Wednesday, November 18, 2015

He Just Disappeared from My Life!

Amara I have been reading your post for the following two months . Its so touching because I realise how many people are heart broken just Like I have been and lead me back to God and a lot of prayers and self evaluation.
I will be 25 in three months time , I have fallen in love before but the man always leave me for another woman. I never had any sweet heart story. It never lasts more than three months and I was starting to fall into desperation.
I began to feel it was because I was dating my age group and started to look for more mature man. I dated one divorced 40 years man, it didn't work, the age difference was huge but I gained so much from that relationship and was never maltreated like the young man did to me .
But this summer I felt in love with a 35 years old man with one 6 years old kid. He and his wife live in a different country due to his work assignment. She wasn't able to move with him. And he came strong really strong to me. Telling me how he and his wife were so distant, and how the fire is dying between them. That he saw in me as a second chance and asked me time after time that he would divorce her and marry me.
Believe me I believed him . He seemed so sincere and with good intentions. I though he probably wasn't happy in his marriage. He told me about the culture differences and shocks he and his wife had to live with.
She was Canadian and he was African like me. All those things made me believe they were not compatible probably. And I gave him a chance. He treated me like a queen, I never had before a man that adored me and cheered me up, always advising, helping, giving me his hand and wanting to see me succeed.
And since he wasn't married in church I thought that probably we can get married and be blessed by God . Because I am a Christian and he told me he was willing to do that if it was what I wanted . He is not Christian but he respected my faith .

Things changed in September when he was reassigned back to USA and now his wife moved to USA to live with him

And give their relationship a second chance and he came and talked to me . Ended all and told me he wasn't sure about us anymore that he thinks we were a mistake and that it was all his fault. He asked me to forgive him that he didn't want to hurt me that he feels divided now and feels like he needs to give a second chance to his wife and their marriage.

I am still recovering and learning from my mistake. I know I should never be with him even though he wasn't living with his wife.
All the time and attention he gave me was because he was alone and had the time to do that.

He was always with me and had all the time for me and now he is gone like he never existed

He disappeared from my life and I just would like to understand what happened and what was my mistake
so that I can avoid it in the future.

I am moving on and want to look at it at the best possible way

I have been through so much and in the midst of all my pains and desperation I found God and myself again
Which has given me peace of mind, and courage to pick up my pieces and continue to walk .
Because I know I will find the God's promise to my life later or sooner.

My greatest joy is that you chose to draw close to God in spite of the pains and disappointment you have experienced in your relationship with men. 
Sometimes we make a decision without seeking his face and asking for his will before taking the first step. 

Granted that this didn't end as you planned, our God is faithful and kind to bless you with the man of your heart desire. 
The truth is that the age of a man has never been the challenge but the heart of a man 
Some men may be old but not mature for a relationship while a man maybe young and emotionally stable for a relationship and marriage. 
So maybe you should let that settle within that the heart comes before the age of an individual when it comes to relationship and marriage. 
Let's take a step by step analysis of what happened in your previous relationship. 
This man came to you telling you how things wasn't working as he planned them and how he wished... Mark the word wish. 
If a man hasn't divorced his wife,please do not stand in the gap to help him find happiness or make any decision for them no matter how much his wife has hurt him or how foolish his wife has been. 

No matter his promises or attention, if he cannot present his divorce certificate to you, please kindly keep off from such a man because he may be using you as a stop gap between him and his wife and will always return to his wife because a man has a compartment for investment and fling in their heart. 

Learn from this and never you present yourself as a solution to a man who may be interested in your body and not in you. 
Forgive him and forgive yourself for thinking that you were better than his wife and could take her place knowing fully well that he was not divorced to her nor do you know the details of their marriage. 

Be friendly with yourself and with those around you and be open to learn and give more. 
Seek the face of God and grow in your relationship with him knowing that he's faithful to reward you with your own husband in due time. 
Cheer up and be hopeful. 


  1. Dear poster...
    Sincerely, i must commend you for taking the pains to write all these irrespective of the criticisms it might attract from readers...
    I clearly sense genuity and truth in this story as you didn't paint words in order to be seen as the innocent one...If only stories could be presented just the way they happened as i can see from your post, more problems would be solved..
    Back to your story...i must commend you for doing the needful which is finding christ and experiencing that soothing sensation it brings to raging souls..
    I must advice you not to force yourself into any relationship again...No law states that a lady of 25 must be in a have no reason to be desperate...
    Since you've found christ, simply allow Him to perfect your relationship in His own time...Let God do that which he knows how to do.. must avoid the advances of married men...No matter the promises made, just know that their hearts have already been committed to some other persons..It doesn't stand the test of always leads to regret...
    I pray you find that which belongs to you..

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