Sunday, December 20, 2015

What Should I Tell Him?

Aunty Amara good morning . Please ma I would like you to help me out on this dilemma.
There was this guy that I was their family friend while growing up, I was so close to the family that whatever they were doing the mother always liked to take me along, and people most time thought she was my mother. There were two guys among the girls in the family and was closer to the elderly one and respected him a lot because he was my mentor, he thought me lots of things and always told me to keep myself for my husband so he can respect me and also appreciate him for training me.
This same guy came back sometime last year and told me that the family wanted me to settle down with his younger brother, I didn't say anything because we were just having a discussion when he chipped that in.
Then few months later his younger brother called me on phone and we talked about ourselves, he said he would love to have a relationship with me and also asked if was into any relationship, I replied him that I was into a relationship but not certain about the future, he said okay and we kept talking on phone.
Then going back to my boyfriend I told him exactly what I discussed with this guy, he said he was okay with my reply to him. Later I started having more suitor but among them all he said he still preferred the first guy. Then he called me one night I was at his place that he might not settle down with me because he never knew his fate after school (we were in our final year then). It really hurt me then because I loved him but couldn't help but only cry.
Later I asked him what if he was ready to get married let's say in the next five years and I was single then will he agree to marry me? He said he wouldn't answer that ,and that he doesn't know why am so desperate about him settling down with me. That always got me angry because I knew I was not desperate but I was asking to really know my stand in his future life.
After sometime we had a serious issue which lead to our break up. We later reconciled after some months, though we have never been at peace after the reconciliation, we must quarrel two to three times every week yet he wouldn't want me to go, he never wanted that guy around me again he deleted his (the one that wanted to marry me) pictures on my phone. He wouldn't allow me talk to any guy at all, if I greet any guy he gets angry and quarrels with me about it. He suddenly got so obsessed with me.
Am sincerely fed up with this relationship because it's no longer working but don't know how to go about it due to his health conditions (BP). Am holding on against my wish because I don't want to hurt him.
Now the major issue is that the guy that wanted to marry me is coming back tomorrow and am so scared of meeting him because I don't know what to tell him. I have a lot to explain to make things clearer but is so long.
Am Trusting on your judgment ma. Thank you.


I hope that you will accept the truth even if it doesn't favour your perception and thoughts. 
I feel that you are no longer comfortable with your relationship with your boyfriend because of the one that has promised marriage and not because of the obsession of your boyfriend to you. 
I mean you prayed to know your stand in his life and though he wasn't forthcoming then, his attitude has revealed that he truly loves you and would not let go of you. 
If you were truly in love with your partner, then you would have made out time to discuss with him and find out what his plans for the future was. 
You would not see his renewed strength and passion to win your heart now that he realised about other suitors who are willing to marry you once you say yes to them as obsession but you will rejoice because you know, someone is not willing to let go of you. 
Yes I understand that you don't want to lose your husband while hanging out with a man who you can't tell his plans for you but for the fact that the man coming was the brother of your mentor doesn't in any way mean that he's the one God has prepared for your destiny, it doesn't also mean that you must get married to him, it doesn't also mean that his personality and vision in life will be comfortable and acceptable to you. 
So please do not make the mistake of rushing out of what you have unless you are convinced that you have no future with them and please do not rush into another relationship because of the lofty promises because you have no idea what the future may have in store for you. 
My candid opinion would be that you sit down with your partner and discuss about the future of the relationship with him so that you can know your stand with him so that when you receive the man with the promise, you can let him know what your boyfriend has in store for you. 
I must plead with you to desist from every form of double dating in your relationship and seek the face of God before making any decision on who to marry. 
Always remember that marriage is not the ultimate achievement of a lady but peace of mind, happiness, beautiful home and a fulfilled heart and only a lady who gives her heart to God that will be favoured by God. 

7 comments:

  1. Amara have said it all. Look before you leap.

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  2. My dear,don't get stocked in an uncertain relationship. He have said his mind and he sounds so sure that he can't marry you. So please meet the other man and take your time to know his personality and the likes while you hands everything to God in prayer. Goodluck

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  3. Men can be unpredictable,your best fruend now is the HolySpirit,learn how to relate with Him closely and He will actually expose the interior heart of man or make things clearer,you will have peace when you choose with Him.He is the best counsellor,you can hear Him perfectly,especially early hours in the morning,answers will be given to you,direction will come..Read Is 30:21,ps 32:8,Lk12:12.Goodluck,Shallom#

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  4. Men can be unpredictable,your best fruend now is the HolySpirit,learn how to relate with Him closely and He will actually expose the interior heart of man or make things clearer,you will have peace when you choose with Him.He is the best counsellor,you can hear Him perfectly,especially early hours in the morning,answers will be given to you,direction will come..Read Is 30:21,ps 32:8,Lk12:12.Goodluck,Shallom#

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  5. Having this same issue. The truth is that we always want to taste what we don't ve and unto then, we keep swearing we r not happy. Go on,give d guy/ husband a chance until u do that u will never choose.

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