Friday, November 6, 2015

Where Should my Introduction be Held?

Greeting to you aunty Amara for the wonderful work you are doing and to all the AVL here. Please ma, I need an advise from matured men and women here.
The problem here is that my dad didn't pay my mother's dowry and they went their separate ways eight years ago.
My wedding introduction is supposed to be on 29th of November, my mum and her family members insisted that the wedding must be done in their home town not in my father's home town (lmo)state.
My husband to be people on the other hand said they can't marry me in my mother's home when my father is very much alive.
Am very confused please help me ma.

Beloved, let your husband to be know that he or his people has no right or say about where your dowry should be paid. 
Their own duty is simply to go to anywhere they were told your roots emanated from and pay for your dowry, else he may need to reconsider another person. 
Because this has to do with Igbo tradition, if a woman's dowry wasn't paid, all her children belongs to her family and her father is the father of such children and they also have inheritance in their mother's house. 
I know that you may not have come across that, it is a serious problem if a man doesn't pay the dowry of the mother of his children and in some traditions, the day he would want to pay for her dowry, he would pay the dowry for each child the union produced before he came for the dowry. 
So by the tradition of the Igbos, your dowry ought to be paid in your mother's family and not in your father's house. 
The law has an entirely opposite views about this but since you are talking about traditional marriage, that's what is obtainable in Igbo land. 
So what's the way out, if your dad will humble himself and at least seek forgiveness and corporation from her, perhaps she may change her mind and allow you to decide where you will prefer for the traditional marriage. 
Or better still, your dad may have to be in your mother's house and perform the civic responsibilities of the day and bless you and your marriage. 
If none of the two are willing to shift grounds, then your partner should honour your mother's decision and pay your dowry in her home. 
Then during your white wedding, your father can stand by you and present you to your husband. 
So you need not to be confused because of the opinions of your in laws but need to be educated about your tradition. 
You need to have compassion on your mother because the world judges her unfairly because of you and your siblings. 
She has no respect in your father's house which was why she decided to leave him until he does the right thing. 
So please discuss with your partner and let him know the options that are available for you at the moment and seek his opinions on how best to approach the challenge. 
But he should be willing to work with you and not give you orders because you never contributed to the challenge you are currently experiencing. 
Pray about it and apply great wisdom and caution so that you will prosper in your marriage. 


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  2. Dear poster was ur father the one that trained you from ur infant still now cuz if he is, then he has a little say but the fact and the truth still remains that ur mother's bride price wasn't paid and by tradition u belong to ur mother's pple cuz ur father didn't marry her well and secondly pls ur husband and his pple should not have any say in this matter cuz it's not for them to decide abeg.


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