Sunday, December 27, 2015

I Don't Want to be Fooled Again!

Hello Aunty Amara, I am 31 years. I was in a relationship that lasted for three and a half years but ended last year. He was my course mate in school, before he travelled abroad. I was always faithful to him, I never had another man for any reason. Even when nobody saw my faithfulness, God did. I didn't know that I was been kept because of his sister that was not doing well, I was always visiting and taking care of things. Until he came last year and fooled me.
His step brother called me and asked me if am sure his brother truly loved me, because am a nice person and wouldn't want to see me cry. I didn't understand what he was saying until he showed me a WhatsApp message between them that he doesn't have feelings for me but because of his sister that am still in the relationship. Till tomorrow I didn't mentioned it to anyone that his step brother showed me their chat. I moved on with my life.
Now, my very good friend is asking me out, and I am scared of men. He came to Nigeria yesterday and we both visited his family. The truth is that I am scared because anybody can say I love you or I want to marry you. I don't want to be fooled again! Kindly advice me.

If loving makes you feel scared then it's no longer healthy relationship but an emotional torture and slavery. Loving is a gift we receive from God and as blessing to our spirit soul and body to strengthen us in times of need, to cheer us up when we are down and to inspire us when we are cold. 
Love doesn't make us lose our conscience but gives us the wisdom to ask the right questions and not close our mouth and fall prey to whatever others make of us. 
Love isn't just about feeling alright with a partner, it's being able to make an honest evaluation of our relationship with an individual and telling ourselves the basic truth and realities about the personality, purpose, and passion of the the individual so that we can make an honest decision without any sediments. 
Being scared of making mistakes or failing in love with your partner is a clear evidence that your ex is still part of your life and that you have given him so much power to control your personality and future as an individual. 
You need to understand that loving an individual is also God's divine way of preparing you for your marriage and sometimes you may have to experience the not so good part of your relationship so that you can give your heart to the one who gives love without any limitations. 
Though you never expected what happened, it doesn't in any way mean that all men are the same with your ex and it doesn't mean that you will experience the same issues you had with your ex. 
One of the ways to avoid being fooled in a relationship is by taking the responsibility of the relationship and owning the relationship as yours. 
Men have the freedom to express their love and interest in you but you have the responsibility to ask the right questions about the future of the relationship. 
You don't just keep answering calls, chatting about nothing, sending messages and listening to his love songs, you also need to ask what his plans are for himself and where he places you in his life, you need to understand who he is and how committed he is in the relationship. 
If he's not forthcoming or convinced about the relationship, you need to stand up, dust yourself and take a bold walk. You cannot just sit down and allow a no ambition man to run your life while you sing, pray and fast that he proposes marriage to you. 
Gifts and cares are good but a man who is confused can offer you those and still dump you when he's done with you so get your sixth senses of perception working and don't be the laid back kind of lady so that you don't need to allow anyone make you feel inferior all because they claim to love you. 
With prayers and a personal relationship with God, you will know when an individual is genuinely interested in you and when he's out to run a party on your head so don't keep your relationship far away from God or keep God far away from your heart. 

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