pass.
Fear not daughter of Zion. Like my Lord, Jesus Christ,  I say, Talitha Cumi...Daughter, Arise!

You're a star. You are a great vessel that God will use to bring revival and restoration to other abused women out there. You must not fail God. Now, begin this journey in Christ.

I love you and I will be your friend henceforth. Send me your number and together, we shall do great things for heaven and for humanity.

Parents, you've seen the effect of negative words on your children. Many are prostitutes today; many are living without purpose; many are in the wrong relationship just because they are looking for that love you failed to give them. Let us know that money can never take the place of relationship with our children especially before they become teenagers. Bond with them and always speak life into them.


  1. Thanks,Aunty Amara. Dear,get books,audios,devotionals,and other materials by JOSEPH PRINCE. They will accelerate your healing. All the best. You are in safe hands. ‪#Quick‬Downloads™101

  2. God's more blessings to you Amara


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