Sunday, February 28, 2016

I'm Tired of the Marriage!

Good evening ma,God will bless you for the good work you are doing ! Please I need your advice. I got married eleven years ago and dated my husband for three years. We are blessed with two beautiful girls I'm really grateful to God for his blessings. When we got married, my husband travelled abroad to do his masters.He left me behind in Nigeria and I joined him a year later and we had our beautiful daughter. I was working as a full time mum and my husband was doing part time work while schooling . After his first Masters degree he went for a second one and I waited patiently raising my daughter working at the same time.
Two years later we had another daughter and I was grateful to God. I still continued working with my two kids without help from anyone. I do work at night, my husband will be home with the kids. He goes to school during the day. Doing part time job as well that is twenty hours a week. I worked for five years doing night jobs and he promised to assist me to study as well.
I got my first degree with the help of my elder sister in Nigeria before we got married. My sister sponsored the traditional wedding as part of my wedding gift and my husband did the white wedding with his family. Before coming abroad he was working and I just finished from university. After his master we moved from Europe to Canada, he got a job. Less than two months that we moved to Canada, my mum passed on in Nigeria and I felt so bad because life was just starting for us and I didn't get to take care of my mum as I wanted.
Two years later I lost my sister to breast cancer and I was devastated asking God for so many questions as a devoted Christian I wanted an answer but Grace kept me going, my love for God never changed. I learnt a lot from those experiences, prayers and fasting became part of my life and drew me closer to God more than ever.
As for my husband he's a gentleman who doesn't want to stand up for himself always want his family to help all the time. I don't have savings of my own, I joined my husband in paying bills in the house whenever I'm working. He wanted me to go to my family and ask them for help whenever we were broke that was my family back home and they always sent me money because they felt for me as the baby of the house and I didn't want me to suffer.
My husband works from 9am to 5 p.m. Mondays to Fridays, comes home, seat on the sofa watch TV , eat and sleep. Weekends were off, stay at home, sleep, goes to church on Sunday. My husband only remembers the Bible on Sundays, on Tuesday's Bible study no prayer at home and he is a church worker.
Whenever I want to approach my pastor and tell him what is going on in my marriage my pastor wouldn't let me talk he keep saying I'm seeing your husband working in oil company and have his own business rich and myself having my own business as well that is what God is telling him. I found it difficult to talk to him that was the things he kept telling him every time and my husband was now lazy, depended on his family back home to send him money whenever he was out of money. He doesn't want to stand up for himself as the man of the house and take a second job which a lot of people do here where there is job. When I am praying, he is sleeping unless there is problem he remembers God after that he is back to his normal life.
I owe a lot of debt paying people cause of my husband to help out in the family. I can't even send money home to help my sister and her kids and my dad who did a lot for me in life but my husband still wanted me to collect from them back home whenever I say no he gets angry. He will start saying I used to give you money and buy gifts for you when we were dating before I married you.
Our love life is dead, quarreling with each other. My in-laws also wanted me to go and meet my family for help all the time. I buy everything for myself and the kids as well. I feel so sad seeing some people getting little help from their husband but my case is different. I don't have a car, spends money on taxi but he is using a new car going to work and comes home and park it in the garage.
I do all kinds of jobs to keep the marriage, not able to go back to school as he promised me but instead he is planning to go back to school. He won't let me go out of the house, checks my phone calls who I'm talking to where I'm going on daily basis. The only thing I do are going to work ,cleaning the house ,cooking and taking care of the kids. Whenever I'm going to church he drops me and picks me up. I don't visit friends because I don't have a car.
Now he want to relocate to US again that is how we move from one country to another every five years. Instead of him to sit, and work hard. I have decided not to move with him anymore and he refused to listen to me without even praying about the movement. He changed towards me with his family because I am not feeling too strong, on medication daily but still working. I am believing in God for healing. Kindly keep me in prayers as well. I have prayed and fasted for years and I'm tired of the marriage I want to move on with my life and God sees my heart thank you ma!

I pray that God will make you whole in your body, in your bones and in your marriage in Jesus name Amen.
In as much as you may have some reservations about the attitude of your husband, I still believe that your marriage can be prosperous if you are willing to partner with God and patiently allow him to help you and strengthen your heart to give your best in your marriage.
Your husband doesn't like taking responsibilities or does he think and act as though he's married and is the leader of your marriage. Perhaps the soft landing that your family gave to him by sponsoring the traditional marriage made him feel that he will always depend on them and his family to enjoy his singleness while you labour to carry out the responsibilities in your marriage.
But never you take the responsibilities of your marriage to your family for any reason or purpose, let him know that he is a man and he should take the responsibilities of his marriage and not your family.
The implications of his attitude is that you must stand up on your feet and focus on taking care of your children and your needs because no matter how much he earns, I doubt if he would ever see the need to be responsible or to work with you to achieve more and invest more in your marriage.
You may have valid reasons not to follow him to US but as long as you are still with him and married to him, you have limited decisions about where he feels is better for you and your family.
As regards to his attitude towards prayers and personal relationship with God, maybe his status in the church maybe overshadowing his prayer life and as such wouldn't see the need to seek the face of God at all times except when he feels that he has a need for such. No matter how much you wish to encourage him to pray, you may be frustrating yourself in the process and at the end of the day may achieve nothing spiritually and emotionally.
I would rather suggest that you take him to God in prayers and not to his pastor because not all pastors have a personal relationship with God though they may be working for God.
Pray for him but don't push him, the Holy spirit remains the most important person that you can partner with to win the heart of your husband and to help him understand his roles and responsibilities in his home.
Do not be discouraged or give up in giving your best in your marriage while you also maintain constant communication with him so that you can share your thoughts with him and also hear him out.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Designed by Tunde Sanusi (Tuham)