Tuesday, November 17, 2015

I Feel Ashamed and Confused!

Good evening Auntie
I wrote to you some months ago seeking advice on whether to compromise my choice of partner for my mom's. I opened up to my mom and told her I was unhappy with the white guy so I'd like to go back to my ex who still wanted me. After a lot of crying my mom agreed to invite him over.
During the conversation my mom told him she could kill for my brother and me. And that we were all she had. After the conversation she agreed to give us a month to see how things go.
It's almost two months now and I have been waiting for my mum to call me to talk to me but she hasn't. I'd decided to finish my exams before having a deep talk. I still tell her whenever I'm invited by him on dates and whenever he gives me gifts. Because first time we dated I couldn't open up.
The problem is this auntie: I was at work last Friday when my boyfriend texted me whether I'd asked my mom of our fate. I told him no, I was waiting for her to call me.
Upon closing he told he had a bad dream seeing my mom threatening him again that didn't he get the memo when she told him she could kill for her children.
I've fasted and prayed over the weekend. He's told his mom about the dream and apparently she wasn't happy.
I feel ashamed and confused. I don't know whether I should call his mom and apologise on my mother's behalf.
One weird thing is my mom told me not to cut contact with my ex, the white guy. I asked her why.
She didn't give me a good reason. Moreover she was using a tablet my boyfriend gave me but after he came to the house she returned it even though she behaved cordial whenever he came to the house, offering him food etc.
Auntie, is my mom playing games? Is she trying to get me to play by rules ?

Thank you Auntie. God bless you

At the age of 23 you should not be breast feeding from your mum and then lie helpless in wait for mums suggestions, opinions and decision. 
Great she's doing her best to make sure you don't repeat her mistakes in the past but unfortunately your mother is only human with many limitations and myopic opinions. 
Should you subject your destiny to your mother's opinions, please do not blame God for the outcome of your life. 
At this point in your life, you should know exactly what you need and not what your mother approves, in fact, what you need isn't men's approval but God's approval and men's prayers for you to prosper in your marriage. 
If you make your mother the authority in your marriage, of course your husband wouldn't be the head and there is no way God can be the authority in such home should you make your mother the boss. 
In the midst of mummy's opinions and your partner's convictions should be your own convictions of what you need and what you desire in your home and in marriage. 
Let me remind you of what I told you earlier

"If you marry mummy's man, then be ready to live out mummy's script at the detriment of your happiness... then again i ask, can you cope?

Appreciate and celebrate your mum for who she is...loving and resilient mum..

But be responsible and in charge of your world and your decisions... you are the one running your dreams.."

As regards the dreams, encourage your partner not to take it seriously because he, may only be reacting to the fear of losing you to your mum's authority or opinions and may not necessarily be the true representation of God's will for your relationship and marriage. 
There's no need for any apologies because in reality, your mum may never say such. 
At this point in time, I'm almost exhausted on what to tell you but please I plead with you to seek the face of God and work more with your partner and minimise the mummy said that this and she wants you to do that. 

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