Monday, January 18, 2016

I'm Being Tagged as a Bad Woman!

God bless you ma for using this platform to heal broken relationships, I am married for a year plus,the issue bothering me is my husband's relationship with his mother. He dislikes his mother that he blatantly refused to communicate anymore with her.
According to him, his mother had him at young age before she got married, she abandoned him in the village without caring about him, he suffered a lot to see himself through school, he told me how his mother and husband threw him out when he went to visit them. She never admitted him as her son,he grew up calling her sister, by the grace of God he was opportuned to leave the country through someone's help, he always send money to them.
He said and I quote " I don't resent my mother I have forgiven her but the fact that she refused to change makes me angry I have tried my best for her and her family, I pay her children's school fees,bought her a car, sent a lot of money for several times to start up a good business yet she couldn't give account of what she used the money for instead she kept on demanding more as if I have no other responsibility was enough. Everybody should face his family I have done my best"
The worst part was that she thought that I was the one behind his son's refusal to help her, she goes about telling people how we abandoned her. It hurt me so much that am the one being tagged as bad woman. I have pleaded with my husband but anytime I mention her mother he gets so furious and mad at me.
He told me how her mother brought a pastor to tell him that I will die in my pregnancy in order to bring out money so as to pray for us perhaps that was why he banned me from eating anything from her and took me out of the country to have my baby. I never knew about it until I put to bed, he refused to tell me in order not to put fear in me .
Please ma how do I handle this issue? It borders me a lot, the last time I called her she told me that she was sick that we are waiting for her to die and she cut the call and refused to pick it again . Ma all I want is to have a good relationship with my husband's family.

Having a good relationship with your in laws begins with having a better relationship with your husband. You can't be making life miserable for your husband and hope that you will have the peace of mind with his mother and family. 
Sometimes you need to develop a tough skin to the criticisms of others and choose to do what is right instead of crying and exposing your husband to so much pains and anger. 
You must give your husband the full support and encouragement that he needs and not to constantly remind him of what he's already working on even before you came to be with him. You and your husband is an entity and your first priority before anyone else. 
I understand that you want to be celebrated and appreciated as a good sister in law but the commendations of your mother in law is secondary to your purpose in the life of your husband. 
He has protected you, provided for you and has defended you even in your ignorance, please do not reward him with your constant worries and nagging attitude. 
What you need to do is first appreciate him for being a man who is not only emotionally mature but is spiritually discerned to protect you and support you in all your endeavours. Appreciate him for loving you unconditionally and standing in the gap for you and being there for you. Thank him for the maturity he has displayed in taking good care of his mother and always pray that God will perfect the healing of his heart. 
He still feel hurt and bitter because of his mother's dubious attitude and nobody will be glad to have such a mother who is ungrateful and constantly complaining about one thing or the other. 
Allow him to handle this in his own way and whatever you feel that you want to do or give to his mother, kindly let your husband know about it and allow him to manage his own mother in the best way suitable for him. 
Pray for him and encourage his efforts and commitment to his family. Reach out to her and pray for her but develop tough skin to whatever criticisms she may have. Do not reply nor defend anyone. It's not your business but the responsibility of your husband. 
Let your presence in the life of your husband bring healing and emotional restoration of all he didn't experience in his childhood and not the painful reminder of the rejection and abuse he suffered in the hands of those he loves. 
You need wisdom and emotional maturity to meet the needs of your husband and respect his mother without hurting your husband. 

1 comment:

  1. Your husband married you because he needed a mother apart from his biological mother. You are trying to be a good woman but you just need God to put things right by praying for your husband and the mother. Just ask God for the wisdom to handle things because I tell you, "The pain of betrayal from a Parent esp a Mother is always difficult to forget. The Lord I pray is your Strength and Help. Try and treat your husband as a mother treats her child because he needs that and that is why you are the Mother, Wife, Sister and Girl Friend. God help us


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