Wednesday, November 11, 2015

I'm Feel like Dying and Killing my Baby!

Hi Amara I have read your posts and I thank you for what you do in people's life. My friend introduced me to your page this morning so I want to write if it will help.
I'm broken...I'm really broke. I met this man in 2010 we were just friends until 2013 when we started dating. We were planning to get married in March 2015.
He stayed in Norway while I lived in Nigeria. Everything for our marriage was ready. All the stuffs in the list, wedding cards and everything wedding needs, he paid for everything. Unfortunately when he came to Nigeria in June I got pregnant for him which I refused to tell him because I wanted to abort it.
I later told him which he was filled with excitement and was happy. He told me to stop work that he would send me my monthly salary because I almost had two miscarriage attempts.
I stopped work because doctor encouraged me to do that as well that I needed bed rest. I gave birth to the baby premature in December because I was having high blood pressure and lots of stuffs which I cant explain.
The unfortunate thing here was that he left me two months while pregnant. I'm against abortion so I refused to abort the baby. Now I have this baby I feel like I have the worst nightmare. Sometimes I think I'm not okay I want to kill myself and the baby. I feel God does no exist anymore. I look at this mans pictures on Facebook he is happy enjoying his life while I'm here broken, while I'm here suffering.
To me right now there is no God and I'm looking for the nearest native doctor to kill him. If I don't kill him I will kill myself and this child.
I have admitted I made a mistake and I have accepted my mistake but does God have to punish me with this child? Did I do anything wrong keeping him.
Everywhere I have to go I have to go with a baby, my dad has said the most abusive things to me which if I think about it I get a poison I bought to drink.
Though I'm scared of dying at the same time I feel life is worthless. My life has been delayed and this man till now does not care about any of us.
He accused me of cheating, he accused me lying he even accused my parent of going to native doctor for him. I wish I could lose my memory sometime but that is never happening. I'm afraid not to hurt this baby someday because I have lost it. Please can you talk sense into me? Even if it is rude but the truth tell me. Can you tell me if God is real? Cause I have said too many abusive words to God, I have even disown God cos I see him acting.
God has failed me. Nothing in my life seems right anymore.

My love, 
I know that you may have forgotten so soon how beautiful you are, how wonderful you are and how blessed God has made you. 
He thought about you even when you had no idea of your personality talk more of knowing what the earth looked like. 
He started forming you in your mother's womb, protecting you from every infections and sicknesses and providing all you needed both in the womb and at birth. 
He nurtured you and gave you all that you desired and today you are a woman, one who is blessed with a precious and innocent baby. 
Yes you may have made some mistakes in the past but hanging your happiness on a man whose interest was in your body will not only make you frustrated but will drive you into depression which if not taken care of may destroy your life and that of your baby. 
Let's begin with the basics of your journey with this man in Nowhere sorry Norway. 
You loved him so much that you spent three years of your life growing in friendship with him. 
You admired his personality and prayed to be with him for the rest of your life and then he came in 2013 and told you his intentions to date you. 
What I can't tell was what made you fall in love with him but it was obvious that you were in love with him and perhaps he had the money to make you his Nigerian wife while he was away in Nowhere probably with his wife who is taking care of him. 
Painfully you were already pregnant for him and he was already done with you and the relationship. 
What I can't tell was whether he paid your dowry or not and whether you went ahead to get married to him but one thing was certain and that was the fact that you didn't know who you were dating. 
He was never interested in your child so didn't see the need to take care of you or be concerned about your wellbeing. 
I understand that this wasn't what you bargained for but trading blames from your innocent child to your parents who are in deep pains will never make you happy nor will it take away the fact that you have a duty and responsibility to take care of the baby God has blessed you with. 
I would rather suggest that you take your mind off your partner and focus more on your baby. 
That baby has a blessing you have no idea of and a future unknown to the world. 
That baby desires to see you live and watch him grow into a great individual with a vision and passion for his life. 
In spite of all the negative feelings and pains you must have been experiencing lately, God has been merciful and faithful to you and your family. 
He didn't allow death to destroy you nor did he leave you without helping hands. 
I don't need to quote scriptures for you because the evidence of God's faithfulness and unconditional love for you, all you need to do is look into the eyes of your baby for some time and you will see how gracious and fulfilling God has been for you. 
Yes you are angry and disappointed with your partner but please get hold of your emotions and learn to grow from your weaknesses to your strength. 
Draw close to God even if it be in your unbelief and pour out your heart, bitterness and pains to him. 
Forgive yourself and your partner for disappointing you and please surround yourself with those who will support you and encourage you in times of weakness. 
Snap out of I will kill myself and my children, hell isn't a good place to be and for whatsoever reasons always remember that the life that you live and the life of your baby is a gift from God and someday you shall give account of what you did with it whether good or otherwise. 
Accept the responsibility for your actions and the result of your choices and learn to manage yourself and to raise your baby. 
Make a decision in your heart to be a mother to your baby and forget about what his father is doing at the moment because only God can tell why he chose to use your womb to bring your baby. 
Cheer up and please calm down your spirit of hatred, anger and low self esteem and take charge of your circumstances no matter how painful it maybe. 
Always remember that you need heat to prepare a tasty meal, maybe this is God's way of preparing you for the purpose for which he created you and gave you the rare privilege to enjoy humanity. 
Let his family know about your baby and demand for the provision of all he needs for the upkeep of your baby but do not force them if they choose not to. 
No matter what you are experiencing today, always remember that it's a phase that will be over in a matter of time. 
You are too beautiful to let the devil waste you and your baby for nothing. 
And because you are a divine project in God's hands, please do not be in a haste to give up on God. 
Because you could write me and because you have your baby,I so much believe that there is God. 
Make peace with yourself and you will realise that God was never far away from your heart. 


  1. Why are you bringing God into your situation now, when you did not invite Him when you were enjoying your sins? You can not pretend that you have never heard that pre-marrital sex is a sin. When God said do not defile your body, do you think He has a wife or husband he is hiding from you? It is for your own good. It would do you a lot of good to go back to the same God that you have abused when you were doing the will of your father Satan and confess your sins and ask for His forgiveness. Do you think the suffering and pain you are going through now is anything compared to the eternal torment awaiting you in Hell if you kill yourself or the baby? Wake up from your slumber and pick up the remaining pieces of your life when you still can. Who told you a better man can still not come for your hand in marriage and be a good husband to you and a loving & doting father to your baby? No advise or words from any of us here will be as good as the counsel you will find in the word of God. Go and search the scriptures. God has a word for you that when you locate it, you will recognise it and you will be at peace with God, yourself and the run-away lover boy.

    1. Nice words of consolation..hope she got this message and hold it up... God does still exist. sometimes I feel he doesn't buh something tells me he's there listening to me and watching..nice words sister..

  2. I sincerely think you need to forget your past and take charge of your future. You're a beautiful and an amazing lady and God has blessed you with a gift that many married ladies are looking for. If I were you, I'd cherish my child and invest in that child. That child is your future and would be your key to so many doors. NEVER NEVER curse yourself or your child as you may be destroying your future.
    As for your parents, I really don't like saying "pray about it" it's not that I don't believe in God but I like to be realistic. Your parents are doing what parents would do. But believe me when I say if you pick yourself up off the floor and stand straight and tall. You will command the world and it will listen to you. But it starts with YOU.

    Let the past go and move with the time. Your future will be bright and amazing...

  3. Wonderful piece of advise, for dis u will make heaven in Jesus name, hot rebuke, but with love, God bless you .


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)