Sunday, February 21, 2016

He's an Emotional Abuser!

Aunty Amara I need your words,... I think am really broken to the edge... I love my husband and am sure he does love me too but I can't find joy,.. Though he tries to cater for us with the little he earns but he is an emotional abuser, sometimes it's like am walking on egg shells when around him.. He has an unforgiving spirit and always plays the victim... Sometimes I go beyond my strength to take care of the home and manage our resources, but it's never enough for him even when I plead for assistance he helps for a while and then the curses begins, about me not knowing how to be a woman.
I have tried to do things exactly as he wanted but it's not working... It gets severe whenever he doesn't get called back after an interview and am always at fault for anything and everything that goes wrong in the home ... Sometimes he indirectly abuse my family... Whenever I try to act tough like it's not getting at me he starts nagging at the top of his voice that am proud, useless, fool , he will deal with me in the future.. How he had various ladies bringing cash just to have him, but yet he opted for me...
Am extremely emotional, so these things get to me a lot, sometimes you try to find myself.. He only wants his plans for me, my ideas are immature... I feel ashamed wherever we live because he shouts these things loud.. He has brought me before his family members three different times to settle issues that ought not to be... I have pleaded with him severally to let me be, no positive outcome. The kids see these things and I fear for our future..
The business he set up for me, collected my daily sales, saying it's been used to cater for me.. Now I am being asked to close up the place and sit at home... A day I was driving the car, I saw a condom inside the driver's door, but he denied it's for him. These things are eating me up, I wish I can quit but my kids might suffer...
Right now it's so bad that you can't even stand his touch.. I give him sex as an obligation, I don't feel a thing... By the way he quarrels with everyone... his family, mine, colleagues, friends and enemy... Sometimes I chat just to get joy and am thinking of joining an online dating site to find love and then divorce him.. He said if I take the kids from him, I and the kids will die. My family can't help, they told me to endure. We never dated he had been a family friend for years,... Please talk to me am losing it.

No matter what others feel about your decision, please do not let public pressure or perception bury you before your time. 
When you can no longer wrap your mind around what's happening in your marriage and in your home, and you feel choked or depressed, kindly take a break from your marriage so that you can breath a fresh air and regain your strength to plan your life and examine your marriage to see if you can cope with him or agree to let go and whatever you decide, please do not venture into another relationship while in your marriage but seek for divorce so that you can be free to decide whether to remarry or take good care of yourself and your children. 
You cannot pretend to be happy when it's obvious that you are brutally being crushed and abused daily. You have sex with him but your heart rejects him, you live with him but you are gasping for breath, you are giving your all to make your marriage work but you are getting down to your lowest point of your life, you saw condom in his car and he want you to believe that it was a miracle or a mistake from the devil. 
Praying for him is a great suggestion but you must take some practical steps to help yourself and to also redefine the terms and conditions of your marriage, you and your husband needs to visit a counsellor who will discuss with him and help him understand his roles and responsibilities as your husband and how best to communicate with you without embarrassing you like his slave. 
I pray that God will give you his grace and strength to stand up and save yourself from breaking down because of the fear of being mocked by those who have no idea what you were going through in marriage.


  1. This is exactly what am going through. The answer for me now is to take a break from my marriage.

  2. Exactly what I faced. Even though we have done introduction, I broke up with him. Now I'm feeling so sad but happy I'm at peace


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