Monday, February 1, 2016

He's Avoiding Me Totally!

Good afternoon ma. Happy new year. Please ma I have a challenge eating me up. Am so downcast. Please it's long.
I met someone last month through his elder brother who was my suitor but married now. He linked us through Facebook. The guy came back to Nigeria same period but his family didn't know. He did some dirty deals that made him come in too sudden but not deported.
At first, he told me he didn't have money and I accepted him because I believe as a graduate God will favour him soon. I started looking for job for him. I provided for him when I felt he needed me because am working. Later he told me he had money which was about N2, 200,000. I still told him to keep it let's plan a business to do with it. He even told me to think of one. In the course of my genuity, he opened up to me that he lied about having money. He lied because he saw the pressures I had with suitors. That he didn't want to lose me. I cried. I nearly ended the relationship but I told my mum and she advised I stay.
We started planning our introduction and wedding. I agreed to take up the responsibility 50/50. I involved my family, he got talking with them too.
Then we agreed he goes home to face his family and settle his problem and discuss the marriage. We agreed on using two weeks to settle with them.
He got home and everybody was on his neck and he shunned me. I now noticed he stayed alone when he had an issue but I made him understand am with him and knew it wasn't going to be easy. He really got on my nerves with his muteness and I flared up. Now he is avoiding me totally. We have dates fixed. Am avoiding family right now. Can't be heart broken again. Please help me ma am begging.

Why the rush please? Why rope yourself in a marriage with an irresponsible man who is also a liar? If you sign the dotted lines of the marriage certificate with him, please can you foot the bills of your family? Can you cope with taking care of yourself, your children and your husband?
In as much as you are in love with him, I will encourage you not to ignore some of the signs that your partner may not be emotionally, mentally and spiritually prepared to take the responsibilities that comes with getting married to a lady.
What he may be looking for is a burden bearer and not a wife and from the little that he said and from his disposition, he doesn't seem like he knows where he's heading to nor does he have any plan for himself.
The question really is, can your love push this man for the rest of your life? Are you sure that he's what you truly need?
One thing is being in love and it's entirely another thing to be in touch with the realities of loving an individual. It can be challenging for two responsible partners to manage their home but when one individual carries the burden especially in a situation where she may not be able to provide all that the family needs, it can be heartbreaking.
Think it through and pray about it before deciding on what's best for you and if you can, I would suggest that you give him some space and forget about the relationship for now until you have figured out what you need and what you cannot cope with so that you don't make a decision today and weep for the rest of your life.

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