Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Am I Suffering from Low Self Esteem?

Good evening Amara Van-Lare
I am 28 years old lady, unemployed, christian and I have never been to parties before! I met someone eight months ago, we have been out to luncheons and dinners. He never rushed me to anything and now he want us to go out with his friends and their partners.......
Now my problem is am not the kind of person who like talking in front of group of people, I can't dance, actually what exactly am I supposed to do when am around his friends and their partners. #very shy#
I don't like being watched when I do something. Last weekend he asked me to accompany him to his aunt's funeral, I came with an excuse, so as not to go there. He called me the same day of the funeral that his cousins were with their partners and he was all alone: I felt so bad. And he said he wanted me to meet his family because he really wanted to commit now.
I really don't know whether am suffering from low self esteem or what? Cos this thing I think it will be the reason to push the guy away, as my previous relationship was three years ago.
My ex boyfriend, used to tell me that I was boring him, he used to call me a Pastor cos I was always on church doing sessions. So I can't let this current relationship to break, please help.

What you need is not a man who will change your personality and try to push you into doing things to impress his friends and family though it's not entirely bad for a man to feel that way. 
What you need is not a man who sees your personality as your weakness and finds reasons to always give you reasons to feel bad about your identity and perception of life. 
What you need is a partner who first understands that you are who you are and you are not faking to be someone else nor were you trying to punish him for loving you. 
What you need is a man who will pet you with all patience and understanding and support you to sit down, crawl, take the first step and then walk before running. 
Every individual had their own days of feeling shy and withdrawn and while some were quick to overcome, some took their time which is perfectly normal. 
What I would suggest that you do is for you to sit your partner down and be practically honest with him in letting him know about your personality and your own way of getting social and unwinding. 
Help him to understand why you may not always be there for his parties and celebrations with his friends and relatives while assuring him that you will climb the ropes with time and patience. 
This will at least help him to understand you better and not put you under pressure to impress him. 
Relationship is always a journey of many compromises, where you have to most times consider others more than you consider self and strive to balance the two without letting one part suffer from negligence. 
Take your time but don't always give excuses not to at least participate with him in some of his outings, it will help you to appreciate his cycle of friends and also understand his personality much better than you thought you knew of him. 
It will also help you find reasons to shake off the weight of feeling off the rack, inferior and unhappy about your personality. 
You must not dance for them to know that you were there but you can decide to cheer them up or simply listen and learn from him. 
But the bottom line is, never you venture into anything that you will regret much later in life all because you are trying to impress your partner. 
Anyone who leaves you because of your personality doesn't really deserve to be part of your life. 
Being social comes with exposure and it takes some time to figure out how you wish to express yourself in the public. 


  1. Dear poster..
    It might be your nature but Please you need to improve...
    You must strive to change this...
    That word "IT'S MY REAL NATURE" has ruined so many people...Change is not be decieved...
    You must be dynamic in life..
    I can't imagine how boring this situation will look like..
    If you expect people to turn up when you organize events, you must learn to reciprocate...
    Go with him to functions..
    Don't risk letting him always go alone because you feel you're not jovial..
    Predators are around the corner in the name of girls who are ever ready to give him that couples dance..
    You must not be Michael Jackson before you move to the rythm of music...
    Don't make your man feel like a single...
    If for any reason he masters going to functions alone, na you go feel the pain...
    Don't teach him to do that biko...
    If you can attend a conference organized by your office or risk losing your job, you must attend occasions with your husband whether you're shy or not..
    Please...don't give ths devil a chance

  2. I hate to say this but really shyness is when you feel inadequate and as such would rather hide under the guise that you cant face people or crowd. We all have a bit of it in us but chose to come out of our shell. Even when you don't know what to say just smile but show up! If you feel people will laugh at you then take extra pains to dress well, do good make up and tell yourself that that you are beautiful and confident. Look at your packaging in the mirror and be sure you look good. Truth is people love associating with pretty ladies. If you can do this, you will be surprised at the kind of attention you will attract. Don't forget like attracts like.,in such outings you will get to know that some of his friends are also introverted. Good luck.

  3. Strive to change.there's no perfect person. If you keep up the trend. You will lose him. I don't think he's pushy, he deserves your attention if he's committed to you.


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