Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Can I Have Him Both Ways?

Hi Amara, good afternoon. Please, just a little question I need clarification on from you and from the guys in the forum.

How would you know if a guy really cares about you or he want to hit and run ( I mean just have sex with you).
I met this guy and he always says that he likes me a lot but whenever we are together, he does things that implies he is attracted to my body (eg kissing and smooching).
I feel so uncomfortable with that because I'm a strong advocate against premarital sex and I haven't had sex before. I really like him a lot but I think right now the best thing to do is to flee from him, because,human flesh is not strong as we think in resisting sexual temptation especially when it comes to the person you are attracted to.

Please what do you think. Is there a way I can keep him close and at the same thing make him stop making sexuality advances. I don't know, I feel it's as if I want to eat my cake and have it.
I really like him a lot , but then I can't compromise my faith. Do you think I should just let go of him or is there a way I can have it both ways? (that is keeping him and keeping myself as well).

How about introducing your faith to him and helping him understand your covenant with God so that he will take a decision whether to continue with you and help you stand or leave you and allow you to stand firm for Christ. 
Allowing him to continue on his journey when you know so well that you are vulnerable and you have no idea whether he's for you or your body will be like keeping fuel close to fire and praying that God should not allow the fuel to catch fire. 
The best thing to do is to define the boundaries of the relationship and the limits of affection that you can tolerate. 
Kindly let him know the purpose for such and assure him that you are not doing this to hurt him but because of your personal relationship with God and because you do not want to compromise on your faith. 
These days promises are deceptive and some men are simply out to toy with the heart of the innocent so it's not advisable for you to take such a huge risk when you cannot even tell his intentions for you and the relationship. 
When a man is genuinely in love with you, he won't rush you to bed or make you vulnerable to sex or do anything that will make you not have a good relationship with God. 
He will support you and wait until when you are comfortable with the idea preferably when he has paid your dowry. 
Just like you know already that it's normal for a man to desire to know why your boobs are that pretty and appreciate the loveliness of your lips, it's just an evidence that he's simply attracted to you but because marriage is more than an attraction, but it involves taking responsibilities, it's advisable for you and your partner to sit down and define the bounds in which the relationship can operate to avoid some challenges and responsibilities that may be overwhelming for you. 
Whatever be his decision, kindly remember that you can't have him if he can't walk with your convictions and in such a circumstance you must either decide to stand with Christ or stand with him. 


  1. Hmmm am always impressed with your comments to posts of your fans. May God reachly bless your wealth of knowledge. Dear swthrt, mrs. Amara has said it all. Just operate within the confines of her advice and you shall be happy you did.

  2. Dear poster..
    Your stand against premarital sex should be your main priority...It pays
    You'll only know his genuity when you declare your stand against all forms of sexual advances..
    You must state the rules and stop sitting on the fence...
    No matter how much you claim you like this guy, you must know that nobody is irreplaceable..and you mustn't compromise in order to keep him..You might end up losing both him and your virginity..
    Remember...he could walk away at any time so loosing yourself to him is no guarantee that he'll stay..
    Also...if you've made it a habit of always demanding things from this guy, I'm sorry to let you know that you're fighting a lost battle...you'll definitely consent on the long run...you can't eat your cake and have it...
    So you must choose one if he doesn't share in your principle..
    Be wise

  3. RULE #1313: Never go into a relationship with anyone who does not share at least,YOUR VALUES. They are not even qualified to date you. Relationships are STRICTLY for people who share the SAME VALUES,BELIEFS AND SIMILAR GOALS. Obey this 1 RULE,and you would have solved OVER 50% of your relationship problems,as they would have been nipped in the bud. Just obey........and,enjoy!
    In addition to what Aunty Amara has said,to be able to 'read' any man,go to my blog: http://aminspired247.blogspot.com/ and download the free mp3s:
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    2. Two(2) Kinds of Husbands,by Fela Durotoye
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    4. Who Should I Marry?, by Kingsley Okonkwo
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  4. Awesome @Amara,you killed it. May the Lord continue to depend on you!


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