Monday, December 21, 2015

I Want to Marry my First Love!

Aunty Amara am worried and confused right now,I met my first love 2005 when I was so tender,we started dating, no sex due to my age my sister and friends scared him away,we missed contact.
I didn't know his whereabout,later in 2008 we met again we were so happy to see each and our love grew more each time we saw, he will be telling me I did him bad thing but I didn't understand him. He takes me around no hidden place ,people saw us as best lovers,we were in love like crazy.
The problems started when one of my girlfriend asked me to follow her to her boyfriend's house, I followed her on our way I saw my love I called my girlfriend to come and see my friend, they greeted we left ,to my greatest surprise my girlfriend told me he was married that he was married to her girlfriend.
I laughed and asked her if she looked at him well, he was not married, was so confused could this be true?
I said to myself no it can't be, there was no sign on him,we entered new year I came back from village we met, I asked him if he was married he started crying, I told him why were you crying answer me, he said yes I was dumb I cried with him cos he's my life.
He told how he met his wife after my sister and friend scared him away he went to phone booth to make call after making called one girl called his name after talking with her they exchanged numbers they started seeing each other one day the girl came to his house that she was pregnant, he had no option than go and pay her bride price.
She gave birth to a baby girl,due to the love I had for him we still continued dating ,he started begging me for marriage I told him I can't marry him till he travels outside so he travelled to South Africa.
I followed him to airport in 2009 we still communicated till I found myself in another relationship. I loved him so much but he betrayed me having affair with my girlfriend ,I called my girlfriend and told her what I was passing through she told me to come too Ondo state. Her boyfriend was a soldier I went to army barrack where I met this man soldier too ,I started dating him I thought we loved ourselves ,he said he wanted to marry me, I agreed to marry him,we did our white and traditional wedding one year now.
I got pregnant which I almost lost my life because of his wicked heart but God delivered me I put to bed to a baby boy. We are not living together due to his work, the first day I and my baby went to see him the word that came out from his mouth was that I don't dress well, I don't look good, I overlooked his word thinking it was a joke. We went back he still called me on phone, I don't wear expensive clothes while every months he just gave me and baby N20,000 for feeding and maintenance .
I did managed it,we went for Christmas to his village and went back February to Ondo state, his old woman called me to come back again that she want to see his grandson, I told her that we will come but not now the road was far,July I was told that she was dead. I came back to the village for the burial, they ganged up and beat me up that I didn't cry for the woman's death as they were beating me, they wounded my eyes, these people almost killed me.
My husband came back he didn't care to ask me what happened or my eyes, I was so disappointed,later my mother in-law called me and my husband telling me in my husband's face that I don't look good, my skin was not good, what was I doing with the money he was giving me?
I left both of them and entered my room,after the burial we all went back, my husband refused to give me our feeding money. I called my elder sister to tell her what was happening ,my sister called him and he told my sister that he won't send money again to me that he doesn't know what I was doing with money, was not kitting well and his son too.
I got angry I sent him message (I heard what you told my sister, I don't kit well ,you know what when I was single my one day runs I go pays me two times that change he was giving me and my baby and I was going back to it ,I don't want the marriage again. Why I even sent the message I was tired of him and his family he lied to me he was born out of wedlock anytime I came to his village one problems to another if they don't call me for meeting, I do this, I do that was so fed up my marriage had I known I would have married my first love.)
Since then war started called my parents that I was a prostitute he will never marry me, he can't marry a prostitute as a wife that he's coming for his son,calling me names on text message.
Right now I have no feelings for him,I want to divorce him,six months now he has never sent money to us, called me and said if I see husband I should marry because he has found a girl he wants to my marry January 14th 2016.
Am not scared if he marry cos nobody like me in their family none of his family member has called me ,I don't want to die on time. Since I got marry to my husband I have never been happy only tears, he loves women like water. I regretted knowing him, am with my parent right now,I still communicate with my first love, he will soon be in Nigeria he still begs me to marry him.
I have made up my mind to marry my first love,I love him so much I dont even care what the world will say about me anymore,please I need your advice cos am so confused ,am still a student. Thanks.

I understood that this wasn't what you bargained for in your marriage but from your mail, you didn't sound like a lady who knew what she wanted nor got hold of her decisions and her choices for her future. 
Everything seemed like a fairy tale about a beautiful lady who fell in love with a stranger and woke up with pains and disappointment. 
The question really is do you dress well as his wife and companion or has your desire to be a great mother to your son made you to neglect your duties to your husband? 
Men fall in love with their eyes before they can appreciate what is in your heart and if you don't look good to a man, whatever you may do to make him happy will be in all futility. 
So one of the important role you must learn as a loving wife and mother is the art of looking good and exquisite. It doesn't necessarily mean that you must make up or possess the features of the most beautiful lady but the art of being fresh and neat, organising your environment and wearing a good smile on your face. These go a long way to endear you to your husband without even saying so much. 
Secondly I feel that your choice of words or example when you were demanding for more money was rather unnecessary for your role as his wife. Reducing your value to that of a prostitute no matter the point you wanted to make was not the best way for you to let him know that he wasn't giving you enough nor was it adequate to challenge him to give more. 
But then again since you both wish to give your marriage some time to figure out whether to continue or go your separate ways, it wouldn't be nice for you to consider returning to your first love simply because he's living outside the country and you feel that you can take advantage of that to hurt his wife and cheat on yourself. 
Your first love is no longer with you and can never be part of your future because he's simply married irrespective of where he reside or what he experiences in his marriage. 
I would suggest that you discuss with your husband on the welfare of your son and the things that he needs to prosper and be a great man in future. 
Also, please do not engage in any art of runs or prostitution because there is no peace of mind when you sleep with men for money and no matter how much you make, you will never be fulfilled in your life. 
This is the best time to seek the face of God and forget about so many struggles and stress of your past. 
Now is the time to rediscover your purpose and passion in life so that in the wake of the new year, you will set your feet on the right track and live a purposeful and a rewarding lifestyle. 
Cheer up and be strong so that you can give your heart to raising your son to be the best that God has ordained him to be. 


  1. Nice advice Amara. Very inspiring. I hope she learns something

  2. Dear poster...
    The way you presented this issue here clearly defines your personality...
    You shouldn't have come here to rant in the first place since you said you've made up your mind and don't care what people will say..
    Why should we talk since you don't care about listening anymore?
    You're a real case and you have to deal with yourself first...
    You lack tongue control over the things you say and it's so sad that your own words are now afflicting you..
    The fire you began is burning you alive...
    You're told your man you got higher earnings as a runs girl and your decision to go back to date your first love who is now a married man shows that you could be worse than just a prostitute...
    You can't just sit at home and look up to the money he gives you montly...
    You must make effort to make ends meet..
    Some people earn that amount as their monthly wage yet they're still grinding strong...
    I'm not saying the money is enough or too much but there's more to do than look up to that 20k..
    Put your brain to effective use dear poster...
    Being broken is no licence to break others...
    Pray for your pains to go away...
    You don't recieve healing by wounding others...
    Walking back into your first loves life is like sitting on a time bomb...
    The explosion will rock you to pieces...
    The consequences will be so unbearable for you...
    Respect yourself and seek to fix your tongue, your life and your marriage...
    May God cleanse your mind...

    1. Very well said. He that has ears, let him/her hear.

    2. Very well said. He that has ears, let him/her hear.

  3. Kai!!, Joseph you couldn't have said it any better. you're so full of wisdom. Always looking forward to read your comment. May God bless the womb that born you.

  4. Well said joseph, u r full of wisdom, jst as i tot whn i read her post.
    Dear poster,u go sit urslf dwn and learn how to tlk, cos ur problm is frm ur tongue not ur hubby or any1, how can u tell a man be it ur hubby,boyfriend or fiance dat u wia a runs girl? Wat impression r u givin him? Jezzzz!ur personality has said evrytin abt u, plsss work on urslf,marring ur 1st love is hell NOOOOO! Cos hez married n if inventualy,wit dis ur personality he mst find fault n i tell u, u not gonna lik wat u hav to do for urslf now is, work on urslf,embrace GOD, go bck to ur hubby n ask for forgivness. May GOD see u forward..

  5. Dis lady/poster sounds very arrogant, disobedient, disrespectful, disloyal and all these characters will always make people around u to hate you. Just listen Amara, give ur Life to christ and always a clean & pure life.


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