Saturday, February 20, 2016

She Hates my Place of Worship!

Good day ma, I really appreciate your handwork here,may God bless you. I would like this mail to be posted immediately.
I am  33 years old man, married with one child. This is my third year of marriage with my wife, she is a very nice woman and God fearing and above all I love her so much. In 2014 when I went to pay her dowry, there was one issue that came up between two of us, it was church issue.
My wife attended my church and came back to tell me, she doesn't like my church that her spirit did not accept the church, we argued on that issue even my parents refused my proposal to her and she refused to marry me just because of my church. I pleaded with her, begged her, she refused and said that, she doesn't want her husband to be going to a separate church, that I should go and marry someone else but I refused and made a promise to her in the presence of her parents, that church won't be a problem to us and I will also wed her in her own church before she agreed, then I paid her dowry, did traditional wedding, but no white wedding yet..
Now my parents want her to start coming to my own church, but she doesn't want to, I have pleaded with her in so many ways but she refused, even to the extent that we have fought over this issue but she said that her going to that church was like putting her hand in a hot fire, that instead of her to go my church, she will leave this marriage,..
Please ma, advice me, should I allow her to be going to her own church, what about our future, our kids, will they be parted away and be going to a different church,.. Moreover, I don't want her to leave me in this marriage..
Please advice me ma...


I will be honest and sincere with you. It is very wrong for you to allow your parents to interfere in your marriage, it only makes you inadequate to be a man and take decisions in your home. Your wife deserves some respect and honour as your wife and not to be pushed around by you and your extended family. 
If for any reasons, you are living with your parents, though you didn't state that, please kindly look for another apartment and move in with your family so that both of you can enjoy the privileges of being husband and wife. 
From your mail, your wife expressed her views about your place of worship and because she understood the sensitive nature of spiritual compatibility, she was willing to let go of marriage so that she can remain in the place where she felt at peace and in love with God. 
You knew very well how she felt about your church and you stood in the presence of God, your wife and her parents and PROMISED that church won't be your problem and that you will wed in her church. 
Why then are you forcing her to go to a place where her spirit is not at peace or do you want to bring out the monster in her? Why have you suddenly forgotten that you made a promise with her parents not to force her to attend your church since you knew that she never loved it? 
Why are you using your parents as an excuse to destroy your marriage or do you now want to make her look like a rebellious wife to you? Granted that you are the head but issues of spiritual compatibility is not what you force on anyone because it has a direct impact on how they will relate to you and how happy your marriage will be. 
Go back to her and discuss with her, if she is not willing to attend your church, then agree with her to worship in a church where you and her can be comfortable without feeling withdrawn or angry. You must make the compromise because this is very very sensitive and you cannot push her around now unless you want to destroy your marriage. 
This is the best time to keep to your words and help her grow in love with you. Even if you feel that your church is a better suggestion, you can't win her by using parental pressure on her, that may backfire on your marriage. 
Start by wedding her in her church and then agree with her on a neutral place to worship or somewhere that both of you feel is best for you. If you can let go of your place of worship and work with her, it is better to accept that than to destroy your marriage. 
Personally, your place of worship is not the most important thing when it comes to spiritual compatibility but your personal relationship with God and the values and virtues that both of share together in your marriage. Please sort this out with your wife and keep your family far away from your marriage. What worked for your parents may not work in your marriage so you should be independent of your parents and learn to make compromises and adjustments for the sake of your marriage and your children. 

2 comments:

  1. Why do we bring so much frustration. Into our life on what it un called for,now is not even Xtain Muslim issue it now d same Xtain-Xtain. Did Jesus Christ ur prophet talk about church,he only preach the gospel. And show u the way to the. True God,,am sure it's either white garment Vs pentecostal or Catholic Vs new generation church,may God. Lead us all right,cuz when we all die and on the. Day of reasuration God won't ask us the kind of church we worship,it just the devil trying. To bring misunderstanding to u both,

    ReplyDelete
  2. Why do we bring so much frustration. Into our life on what it un called for,now is not even Xtain Muslim issue it now d same Xtain-Xtain. Did Jesus Christ ur prophet talk about church,he only preach the gospel. And show u the way to the. True God,,am sure it's either white garment Vs pentecostal or Catholic Vs new generation church,may God. Lead us all right,cuz when we all die and on the. Day of reasuration God won't ask us the kind of church we worship,it just the devil trying. To bring misunderstanding to u both,

    ReplyDelete

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