My marriage is in the next three weeks, but I am worried if the marriage would last. I have been into to series of relationship, but at some point I stopped loving them for an unknown reasons, I get angry and irritated easily.
When I met my fiance three years ago, I knew he was the one for me, he was so calm, gentle and well behaved . But along the line I stopped loving him but I continued with the relationship hoping that one day I will change into loving him.
What pisses me the most about him is that he is graduate(we are both graduates) with 2.1 who can't speak or write a correct sentence, he has body and mouth odour.
People say I can change him, but I feel it is when he is willing to learn he will change. This guy loves me so much and I àm counting on it. I grew up in Lagos and he grew up in the North.
Let me begin by telling you that in marriage, nobody can change anybody no matter the strategy or the approach that you feel will be best to change him. Most times all you will get is frustrations and regrets because humanity naturally rejects change especially when it's without any convictions to their conscience.
This is why you must as a matter of necessity settle within your heart to love unconditionally even when you may have some reservations for some of his personality traits or habits. So if you are not comfortable with him and you cannot cope with him, then you may need to reconsider your decision to get married to him.
I understand how you feel most especially knowing that he went to the university and came out with good grades but the most important thing in relationship is the ability to communicate effectively with your partner without any ambiguity in understanding each other and if you and your partner can communicate effectively notwithstanding his poor use of English and poor writing skills, then his poor grammatical and writing skills can be worked on with time and exposure to some materials that will enhance his use of English.
Concerning his mouth odour, I also feel that it can be addressed with love and understanding depending on how you approach him on that and the steps you take to help him overcome halitosis.
You may begin by getting a different paste from the ones he has been using. A paste that contains more fluoride and menthol and then encourage him to always brush his tongue whenever he uses the brush. You may entice him by letting him know that a fresh breath is perfect for a French kiss.
You must be emotionally mature and psychologically stable for you to be willing to patiently help him become a better man and a better husband for you.
This is not the time to use the "I'm pissed, this is crazy men" and the likes, you must realise that marriage is for the mind that is prepared for the realities of life and the rigors of being naked with one another without being ashamed of him even though he cannot speak good English.
If you are still convinced that he's the one for you, your worries won't be if your marriage will work but your main concern will be, how you can help him become a better man. He loves you unconditionally, he cherishes you selflessly and he is doing everything possible to let the whole world know that you the best for him and that he wishes to grow old with you.
Yes his grades doesn't reflect in his use of English but his love is reflecting all around your life.
So first of all, settle this down in your spirit that you are going into the marriage institution with the faith and convictions that by the grace of God and with his word and his wisdom and patience that you will give yourself and all you have to make your marriage work.
You need to deliberately decide to love your husband just as God loves you and serve him in the best way you could serve the king of your heart. You need to prepare your heart to use your knees to seek the face of God in all things that may be affecting your marriage and not your tongue and you will at all times use all that God has blessed you with to bring out the very best in your husband and in your marriage.
If you are not comfortable with him and you are still worried about getting married to him, kindly cancel the wedding invitation and bid him goodbye. Your friends and family may curse you or feel angry with you but at least you will be saving yourself from a miserable marriage of frustration and regrets.
If Queens English is more important to you than his loving heart, please do not compromise on that because he promised you marriage but go for what you will be proud of even if he may have some weaknesses and shortcomings as an individual.
Concerning the halitosis(mouth odour),u can get mouth washes 4 him or rather visit a dentist so as 2 ascertain if d cause is within d oral cavity(mouth)or if it's internal like Gastro oesophagageal reflux disease or GERD or even diabetes could b d cause and dat is why he needs 2 see a dentist so that u know how 2 treat it 4rm d main cause...if it's from d oral cavity,then ordinary scaling and polishing and some oral hygeine instructions if followed should get rid of it.so, just help him.Good luck dear
ReplyDeleteConcerning the halitosis(mouth odour),u can get mouth washes 4 him or rather visit a dentist so as 2 ascertain if d cause is within d oral cavity(mouth)or if it's internal like Gastro oesophagageal reflux disease or GERD or even diabetes could b d cause and dat is why he needs 2 see a dentist so that u know how 2 treat it 4rm d main cause...if it's from d oral cavity,then ordinary scaling and polishing and some oral hygeine instructions if followed should get rid of it.so, just help him.Good luck dear
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