Saturday, January 9, 2016

How Can I Avoid Conflict in my Home?

Good afternoon Auntie Amara... I need your help on how to handle disagreements especially if your partner isn't talking to you... I am a lady aged 25 years got married three months ago. My husband is really a sweet man although he's short tempered and is really affecting our relationship each time we have a misunderstanding he stops talking to me.
Its been three days he isn't talking to me yet we live under the same roof.. I sincerely apologise each time we argue whether am wrong or not but am afraid he is not forgiving most of the time.
I tried talking to him but all he was giving me was a silent treatment, it's really tearing me apart inside. We have been talking about this over and over but each time he is upset he does the same thing-stops talking to me..Not until I really push him to say something. I think if I decide to just go with the flow a month can clock without him saying anything to me.
I so desperately want us to live in harmony and handle issues maturely. I'm thinking of paying my elder sister (not married) a visit tomorrow at least for a few days hoping that my hubby would calm down by then so that we can sit down and have a conversation...
Sometimes he makes me feel like I made a wrong decision marrying him.. We have known each for about seven years now (he is 30 years) I was in high school when we met...
Above all, help me on how I can avoid conflict in our home am sure one way or another I contribute to his anger your quick response will highly be appreciated, thank you in advance.

Conflict can never be avoided in marriage unless you want to be fake and endure everything and then, can you really cope with such?
And you cannot continue pushing him without getting choked up by his attitude.
No matter the misunderstandings, the gravity of his annoyance and the measure of his disappointment, being silent to his very own wife is insensitive and selfish to say the least.
If he's a Christian and he genuinely want the marriage to grow and prosper then he may need to study the book of Ephesians 4 vs 26 which states Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.
Whenever couples take their anger and disagreement or misunderstanding to bed, be rest assured that the devil is lying in between the couples and who would love to build his home with the devil?
It is actually a sin for him to keep mute to the very wife God has favoured him with and expect that God will hear his prayers when he's keeping grudges to his own flesh.
For a fresher you and your husband should study Ephesians Chapter 5 vs 17 - 33 so that he will understand God's purpose for marriage and how he ought to relate with you likewise you.
Knowing him for decades before getting married to him doesn't in anyway mean that there won't be misunderstandings and disagreements because they are the ingredients that shapes your home and reveal your nakedness to each other.
It's too early to start travelling to see your family, kindly sit back and seek the face of God concerning your marriage and the attitude of your husband.
He may think that he's teaching you a lesson by keeping silent but on the contrary he's giving the devil the authority to destroy your home and make a mess of your marriage.
You should be kind with your choice of words and learn to respect your husband irrespective of his attitude or opinions. If you must argue which I don't think is necessary, avoid attacking his personality or saying something that may affect his emotions.
Know when he has gotten beyond the limit of understanding your opinion and kindly let things be. Instead of winning the argument, lose the argument and win his heart. His heart will always be with you while the argument maybe nothing seriously important.
If possible, I would love to hear from your husband so that I can have a word or two with him.
Be patient in your heart and do not forget to always meditate on God's word even as you pray got him. I guess that with time, he will understand his purpose in his marriage.


  1. Dear poster..
    I'll prefer we face reality devoid of sentiments..
    We are all different people..
    We all have different temperaments...
    We all have our unique ways of reacting to things..
    What works for you might not work for another..
    He is not a robot.. own way of controlling anger when it comes is by not talking to the person I'm not happy with for a while till i certify myself calm..
    Some psychology teachers would tell you to avoid being around a person you're angry with for a while as a control measure for anger..
    Though it calls for concern, you must acknowledge the fact that he's only trying to suppress his anger by keeping quiet..
    He is not abnormal..
    He is not insensitive and selfish like Madam Amara said..
    I'm sure you wouldn't prefer a man that beats you up as a way of quenching his anger..
    You wouldn't also prefer him to open his mouth and say terrible things to you when angry...I'm very sure...some spoken words can cut deeper than a knife..
    We all get angry...Even God does..
    Keeping silent is a safe way of reacting to anger...
    He will still talk to you..
    Do well to apologize and give him space and time even as you continue your role as a good wife..

  2. @joseph....u comment as temperament accepted...but i must say that in agreement wth Amara..a matured man need not take the silence thing beyond normal! becomes abnormal once it passes a day...abeg..what could the offence be between husband&wife that cant be sorted for peace sake within 24hrs! As long has it has nothing to do with grave offences like adultery&the rest...even those ones self can be forgiven jare...lets be real! Women will always be woman...its the mans responsibility&duty as admonished in the scriptures to deal with her with understanding&take their role as the head! How can the head shut down for a whole week&expect the body(wife,home) to function??? Silent treatment is not the way to go abeg!

  3. Even when I don't talk back at my husband when he is angry,he still sees it as mockery and me being disrespectful to him. In d heat of an argument,I immediately start doing chores. Dear poster,find what works in ur marriage and be very observant.

  4. Even when I don't talk back at my husband when he is angry,he still sees it as mockery and me being disrespectful to him. In d heat of an argument,I immediately start doing chores. Dear poster,find what works in ur marriage and be very observant.


Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)