Sunday, January 31, 2016

I'm Going Insane!

Good evening aunty Amara, please I need your help..... My name is C, I am 35-year old woman from Port Harcourt. I met my husband, A during my days in the bank. He was a regular customer and after a disagreement with him one day while the bank's server was experiencing issues, we became friends. One thing led to another and we started dating which later led to our marriage a year later.
My mother, 59, who is a widow never saw anything good about A. She criticized every bit of his life. This almost ruined our plans to get married but I stood my ground not really because I love him but I was 33 years old with much pressure to get hooked as my friends in my age range were already having kids. It was a golden opportunity for me and I couldn't afford to lose him. I was scared of being lonely for the rest of my life which is a normal feeling among over-age single ladies.
In the course of interrogating my mother on her stark hatred for A, I realized she made no sense with her random reasons which I found incomprehensible. One of her reasons was that A is tall, fair and handsome which constitutes the major attributes of infidelity in marriage as other women will signify interest in him. I laughed this off.
A is a wonderful guy. He is quite shy but very soft and caring. Even though I had my fears about other women trying to steal him from him, I remained defiant and prepared to secure what is mine.
After our first child; a very handsome boy, I was retrenched from the bank as a result of the regular restructuring process and cash crunch issues. I started selling shoes at the store. My mom assisted in taking care of my baby at home.
My mother's presence at our home worsened the relationship between her and A, she seized every available opportunity to insult him which didn't go down well with me. At a point I almost hired a nanny to relieve my mom of her duties but people advised me against the decision. My mom didn't seem happy staying with us but she never left which bothered me and I wasn't bold enough to tell her to go as I was her only child who have been with her since my father passed away ten years ago.
One day, our neighbour who stayed in the opposite flat came to my stall and advised me against letting my mom stay in the house. My neighbour is a full time housewife who is quite popular in the neighbourhood for gossiping. Her reasons were not clear. She said letting her stay is detrimental to my marriage and with time the signs will manifest. I pestered her on her reasons and she revealed my husband comes home from work in the afternoon virtually everyday to stay with my mother in the house during which some loud moaning of pleasure are heard.
According to her, she isn't sure of the woman but from the voice and movements, its my mom. What an impossibility! Our flats seem close and sometimes, you could hear what is happening at the next flat from my room. I couldn't believe it considering the strained relationship between them. I was so annoyed. I almost beat her up. I angrily sent her away.
On a second thought, I placed both of them under surveillance and didn't observe anything strange. During my observations, my mother almost slapped A for mistakenly spilling our baby's food. I was so unimpressed with my mother's disrespect for A. He swore he was going to eject her from the house but I pleaded.
This was the confirmation of the falsehood behind my neighbour's claim but my only concern was that A wasn't bothering me for s*x anymore. He was staying for over a month without lovemaking and no complaints. Its unusual as his libido could be unbearable at times. Even when I make moves at night, he complains of being tired. His weak points were his nipples, once you suck them, he gets 'enraged' like a lion ready to devour its prey but they were inactive.
One day I had to give him a head on a lengthy note to put him in the mood and even when he got hard. He couldn't exceed one round. This is someone that could take a woman on as long as she wants. My husband is from Akwa Ibom for crying out loud and their men are famous for their sexual prowess. He gave his current work schedule as an excuse which I found suspicious and disturbing. An average Akwa Ibom man could pick a beautiful woman over a huge sum of money to start a business. They believed money can always be exhausted in the course of spending but the woman will always be there to bring pleasure and happiness.
I received the shock of my life two months later when I forgot some fancy shoes I brought from Dubai which I wanted to deliver to my customer at home. It was 1pm in the afternoon. I left my sales girl at the stall and rushed home because the woman was disappointed after fantasizing about the pictures of the shoes I sent to her via Whatsapp. I drove home and parked my car outside. I shockingly saw my husband's car at the garage. This was someone that left home before me. I was bothered.
The feeling reminded me of my undergraduate days when you visit the scoreboard to check your result in a course that was rumoured to have recorded a mass failure. I was terrified with the words of my neighbour ringing in my head. The main door wasn't locked. My husband's shoes, shirt and singlet were littered around the sitting room. Our son was sleeping on the sofa. I quietly moved up the staircase with my shoes off to prevent any sound from my movements. From the staircase, I could hear some intense moaning and groaning. It was like a battlefield. Lo and behold, the sounds were from my own mother and my husband who I assumed were stalemates. I never knew my mother was still sexually active. She was screaming and uttering all sorts of words associated with ecstacy.
I got closer to where the noises were coming from, it was our bedroom, my matrimonial bed. I wished it was a dream. I was begging for someone to wake me up so that I could pray over it. I felt the ground should open and swallow me. The door wasn't closed. My husband and my mother were stark n*ked and he was heavily humping her from behind as they backed me. My heart broke when my mother muttered statements like:
''I love you! I wish I met you first!! You are too sweet!!!''
''My daughter doesn't deserve you! I love you!! A baby!!! A oooo!!!!''
I screamed so loud. They were scared to death on sighting me. The next time I opened my eyes, I was in the hospital. I was told I passed out. My life is so miserable right now. I don't know where to start from. My sickness currently is from the mind. A has been coming to beg but the sight of him complicates my problem. I don't ever want to set my eyes on him and my mother again. I feel for our son that will become a product of a broken home. I am so confused. I have begged the doctors for mercy killing but they have refused. I think I am going insane.
The emotional pains are too much for me to bear. He revealed to me via a lengthy email that my mom seduced him long ago while he desperately sought to make friends with her for the sake of our marriage. That's no just reason for him to be sleeping with my own mother.
That's a curse. I am so confused. Where do I go from here?


Take some time off marriage to meditate on your journey in life. Whether you wish to continue with your marriage or not is not the most important thing now. Your emotional stability and security matters much more than any other thing.
This is where you will need to weigh your values, your convictions and the realities of your expectations. Leaving your mother in your house for as long as you did wasn't the best decision for a newly married couple and as such should have been better informed than to run the home of your husband with your mother.
For now, send your mother back home and then decide what this marriage means for you and the implications of the available options for you.
You married because you were afraid to be lonely for the rest of your life and divorcing him would take you back to the lonely life you were afraid of and even if you choose to stay away from him, it won't heal you of the pains and disappointment of his attitude.
In all, forgive him and decide on what matters to you most.

23 comments:

  1. Hmmmm. I have heard about these things happening but I still do not know why!

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  2. I wonder how this woman will heal off this wound. Gosh but ur mum can Kill ooh if she can do such to her own daugher.I understand she's sexually starved but @ least

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  3. I wonder how this woman will heal off this wound. Gosh but ur mum can Kill ooh if she can do such to her own daugher.I understand she's sexually starved but @ least

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  4. I will advice u to just 4give dem both n stay on ur own. U won't b lonely. Ur child n ur business will keep u occupied.d truth is dat,if ur husband can sleep with ur mum,den e can also SLP wit ur daughter or even a nanny. And e can still b going to visit ur mum were Eva she will b nw. Don't settle 4 sumtin dat can lead u to early grave. I want u to also know dat pple hardly change. It takes d grace of God 4 one to change completely.

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    Replies
    1. God bless u Sonita.
      This man will NEVER STOP CHEATING. He has caused himself and will sleep with his own child.
      At least d bible permits divorce based on adultery!!!

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    2. Nice one sonita. Her son n business should be her priorities.

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  5. I will advice u to just 4give dem both n stay on ur own. U won't b lonely. Ur child n ur business will keep u occupied.d truth is dat,if ur husband can sleep with ur mum,den e can also SLP wit ur daughter or even a nanny. And e can still b going to visit ur mum were Eva she will b nw. Don't settle 4 sumtin dat can lead u to early grave. I want u to also know dat pple hardly change. It takes d grace of God 4 one to change completely.

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  6. My dear this is really heart breaking is hard to forgive both of them cos they stabbed u at the back they could still be seeing each other is better u concentrate on ur son and ur business and let ur mum family members know that she destroyed ur marriage u will need time for the pain to heal let him really show remorse for what he has done cos this is really heart breaking.

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  7. I can't still believe this.....my dear just take heart and do like AVL said.

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  8. May God heal your emotional wounds and give you the grace to move on.what a pitiable story!!! It's well dear

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  9. Your marriage was a mistake from the word go. It was a marriage of convenience. You took so many things for granted. Remember you forced it to fulfil your desperate desires to please the world not your happiness. These are the results of your quick judgement. Upon confirming that your A and mom were not in the best of terms, you shouldn't have again resorted to hire an enemy to live with her nemesis. You erred big time. You literally brought food right to a hungry dog.
    Now that it has happened you need to go back to the drawing board. The act is irreparable but you need to think a head now. Healing shall come only if you allow God's hand to lead you to salvation. You are not alone madam. There are so many ladies in your situation. Take heart.

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  10. Is this for real? Cos am still shock that a mother will do this to her own daughter. Oh what world!

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  11. My dear mrs amara is so correct, just take some time off marriage to heal as time have a way of putting everything that has fallen apart into place n also move to a far away destination as it will fasten your psychological, emotional, and physical healing. Its well with you and your son. As for your mum nature will take its cause. My dear C I feel your pain but you will be fine...

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  12. Your mum and husband are very good actors. With all the acting of hatred before you. Well, everyday for thief and one day for the owner. My dear C, you will be fine.

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  13. This must be a joke of the century! If this is an experience from anyone that's still breathing,just divorce him from the hospital bed. He doesn't deserve a second chance. This is unacceptable, unimaginable,unbelievable and unforgettably unforgiveable. As for me, I will never have anything in common with these two beasts.

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  14. This must be a joke of the century! If this is an experience from anyone that's still breathing,just divorce him from the hospital bed. He doesn't deserve a second chance. This is unacceptable, unimaginable,unbelievable and unforgettably unforgiveable. As for me, I will never have anything in common with these two beasts.

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  15. This story sounds like a hoax, how can they be passing those comments while having sex esp considering the fact that they have been having sex for a while.....a well written piece I must say! Kudos to the writer

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  17. For the first time, I have to comment. My dear, so sorry about this. I never knew such thing could happen on this planet,so sad but you have to move on. Your life comes first before marriage. If you die on that hospital bed,life goes on for the two of them. They may even end up living together forever. My dear, for the sake of that little boy,get up and take your life back. Forget about them for now. It's not going to be easy. The emotional pain will be unbearable. Tell God to give you the grace. Be strong and live for your son. When your mind is calm, and you feel your strong enough then you can take a decision regarding the marriage. May God see you through.

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  18. I usually watch this on movie never knew that it could actually happen to someone.plz lean on God,read the world of God u must find solace from that.as for your mum an hubby forgive them both .go back to ur hubby an build ur home but make sure u keep ur mum at arms length.

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