Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Am I Being Used by Him?

Good day ma, I appreciate the good works your doing more power to your elbow... Ma am a student of one of the polytechnics right now am in a dilemma...
My story begins like this, I had my first boyfriend while I was in secondary school he was my class mate and my first love we continued dating even after secondary school up till the time he got admissn into the university, this guy loves me so much and I also reciprocated the love. I was so much in love with this guy that I even did crazy things just to be with him at times...
The story changed when I got admission I met a certain guy we exchanged contacts and we started communicating I got to know from him that he's a business man who resides in Lagos. I didn't inform my boyfriend about this new guy, I started dating the both of them, the new guy was nice to me and also supporting me financially he invited me to Lagos and I honoured the invitation without the knowledge of my boyfriend. At first I didn't love him but with our first meeting I began to develop feelings for him much stronger than the one I had for my boyfriend to be frank ma, this new guy was so much in love with me too and I noticed he was naive in relationship stuffs....
Am 22 and he's 32 from what he told me... Ma my major problem started when I posted a picture on Facebook from an award night we had in school and it took place in an hotel, when he saw the pictures he was so annoyed with me he said so have been following men to hotel I explained everything to him and he accepted but he lost the trust he had for me as a result of that particular incident but we continued dating before now he talked about going to see my parents so as declare his intention to them but I kicked against it because I know my parents won't allow me to get married considering my age...
As of last year I got pregnant for him though he didn't deny me but he asked me to put to birth first, then we go for a DNA to confirm if he's the father of the baby saying he didn't trust me again since that picture incident. I had to abort the baby though he wanted me to keep it but I couldn't based on what he was saying, after I aborted the baby his attitude changed drastically he hardly called me even if I sent him messages on WhatsApp he won't reply, he calls me once in a while, when I complain he will assure me that he still loves me but am not convinced, anytime he wants to invite me to Lagos he will start calling me after I come and go he will stop calling...
Right now am dying inside of me cause I have come to love this guy so much .... Last month being January he called and invited me to Lagos ending of this month feburary but am contemplating if I should go or not.. I talked about my problem with a friend and she advised me not to go that the guy in question should be the one coming and chasing after me and not the other way round, I really want to go to Lagos and see him but I don't know if am being used by him or he thinks am a fool I really love him and will wish to spend the rest of my life with him......
With everything that has happened my first boyfriend is still coming for me even after he found out but the truth of it all is that my mind is no longer with him but with the other guy.... Aunty Amara please advise me cause am no longer thinking straight.... Sorry for the long writeup I just had to explain in details.....


The moment you aborted your baby, even if the man wanted to marry you, he will have a rethink especially when he discouraged you from aborting the baby and from the way and manner you swapped from your first boyfriend to your second boyfriend is an indication that you are a lady of low virtues. 
Relationships are built on life values and virtues and if you as an individual cannot at all point in your life be truthful, honest, sincere and have a good conscience when you relate with other individuals, any man who gets married to you may end up regretting that for the rest of his life. 
I understand that values and taste changes with time but it is selfish and wicked for you to be dating two men at the same time and be sleeping around with them while collecting as much money as you can lay hands on. 
Forgive me for being honest because you deserve the truth that your friends may not tell you. If for any reason you no longer wish to continue with a particular partner, kindly terminate the relationship before heading to another one and if your legs are so sexy and sweet to enjoy the beauty of having sex, please do not kill innocent babies that God have blessed you with because you have no idea what the consequences of that action maybe. 
Apart from being a business man and residing in Lagos, what else do you know about him? Where is he from and what is his attitude like? Has he ever made out time to visit you in school and find out more about your experiences in school? For how long have you known him and where is the relationship heading to?
What exactly are you in love with whenever you think of him? His wealth? His cares or sex? Have you really sat down to examine exactly what you want in a relationship and in a man who you wish to spend the rest of your life with? 
Do you know that your choice of partner determines to a greater extent how your life will be? 
I won't discourage you from going to Lagos to be with him but I doubt if that was what your parents sent you to school to do and I'm also worried if your parents weren't giving you enough resources that you feel that taking this risk every month is the best for you at this point in time. 
Now that he no longer trust what you say and rarely communicate with you, will going to Lagos and having sex with him change the way he feels about you? 
Think it through and do what's best for your life and destiny. If you feel that you are too young to be married, I will suggest that you plan your life in such a manner that you won't be a victim of circumstances or a public ridicule because of a relationship. 
You may wish to note that once trust is broken, the relationship will become a burden and a struggle because trust is not what sex can restore but it is the perception of another towards your personality as a result of your attitude and lifestyle. 

14 comments:

  1. Amara, I will go ahead and give this reply 100/100. I don't have anything else that I can add to it to make her understand it better. Thanks

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  2. Amara u r just a blessing to us and to womanhood at large.God bless ur knowledge...Am really gaining frm ur words..thumb up.

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  3. Nne u r missing his wealth nawaao abortion pls ask God to forgive you n move up n b contented with wot u have

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  4. U fell inlove with lagos guy cuz he has more money than ur first luv,and now that he even gave u chance to love u,u terminate his baby and u still want him to love and call u,
    The truth is that he's just using u and now out of love for u cuz uve show him ur kind of gurl and he will treat u that way,
    I know ur type of gurl,it a pity u are just 22 and u already trending this path,belive me even that ur sch boyfriend knows about everythin, he's just been quite,
    My advice for u is to change and stop sleeping around,ask God for forgiveness cuz that baby u kill u hurt u

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  5. U fell inlove with lagos guy cuz he has more money than ur first luv,and now that he even gave u chance to love u,u terminate his baby and u still want him to love and call u,
    The truth is that he's just using u and now out of love for u cuz uve show him ur kind of gurl and he will treat u that way,
    I know ur type of gurl,it a pity u are just 22 and u already trending this path,belive me even that ur sch boyfriend knows about everythin, he's just been quite,
    My advice for u is to change and stop sleeping around,ask God for forgiveness cuz that baby u kill u hurt u

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  6. You're too young to get married,but you're not too young to have sex and commit abortion

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  7. Abortionist are the worst humans on earth. I really don't get how these young girls terminate the life of a growing cherub in their womb. This is so sad. If you want sex that much why not use a condom this protect you from diseases and unwanted babies. The trust is lost and please stop this useles visit and sex.

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  8. Amara, thank you for that wonderful reply. @ writer, better stop deceiving yourself.

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  9. Thumb up Amara, God will give u more wisdom, knowledge and understanding. Always following ur blog daily; u re a 1 of ur kind.

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  10. Auntie Amara I am amazed at your level of wisdom and sincerity. I pray that blesses your family more in Jesus Name.Amen.U have said it all to her.

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  11. Aunty Amara v nailed it once again oh....ah....to good to b back here!!

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  12. Who I am to judge you but the fact remains the early you put a stop better for you. Kindly go to God ask for forgiveness. Don’t say you are young as time waits no one. Be focus now or regret in soonest. May God guide you. Sister Amara remain bless.

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  13. You really want him to treat you like the apple of his eyes, when you've shown him what you are capable of doing (abortion & double dating).
    I will rather say you're the one using him. Change your attitude, & stop crying falsely.

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  14. Auntie ve said it all bare! Ammend ur way n pray to God for forgiveness oh.

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