My husband, his two brothers and two sisters lost their father at a very tender age. So they were raised up to primary school level by their mother before they joined business. The girls also got married. Their mother had two children after the husband's death.
My mother-in-law controls all her children. They will never say no to her requests nor advice her. They believe everything she tells them. She's using that to deal with all of her daughter-in-laws.
When we were about to wed, she did not support us saying that since am a graduate that am too big for her son. After our wedding, she did everything possible to make sure that I stayed wit her in the village but my husband refused and took me abroad where he stays.
Whenever I visit her, she'll be correcting, finding faults, criticising me and my people in my presence. She used to say that I am eating her son's money alone while her daughters are suffering. I don't use to respond, cos if I ever do she'll lie against me and tell her children and they will hate me the more.
If I put to bed, none of them will call. Same thing happened when I lost my siblings. She's always demanding for money for her needs and for her daughters. Could you believe that my husband pays for the security and electric bills of the whole compound in the village even when he's not there.
Recently, I went home to have our third baby . Because of their behaviour, I stayed with my parents.
When my baby was two months old, I decided to stay with my mother-in-law for a while. With my Hubby's consent, I packed into his new house.
My mother-in-law was very angry with me, she said that I didn't know when they did the foundation of the house so I was not supposed to pack into it. She started starving me and my kids. She told her son and grandchildren with her never to enter our house. I went to my parents house, collected some food stuff and started cooking my own food.
One day I went to the old house to fetch water, and I saw her complaining about me to her brother. She said that I now cook my own food and hide her grandchildren inside the house. When she saw me, she started walking towards shouting my name that I'll never live long in the land. I told her 'back to sender'. She raised her hand to beat me and I told her that if she does it I'll beat her mercilessly. Then one of her sons that was there now held me.
Later she started calling her children and telling them that I wanted to beat her. My husband stopped picking my calls. I was so disturbed and went back to my parent's house. My husband and I settled after some weeks. None of them cared about their brother's kids until we came back after many months. When we came back I called my mother-in-law and told her that we arrived safely.
The next day, she called my husband and told him that her daughter that has not married will quit her job to start her own. That she will need about N500 000 to start. That their eldest son said that they should tell my husband. Since then she'll flash everyday to remind him of that. This girl in question, didn't see the baby I gave birth to at home. She didn't visit nor call.
Aunty Amara to be frank with you, anytime she calls I'll be very angry and transfer the aggression to my husband. I've tried to forgive her of the bad things she did to me but she always made the wound fresh again.
Meanwhile, she gave my husband a command that he'll make a fence round their old house, the elder brother's house and our house.
That he'll not fence only his house. He's still on the project . My husband sent about N300 000 to them when I was at home for it.
Please I need your advice because I don't want my mother-in-law to destroy my marriage with her manipulations. Thank you and may God continue to bless you . Amen
Though your mother in law is out to destroy your marriage, the only person who has the capacity to protect your marriage and fortify your home is you the wife.
When your husband chose you amongst all other women including his mother, he gave you the spiritual authority to care, nurture and protect your home using your knees and your attitude.
Because you know that your mother in law is a time bomb waiting to explode, you must be as wise as a serpent never to be the one to explode the bomb because it will also destroy your marriage knowing the this bomb is standing on the veins of emotional attachment from your husband and his siblings.
While they know that she may be overstepping her boundaries, they wouldn't want to do anything that will make them feel as though they are not grateful for her sacrifices and suffering when they were helpless.
This is what made your husband to react in the manner that he did and where you should have been more careful and wise with your choice of words.
Truth is that you wanted to let her know that you are around and that you cannot take the insults anymore hence your decision to fetch trouble from their compound.
My thoughts though, you shouldn't have said the things you said though I perfectly understand why you reacted in that manner.
No matter how provoked or disappointed you may be with her attitude, she bore your husband and the father of your lovely children and as such still deserves some courtesy and appreciation.
That is the only reason why your confronting her may not have been the best way to address his overbearing attitude to your marriage.
That should have been done perfectly by your husband and not you which to some extent portrays you as a woman with little or no respect for your in laws.
Well enough of analysing what happened in the past, forgive her please.
Do not live with the torment and torture of her attitude and dwell with her. Forgive her not necessarily because she was right but because you are stronger than her insecurities and shortcomings.
Forgive her because you need to be at peace with your husband and your home and you can't achieve that by keeping grudges against his own mother.
Let your vision be to get closer to your husband in such a manner that before he makes any decision to do anything, he will consult you and consider your opinions.
If he was offended by your attitude, kindly plead for forgiveness and assure him of your support to help him become the kind of Man he desires to be in life.
Pet him in such a manner that his mother's opinion doesn't have any influence on him and his perception of you.
If God has blessed your husband and he feels comfortable to help anyone, encourage him to do so, do not count the sins of those who hurt you against them.
Always remember that God is faithful to reward everyone and nobody can do it better than him so do not use their attitudes as a reference but use the cross.
Encourage him to make investment for his children and his own family because family members may not be as nice and loving should his children have any need for help tomorrow.
Support him in his business and if possible, keep your mind off his discussions with his own family because they will always be part of him in life.
Pray for him because it takes the grace of God for a man to balance his home and his relatives and not let one encroach to the other.
Pray that God will give you the heart to forgive those who simply hate you for nothing sake and are praying for your downfall.
Pray that God will give you the wisdom and patience to tolerate his relatives without losing your temper or losing your image as the mother and wife to their own brother.
I know that you are fighting with your enemies but do not worry because in Christ Jesus, your victory is already assured.
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