Friday, November 27, 2015

Should I Go Ahead with the Marriage?

Good evening Amara. I liked your page just recently and I must confess, you are great! Keep it up. Please I need an advise on a particular issue.
There's this guy that is seriously coming for my hands in marriage but here are the issues I have with him;
First, he stays abroad.
Secondly, he had paid the bride prize of one lady but they didn't last because he realised she has had her bride prize paid twice from two different men. He got to know this from people after he had an issue with her. According to him, he saw a message on her Facebook inbox that ended with 'I love you'.
When he confronted her, she condemned him and told him that he was behaving like a kid. So then, he asked her to update her Facebook profile to 'Married' and she refused. She threatened to report him to her father because he overreacted. So she packed her loads and went home.(By this time she was already pregnant). Efforts to bring the two together proved abortive as the lady said if he doesn't want to marry her again, that she can always get married because she is pretty.
The man's mum went to the lady's family about three times and told her to call her husband but she refused and insisted that he wouldn't have overreacted.
After two months in her father's house, the man became fed up and took her loads back to her parents (they never bothered to call to find out what really happened between him and their daughter).
Finally, they dissolved the marriage in a customary court and returned the bride prize. The lady later had a baby boy.
Now my question is this, do you think it is advisable for me to go ahead with this marriage? The guy in question is in his mid 30's now and I'm in my mid 20's. I will be glad to get a reply from you soonest. Thanks in anticipation

I cannot verify the authenticity of his information about this but if they be true then I will help you understand the implications and the significance of what he experienced with the lady. 
If the lady didn't tell him about the two men who have already paid for her dowry, it's a case of deception and traditionally he has no authority to marry her because based on the fact that her dowry was not returned to those previous men. 
Secondly since he has dissolved the marriage in a customary court of competent jurisdiction and have collected his dowry from her family, he's not answerable to any of the affected parties and that includes the mother of his son and her family and as such can marry any lady that he decides to marry. 
Where I feel that you may need to consider is the presence of his son. 
This will be a link between him and his ex because he will need to send some money for his upkeep and a time will come when he will need to bring him home and be closer to him. 
If you are comfortable with getting married to him, this is what you need to reconsider so that you don't treat him as though he's not part of your family. 
You need to be emotionally and mentally prepared to accommodate him and support your husband so that he doesn't feel stressed by his responsibilities or should you feel threatened by his relationship with the lady especially when he needs to call to discuss about his son. 
Also if you are comfortable with him, then you must deepen the communication with him and help him to heal of the pains, deceits and emotional manipulations of his ex by listening to him and appreciating his needs to be accepted and respected.
You must be a lady who understands the essence of prayers and sincerity so that he doesn't feel that you may be like his ex. 
That a man is staying abroad shouldn't be an issue unless you are doubting his personality and you have not dated him to the extent of getting to know who he is and what his personality and purpose is like. 
Of course you need to do your investigations to know if there are any information that you may need to know so that you are not taken unawares and I will suggest that if you haven't met with him, please do and don't make any commitment until you are satisfied with the information available to you and you are convinced about his personality. 
Also find out his personal relationship with God and his vision in life so that you will understand him and be able to communicate and bond effectively with him. 
Like I said earlier, based on the available information about his personality, he can remarry and enjoy the privileges of marriage and a supportive wife. 

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