Saturday, December 5, 2015

What Do I Hold Unto?

Good day ma. I'm an avid reader of your posts. God bless you for what you are doing. I need an advice. I refused to date after what happened between me and my ex. I sacrificed a lot for my ex. He was so much in a hurry to marry me then.
My parents told him to give me more time but he couldn't. Before I knew it, he had started dating another girl without ending our own relationship.
I never knew until when I saw a marriage list he has collected from the girl's family. That's when I ended the relationship. I loved him with my whole heart. I didn't know that when you say you love someone that someday you will turn to say you don't love the person anymore.
I'm in a relationship with a guy I met in 2011. We started dating after he has asked me out severally. He got tired of expecting me to give him a reply and assumed I'm his girlfriend and it all started in 2012.
From what I'm seeing now, he loves me and I love him too. This is four years into the relationship and he hasn't said anything about our future. We are age mates (28). Most times when I bring up the issue of not knowing what his plans are for me, he'll say that I'm pushing him to do what he's not ready to do.
I think he is afraid of commitment. I don't have any problem waiting and helping him work things out. I gave him an instance of my course mate whom the boyfriend got engaged before leaving for the states after their OND and they are still together. It shows that the guy knows what he wants and has included her in his future plans.
He made /makes me stay away /reject suitors but still he can't assure me of a future with him. He believes that when he's ready for marriage, he'll propose and marry at once. What will I hold on to in waiting for him? I don't want to wait in vain. It's not as if he is not self willed, the thing here is that he is the last born in the family and most times tends to listen to what they say.
He introduced me to one of his elder sisters as a 'friend' and not a 'girl friend'. Please I need you and the fans in the house to advice me on what to do. He is also on this page. I hope he sees this. Thanks.

Let's assume that you were on a journey, in four hours time you should at least have an idea of where you were heading to and an understanding of how long you needed to wait to be where you wished to be. 
In a situation where you are clueless about where you are heading, then you may either need to ask someone else for direction or better still turn back from where you began. 
If after four years of dating a man and he has no idea what he really wants in the relationship or from the lady,if he can't at least define the relationship with all clarity and purposeful intentions, please you may simply need to do away with the relationship between it is simply hazardous to your happiness and fulfilment in life and destiny. 
And it's an act of selfishness and insincerity for him to simply keep you guessing while he's making up his mind on what next to do. 
This has nothing to do with being the last born but he's not emotionally mature to commit himself to the relationship or at least respect your emotions. 
Every relationship must not end up with marriage but it hurts when one partner decides to capitalise on the vulnerabilities of the other to waste the time of the other with excuses that are unfounded and of no significance. 
Please don't wish that he sees this but encourage him to read my response because I feel it's unfair of him to keep you guessing for four years. 
You don't need to compare him with anyone else or give excuses for his indecision, he knows what he ought to do and he's being economical with the truth about his intentions for the relationship. 
I hope that he will be fair enough to open up, take responsibility for the relationship and define the relationship so that you can prepare your mind for the rest of your life. 

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