Thursday, January 28, 2016

I'm Cool with the Arrangement!

Good morning amiable woman of substance, I have always been and still an ardent fan of this page and it is my turn to share mine *(I hear you) ..
A certain man I respect so much recommended his in law who lives abroad to me for marriage.. The guy's sisters who also loves me also supported it.. For over six months we have been communicating and learning each other and he asssured me that once he comes back,he will tell me everything about him.
Finally,he came home last two weeks,we met and the attraction was still there.. I noticed he found it difficult to tell me things as he promised,but finally he opened up sadly, told me he was married to a a white lady with two boys,and he did it because of survival and to get his papers,but it now dawned on him that if he is to come back finally which he will do definitely, that he will lose his kids and they might only want to visit once in a while.
He told me sincerely that he won't travel with me,I'll have to stay back and build a family and good business here with him,so he can come back and have something to fall on,I asked him like how long,he said he can't say for sure but not forever.
I met the mum and brothers,they were well known as nice people and they all accepted me.. He came to my house with his in law who happened to be my dad's friend too to pay his condolence visit (my mum was buried recently).. He said he will be coming every three months to spend a month with me until he can get a passport..
I like the guy, and am okay with the arrangement (don't know if I'll regret later) but I have always wanted a distant marriage. Funny but I prefer that my hubby visits,not like I don't mind he has another woman but am just comfortable with the whole arrangement..
Now my dad started his investigations and discovered that the guy has a family and the informant gave him all the details involved,meanwhile this same woman,arranged a wife for his step son who is also married abroad (am sure she meant no harm,she is my godmother) but my dad said he doesn't like the arrangement at all..
That he is not comfortable with it and I should have a rethink.. He was shocked when I told him am aware of what am about to go into and he asked if the guy used charms on me (lol).. Aunty ,now am confused and wish to hear from people who have or are into that kind of marriage what it looks like.. Apart form the lonely and missing aspect,are there other things I may regret later? Thank you ma'am..

I was sincerely angry while I read this but I'm not permitted to allow my emotions to interfere with my sense of judgement.
I'm sorry for the loss of your mum and I pray that God will comfort you and your family for this irreparable loss.
Young lady, this man is married to a woman. It doesn't matter what you feel or think of his plans and vision for you. Whether he will lose his children or lose his wife later in life is none of your business. Under the law and under God, he is a married man and I will be the last person to encourage anyone under any guise to marry a married man and raise children for him in another country.
Secondly, this man doesn't have you in his mind, what he's planning for is his retirement package for himself and it has nothing to do with his promises. He said that you won't travel with him, you will raise children for him and you will be here with his business and his children.
A godmother who links you up to a married man has no personal relationship with God nor does she mean well to you and your happiness. So you may do yourself a great favour by disassociating yourself from such a fraud in the Christian's fold.
Marriage is different from dating and God's word didn't for any reason encourage couples to build a visiting homes where the husband is in a far away land and the wife is converting his sperm into babies. God's purpose is that couples live together and work together with one vision and purpose in life. Money is good but a visiting marriage will raise children with little or no values and ideologies of marriage and life.
So if you wish to work against God's will for marriage and your life, please count your consequences before venturing into your journey and blame nobody for what you get.
You need not allow his place of work blindfold you from making a decision that will crush everything you ever wished for in life.
Living apart from your husband is not an experience that is palatable and most times you expose yourself to temptations and end up sleeping around while your husband is out of the country.
Please do yourself a favour by not allowing the devil to exploit your life in the name of marriage because you will live to tell your woes.
My sincere prayers is that God will have mercy on you and help you to rediscover your identity and God's purpose for your life and marriage.


  1. I believe sister Amara has said it all. Please don't fall a victim of the same situation my best friend is trying to deal with. I almost made same mistake but thank God I heed to my parent's advice and also learnt from my friend's condition. Don't make a mistake that you may forever live to regret, I advice you sit back and have a rethink. Thanks....

  2. Why is it that whenever ladies hear of guys abroad, their whole body begins to shiver and full of goose pimples? Don't be a wife of option to another man while he enjoys his life home and away. How are you so sure he hasn't told other ladies the same story which you have heard. When you hear/see a married man, what it simply means is that he is married before God and man. There are several handsome, cool and "husband-able" men out there. God help you

  3. Na wah o o o !!!
    Girl how can u even consider that? my brother in-law has a family abroad and has a girl in PH who has a son for him and runs his business (which of course he will fall back to when he is old and grey). Believe me she is so miserable and regrets getting into it. Her family won't accept her son, cos she was warned;so she is stuck here while d guy is abroad enjoying himself.
    Besides u will go straight to hell for encouraging adultery with a married man. Hell is real.
    Do not even try it!!!

  4. Funny enough you will be OK with the arrangement now but please be ok with whatever outcome in future.its not how sweet it sounds now will it sound in the future.he is established then are you established? What happens if you didn't see him for months and years?pls think very well cos it's a life thing

  5. Girl I advice you to leave that man the same thing happened to my cousin and she's regretting everything now.pray for God divine direction and rethink.

  6. I guess what u are just seeing is the money u will be comfortable with in the marriage.but I bet u are still young to make this kind of mistake.I pray ur Dad regect any marriage process from that man,so u can wakeup from ur dream land.
    Do u know how loney feels like every night when hubby is far away
    Do u know the how taking care of ur child alone is like without ur partner.forexample see how ur daddy is coping now with u all as u just lost ur mum.
    Do u know the stigma u will be into as just answering Mrs without a Visible hubby.
    When you pregnant and go for antinatal,u see fellow mothers with thir hubby supporting them .but u have ur own hubby Skype with u.
    Do u know u will have. A particular time u can talk to ur hubby as the white wife mustn't know.
    U will live in a big house with a posh car but a very empty and lonely bed
    Even the family that u think they like u know u will see how they will turn their back on u soon.
    Countless of regret to be an option girt.
    Pray for ur own hubby.and end it with that scam marriage u wanna get into.
    Goodluck sha I hope u listen and heed.

    1. U are a great vivid writer and you have good coaching skills. I must say

  7. Really sister, I know you have made up your mind. Just have a rethink.


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