Tuesday, January 5, 2016

I'm Comfortable But Not Happy!

Happy new year ma.. Please I need advice from you and your fans concerning my case..
Am a lady of 30 years and a Health personnel..I married my husband when I was 24 years ,when I was still a student..I met him through his sister's husband. The sister's husband came to my school,I did not know how he knew my name.. He sent someone to call me from my hostel,of which I went to see him,he started telling me why he was in my school but refused to tell me who gave him information about me.
Okay weeks later the guy in question started calling me from America,he called me more than seven times in a day,we chatted online,exchanged pictures.. He doesn't give me space because all the time we are on phone.. Towards 2010 he said he is coming to Nigeria.. I went into serious prayers that GOD please let me see this man and like him,I also visited my Pastor, he prayed and told me it shall be well with me,that he is a nice man..
He came to Nigeria and invited me to his house,when I honoured his invitation, at first sight I loved him.. He was the type of man any woman will love to be with trust me,and he loved me so much.. Things were just moving fine and we did traditional marriage 2010.. Then he did not have papers as he just relocated from Europe to America and I was still in school.. He took over my education,trained me in nursing and my midwifery programme at Ebonyi state.
My problem with him started 2012, to describe me.. Am a quiet type,I hardly talk and a shy type(introvert),I don't flirt around,am not wayward and I believe is the type of environment I found myself, because where I schooled the kind of training you will receive,you won't even have time for yourself or social life.. All we knew was our patient,book and all that.. We hardly plait nice hair or fix long weavon or nails.
So that 2010 we stayed together two weeks and he went back. It was not easy at all but he always called me on phone.. In 2012 problem started immediately he finished training me in midwifery and I started working.. When we had problem he will never call me for weeks and he is the last born.. The family in America interfered in my marriage so much that they don't even ask what the problem was or even try to make peace instead they made matters worse.
I nearly committed suicide during that period, it was just grace of GOD upon me.. The one that was making my life so miserable was the elder sister there who was also a nurse.. She told him what to do and he listened to her and his mother. Where I blame myself most is when we quarrelled on phone and he kept mute and ignored me,no other means to communicate with him than to send him ugly messages which I won't mention here but believe me it was out of anger,frustration..
We parted for one year no reconciliation, it was like hell for me.. He asked me to move on that if I see husband I should marry.. I relocated to where I got work and tried to see if I can start my life again.
Am a pretty girl with a nice profession,many suitors came to me but when I told them about been married before, story changed and was not easy to let go of my husband,I hate the word divorce and prayed against it and is happening to me, there is nothing I can do.
When things were getting worse ,I decided to move on and I met one guy that worked in oil company,and I liked him not the way I love my husband.. This guy loved me so much but I was so afraid to tell him my past as he might leave as others did..
I dated this guy for five months, he came back from offshore and said to me,we will go and see my parents next weekend for our wedding preparation.. I was happy but unhappy.. I went to him and told him my past because he must find out.. Things changed,he said am somebody's wife.. This guy broke my heart and l decided to stay off relationship... I worked, saved money and went further to do my postgraduate programme ,in nursing we call it specialty.. I was working and training myself because with it you can get Federal work easily.
I go to work at night and go to school day time.. I don't even have time for myself talking of men and relationship. I was about rounding up my programme, my husband showed up from nowhere and was trying to get my attention back. He apologized and told me he once came back did introduction to one lady but he did not marry her but never knew the girl was married before..
He was just crying on phone begging me that why did I want to ruin his life. He even filed papers for this girl to come over as his fiancee but later he cancelled it.. It was when the lady went for interview they denied her visa. He was the one telling me all these. I did not know what was happening behind my back.. He came back last year and came to my house with few of his kinsmen and apologised to my people and they accepted him...
This is a man that made me who I am today by sponsoring me throughout my education... I don't have mind, I still love him and I accepted him... We did court wedding . He asked me to stop work and face my studies which he sponsored, now am done and now working...
He went back to America after the wedding,unfortunately I did not get pregnant.. I love kids so much and desire to have mine... When I conduct delivery where I work,and see these new born ,how cute,tender they are,I wish they were mine..
Not long ago after he left to America that same evil bird started singing in my marriage again. I married this man to build my future with him not because he was in America.. He is kindhearted and I strongly believe he loves me but am confused with what is happening...
Even before I married him I used to have a boyfriend who was not reliable, who took me for granted but once he heard am about to get married to this my husband he started claiming to be serious. I strongly believe that his sister and mother there are behind this,because whenever they heard we had problem and they hear it... My prayer will be GOD please help me with this marriage.
Right now am working,am comfortable but am not happy without my husband... Please I need a candid advice...
Thanks and GOD Bless. Happy new year once again.


You see, there is no way couples will live as though they are dating and getting to know each other and they won't have serious issues in their marriage. 
God wouldn't have been lying when he instructed men to leave their father and mother and cleave to their wives in a holy and undefiled matrimony. We are the ones who have made our desire to make wealth at the expense of our marriage that should be blamed for some of the miserable experiences most couples experience in their marriage. 
Sometimes I wonder how these husbands and wives enjoy sex when the urge to be intimate comes to them because it's sincerely uncomfortable and sad but this seems to be the latest trend in our society. 
After the first break up with your husband, I expected that you and your husband come to an agreement on how to make your marriage work. There ought to be some definite decisions that you ought to have made with your husband so that you can get hold of your husband and the marriage. 
If you wanted to be with him, and have children of your own, you should have sacrificed your job and comfort to be with him or he should have sacrificed his comfort to be with you. There ought to be some structural changes, mother and daughter ought to give way so that you and your husband can bond together and grow in love with each other. 
It's painful because though you may have marriage certificate, you are in all sincerity single. I have no issues with getting married to anyone in diaspora but I have issues with individuals who think that they could manage some unbearable circumstances and challenges that comes with it at the expense of their own peace of mind and love in their home. 
As it is now, you have to retrace your steps in this marriage, he should prepare your papers and make provision so that you can join him. Having a good job and a good man is nice but I feel that it's time you make out time to be with your husband and even get to know him from his head to his toes. 
If he can't make some structural adjustments for your marriage to thrive then you just need to be honest with yourself and reconsider the marriage because this is not how God ordained marriage at all. 
How do you hope to have children when you have sex with your husband only when he's back and you ovulate every month? 
How do you hope not to have issues with your husband when his mother and his sister are the one running you and your husband? 
Tell me why you won't be disappointed and frustrated when you agreed and accepted to marry a man without making adequate plan to be with him or even sacrifice your comfort for your home and marriage? 
You have been married for six years approximately but I doubt if you can boast that you have spent six months of your marriage with him. Now that's what I call a pathetic union and with no purpose and vision.
We can only pray that the bird doesn't break the golden eggs of your marriage and that God will give your husband the wisdom and understanding to do what is right in your marriage so that you can enjoy your marriage. 

9 comments:

  1. Like Mama said, you need to grow in love with your husband, from your story you don't even know him that well before getting married to him neither dose he and after the marriage you guys didn't still spend time together to know each other,I will advice you to call him tell him to move to Nigeria or prepare a vice for you and also bear in mind that the people you will meet in USA are the same people scattering your marriage! Something are not just maint to be, you can still take a bold step and do that which you are scared of fire for a divorce,if he really want to be with you he will do what you want but if he doesn't build a new life and real love will find you and try and socialize more, go to movies, birthdays, learn to have fun on your own cos you can't be happy with anybody if you can't make yourself happy! God bless you, I will pray for you!

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    Replies
    1. Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:(http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http) I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393. web:(http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http)

      Delete
  2. You have sent this story before i think on the 1st or so you don't need to dress it up. Same thing said to you earlier is what you should still expect to hear from people. You don't marry because you feel indebted to someone. This is what you get. I don't know what you are expecting to hear from here o when within you you know the truth. God be with you.

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  3. You have sent this story before i think on the 1st or so you don't need to dress it up. Same thing said to you earlier is what you should still expect to hear from people. You don't marry because you feel indebted to someone. This is what you get. I don't know what you are expecting to hear from here o when within you you know the truth. God be with you.

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  4. My sister marriage the say is not a bed of roseses, my advice is bring ur mother Inlaw and sister close make then ur best of friend. Am married too, I must say is not easy but God is my straight and my helper talk to God give everything but ur time to God there is noting he can not do.why is say u should keep ur husband people close is because is because if u keep ur mother inlaw close she will b d one to fight for u when d Mather like this arise his ur husband u have authority over him give God ur time and u will see him fight ur battel, am too close to my husband people that when ever my husband misbehave u see my mother Inlaw sister Inlaw and even brothers Inlaw fight for me some time the get so jealous because of how close I and my mother Inlaw is so pls try what have told u and u will see God in action start calling ur mother inaw b nice even if she is okay pet her and u will how loving she will b even ur husband will b happy cos the are more happier when the see thee wife so close to there mother have teyed it and am a happy women to day... God is ur straight: do mid nighty prayer 12:30 commite ur mother Inlaw sister Inlaw to Gods hand and see him do d miracle...

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  5. Mmmh,pls get the man file paperfor you or invite you as visitor and file when you get there,my there am in US,unthinkable happens here,especially in my city,the man may even be in another relationship he cant let go and married you as a Nigerian,reserved woman or because you are from the same side,know fully well now that the marriage certificate you are holding so no hold water in America,no law eecognises that one unless he marries legally in court in America.So know as you are there nothing,nothing for you,no man not even your coat of many colours.You are a nurse,good enough and makes more money in America,men hardly resist nurses,i wonder why he has bot rush to come and carry you,your proffession is on hot demand here in US,try even go on your own,try visit come here first and see,if he dont want plan and take board,you are hot for some good reliable men,inshort i smell rat.Girlie wise up.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mmmh,pls get the man file paperfor you or invite you as visitor and file when you get there,my there am in US,unthinkable happens here,especially in my city,the man may even be in another relationship he cant let go and married you as a Nigerian,reserved woman or because you are from the same side,know fully well now that the marriage certificate you are holding so no hold water in America,no law eecognises that one unless he marries legally in court in America.So know as you are there nothing,nothing for you,no man not even your coat of many colours.You are a nurse,good enough and makes more money in America,men hardly resist nurses,i wonder why he has bot rush to come and carry you,your proffession is on hot demand here in US,try even go on your own,try visit come here first and see,if he dont want plan and take board,you are hot for some good reliable men,inshort i smell rat.Girlie wise up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Am Rena Chandelier from USA,How i got my husband back with the help of Dr Odisha Me and my husband have been having a lot of problem living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more he makes me feel sad, so my marriage is now leading to divorce because he no longer gives me attention. so with all this pain and agony, i decided to contact Dr. Odisha to see if things can work out between me and my husband again. the spell caster told me what i will do to get my husband back, so he told me that he was going to make all things normal back. he did the spell on my husband and after 3 days my husband changed completely he even apologize with the way he treated me that he was not him self, i really thank this priest his name is Dr. Odisha he have bring back my husband back to me i want you all to contact him who are having any problem related to marriage issue and relationship problem he will solve it for you. his email{odishaspelltemple@yahoo.com}

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello every body my name is Synder Anderson I just want to share my experience with the world on how Lord Alika help me, I got my love back and saved my marriage… I was married for 3 years with 1 kid and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and argued almost e very time… it got worse at a point that he filed for divorce I tried my best to make him change his mind & stay with me because I love him so much and don’t want to lose him but everything just didn’t work out… he moved out of the house because it was a rented apartment and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked. The breakthrough came when someone introduced me to this wonderful, great spell caster who eventually helped me out… I have never been a fan of things like this but just decided to try reluctantly because I was desperate and left with no choice… He did special prayers and used his power… Within 4 days my husband called me and he said he was sorry for all the emotional pains he had cost me, moved back to the house and we continue to live happily and our kid is happy too and we are expecting our second child… and my Husband also got a new job and our lives became much better web:(http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http) I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news..contact him on lordalikaspelltemple@yahoo.co.uk or +13217666393. web:(http://lordalikaspelltemp8.wix.com/http)

    ReplyDelete

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