Friday, November 27, 2015

My Husband is a Control Freak!

Good day ma, trust you are doing great. Please ma, am in dire need of your advice and counselling, I would have written long ago but each day I thought things would get better. I have prayed, fasted, yet no answer. I have tried communicating, no way now I keep to myself.
I am a married woman with kids. My hubby is a very jealous man infact a control freak right from when I married him and am tired of all these whole drama. He's the perfect gentleman I ever dreamt of. I dated him for eight months before we got married and each day has never passed without his jealous attitude pissing me off.
I wouldn't say I didn't see a bit of this before marriage but as a learner I was then, I didn't know it will come knocking big time this time around. I was working before we got married,I stopped because he never believed I introduced him well the first day he met my boss.
This attitude is ripping me of so many things. As I talk to you, I don't have a single friend (though am not bothered) but what now happens to the relationship I have with my family. He feels uncomfortable and insecure each time I speak with them.
By the grace of God,he has been enjoying long distance relationship with my family. He feels I discuss our family affairs with my parents. That's not enough for him. He checks my call log, messages first once an alert comes in even to the point of putting my calls in loudspeaker if an unknown number calls in yet his mind won't be at rest. If he calls and I was busy to pick at the moment, all hell would be let loose. I have never given him any reason to doubt me yet each time he is not with me, this attitude plays trick with his mind.
I have once told him if you lived a dirty life before we married, don't expect I did same with my life. I have never bothered checking his phone or what he does with it because I feel its not my headache but I don't know why I will always be accused of infidelity even when I move about everywhere with the kids.
This whole thing is affecting me daily and it brings tears to my eyes. Several times he has come home unannounced yet he feels I don't know he does that to monitor if I was where I told him I was. Most times I have told him, let's become best of friends even if I don't have any reasonable thing to say, at least hear me out.
If I come online and read something useful, I don't share with him because he has refused to step up with me or at least be free with me, then I keep it all to myself. You can't believe he does not have my password let alone knowing I belong to some of these groups online.
Whatever I read or learn here, I don't tell him. I can't even call his attention to read a post with me. All these are the things I longed to share and laugh with my man, but he might see it that my eyes and now open and Facebook teaches me how to run my family. He's just too religious for my liking.
I don't talk dirty with him in the bedroom,even if I try to avoid having sex chat with him on phone whenever he's not around and I miss him because to him, it looks like I might catch fun elsewhere. if he feels I have laughed too much, he must spoil it. Am living in the shadow of myself.
In fact these days, I enjoy his absence more than his presence (God forgive me). If I look for work, wahala, if I don't look, another wahala. He has once asked the priest that wedded us if I could work as church secretary with or without salary, that he does not mind paying me from his purse.
He wants my life to be revolving around church and home only in his absence. I don't feel excited going out with him for the fear of meeting any old friend because he must keep malice and tagged it that I once dated him.
Any fault from the kids or from my help, I am being blamed. I can't believe the year is ending with my life like this yet I avoid any form of quarrel with him because that's when he always tell me the story of how I have been jobless all these years. There is nothing wrong with my life. There is more than enough to be thankful for yet he will make me feel like a failure. I can't wait to have something doing to stop me from thinking too much.
Please help me with every possible ways to come out of this.

What you are experiencing in your marriage is quite challenging and a bit complex because you are dealing with a man who has low self esteem and is not teachable. 
And what you are dealing with is a trust issues with your husband who for reasons best known to him doesn't have any rest of mind as far as a lady is concerned. 
The painful aspect of this is that you saw the signs and you chose to ignore them or should I say condone them hoping that he will change after wedding and that in itself has left you crying and experiencing pains in your marriage. 
There is two ways to address this but none is without some form of pressure on your marriage and some restrictions on your own part. 
One will be to sit him down, dig deep into his life and find out his experience with women in the past. This will help you to organise yourself before telling him the things you can tolerate or accommodate and the things that are clearly beyond your capacity and strength to endure. 
Being married doesn't have to reduce your self esteem and make you feel choked and traumatised and you must make your points clear in a respectful manner without sounding like you are daring his personality or authority. 
He must quit comparing you with other women in his past and must learn to accord you the respect that you deserve and not make you feel like you are in the prison for getting married to him. 
If he cannot learn to trust you then he should at least learn how not to judge you unfairly with his jealousy and insecurity. 
The second option will be to learn to ignore his attitude and flaws and live as though they don't have any effect on you. 
Though this may not be the best approach but it will shut you off from always feeling pained and annoyed knowing that someone is busy checking your phones, messages, and annoyingly treating you like a slave in his house. 
This will naturally push you into engaging yourself with some skills or trainings that will help you become productive in yourself and at the time channel your energy into productive activities. 
But in all you must let your husband know that you are not a slave nor will you continue with such slavery. 
What I may not figure out is how best to help him understand the message without misunderstanding your intentions and purpose. 
Finally, it maybe difficult because he's not teachable but it's not impossible or beyond God so while you engage in communicating deeper with him and you help him to understand the effects and consequences of his insecurities and low self esteem, please also pray for him and buy some videos and materials that he could read and learn from with the hope that they will strengthen him emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. 

1 comment:

  1. What else can one say?.................
    Medical tourism can be curtailed. How?………….
    Spread the news fast and wide

    * A wise man prevents what a fool cures
    * The price of prevention is low but cure is high
    Sixty three pages of various testimonies mostly Nigerian
    and their phone numbers who had various serious health challenges before click the link bellow.



    It all started about February 2012 and the first symptoms I started experiencing were non-productive cough and chest pain. I consulted with consultant physicians and ENT surgeons at different hospitals and I was subjected to diverse laboratory investigations, all to no avail. I took several X-rays of the chest and did CT scan of both the chest and the neck. TB tests (acid fast bacill and gene expert), echocardiogram, FNAC (fine needle aspirate cytology) and so on, without anyone being able to make any impression that could suggest what was wrong with me. The cancer had already metastasized to other parts of my body while those investigations were being done.
    On 20th June 2013, I was rushed to LASUTH (Lagos State Teaching Hospital) medical emergency on account of severe breathlessness at about 7am. I was given emergency medications to relieve the breathlessness and from my arrival here, I began to make use of artificial oxygen which I was on for one full month, while I was being investigated by different medical teams. Within that period, I was placed on anti-TB drugs following a mentuex test that was carried out on me, which came out positive within durations of 16 minutes.
    It was when I was taken to theatre for bronchoscopy and mediasthnoscopy that the cardio-thoracid team discovered the massive metastatic tumor that had obstructed my trachea at the lower third of the trachea. I was then referred to EKO hospital Ikeja for radiotherapy, I had seven courses of radiotherapy at the hospital and I had six courses of chemotherapy at LASUTH. There was a time my platelet count dropped to one (1) and I was losing blood through my nostrils, mouth and I was urinating frank red blood. It was while I was receiving chemotherapy that a doctor friend of mine (Dr. Emmanuel Nsofor) brought Bell Supreme Immune Booster and Japanese Green Tea to me and I began to use them. It was from that moment that I stopped breaking down after every course of chemotherapy and I began to feel strong within in spite of my wasted exterior.
    Having realized the efficacy of Bell Products, I started using Curcumin 2000X as well.

    Apart from strengthening my immunity and helping me to recover from CANCER OF THE LUNGS. I have not been sick since one year ago that I started using the products inspite of the fact that I used to suffer so often from malaria before my contact with Bell Products. I sincerely thank God Who made it possible for DR THEO ANUCHA MD/CEO of Bell Lifestyle to bring the products to Nigeria.

    Bell products will take care of ………………….
    The products have been of great help to all serious medical challenges. Read more of various testimonies with their phone numbers of those who have been benefited from ………..
    Everyday, we receive amazing testimonials about our product efficacy. Testimonies stream in from Doctors, Pharmacists, other health Personnels, distributors, and in fact from everyone! All forms of chronic ailments bow at the feet of Bell Lifestyle products. Hundreds of Thousands of people have been helped!

    To order call Akin now +2348051400850 +2347031998888
    Or 08051400850 07031998888

    Solution is
    For more information, visit

    Or shorten form



Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)