Tuesday, February 9, 2016

My Husband Hurts Me!

Good evening ma remain blessed. I've written to you once and I know the reason why it was not published. Please I need your advise and that of the house before my head explodes. I've been married for eight years with three lovely kids

My husband is a very good, loving, caring man that I love so much. I've been through hell for this man cos of the love I have for him despite he's not around, I practically worship him, any conflict I'll always call to say sorry whether it's my fault or not.

My husband left Nigeria six years ago but before he left we spent two years here together. I spent the first three years here alone with my children though men disturbed me, I never yielded to their demand why because I have my God by my side and He has been my strength. That same third year we visited my husband, he started accusing me of infidelity. I had to even call my parents, brother and pastor.

I told him all I know that I couldn't possibly do that with who and for what reason. I was circumcised even he wouldn't have married if its for sex that am still a baby in that area.

We've been here in Nigeria since 2013 while he is there. Am right in my father's house doing private teaching to help yet my husband will accuse me especially when he's not able to send us money when necessary. I feel cheated, used, alone whenever he says such to me I feel so sad. I've sworn by God, begged him not to accuse me that am innocent my husband kept repeating it. How do I make my husband know he got a wife in me and not a prostitute?

Aunty Amara how many women can be faithful as I am without her husband, non regular upkeep money? I beg from one to another just to keep my children going, my family helps, his family helps as well but my husband hurts me.

I don't even accuse my husband cos I trust him. Put me and my family in your prayers please before I think otherwise.

I want to believe that you and your husband were in agreement to run your family from abroad while you stay here and raise your children. For obvious reasons not every one has the maturity and the emotional stability to build their home in a long distance marriage that has spanned for six years and to be candid with you, this is not a marriage but an emotional torture and social status marriage and that explains why you are in this difficulties.
The best solution to this is to make plans with him to either reunite with him or he should save up some money and return back home and invest them and build up his home where there would be no reason for doubts and suspicions.
But if that is not workable and possible for you and your husband, then you may need to bury your heart in your passion and learn to tolerate his opinions and treat them as opinions. If he feels that you are cheating, then he can do well to provide the evidence and if he cannot do so, then you need not explain anything to him. It's even hurting that the man who ought to be your pillar is not only hurting you but he's also draining your energy and at the same time looking for an avenue to make you feel miserable in your sacrifices to sustain your marriage.
As far as I'm concerned, your marriage is dysfunctional and your husband needs to do more than trading blames so that you don't raise children who have no idea who their father is.
There should be some plans and vision to reunite with your husband and work together so that you don't continue with this emotional torture and loneliness you call marriage.
I pray that God will provide all you need to take care of your children but I pray much more that you shall be united to your husband so that you and him can spend quality time together and manage what you have while you work with him towards building a greater future for your family.

1 comment:

  1. My candid opinion is...

    Your husband is cheating and is using psychology on you so that you won't suspect a thing. He accuses you so that you'll feel bad (especially bcos he knows you don't like it).


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