Monday, March 14, 2016

Am I Wrong for Asking for More Time?

Good morning aunty Amara, kindly post my story. It's been a year since I broke off my engagement due to unforeseen circumstances although I thank God because he made see that I would've made a huge mistake. As painful as it was I'm ready to move on. I'm an attorney in South Africa. There was man asking for my hand in marriage. I'm 26, he is 42 never been married. We met each other briefly through my cousin in South Africa when he was also studying for his law degree.

He has been toasting me for about four years now but I kept turning him down because I was in another relationship then. He's close friends with my elder cousin who has assured me that he is a good man hardworking, intelligent, and God fearing and saw his struggle to see himself through school. My cousin visited his village and said that his background is solid.

He has returned to Nigeria and is currently doing his law school and intends to settle down immediately thereafter. I've started to develop feelings for him.

No day passes that he does not call or text to check up on me.

I'm only returning to Nigeria next year to do my law school as well.

My problem is that despite my cousin saying all those good things about him I myself also want to be convinced that he is the one. Because we just met each other in 2011.

I told him we need to spend a few months together so that he can also be sure of me. He now thinks I'm making up excuses to turn him down again and that I don't consider his age.

Aunty please am I wrong in asking him to wait for a little while. I know people don't really show their true colors till after marriage but I want what I feel from a distance to be the same when we meet again. The fact that he has not given up on me I don't know if God is trying to bring us together. I'm so confused.

You need not be confused because marriage is beyond a reference from relatives, colleagues and friends. It's a journey that you will embark on with God and your partner so you must be convinced beyond the perception and opinions of others. 
If he's not willing to give you some time say three to six months to understand the foundation of his vision, passion and personality which is very vital in marriage, please do not allow him to pressurise you into getting married to him. 
You need to find out his personal relationship with God, his vision in life, his purpose for marriage and for you in his life and how both of you hopes to work together and support each other. 
You need to also understand the realities of getting married to him considering his age group and the probable differences in your desires and passion. 
For example, his sexual prowess at 25 can never be the same at 45 and if he could last up to five minutes on bed, he may last a lot lower depending on his meal and body capacity. The rate of sperm formation is not as it was when he was a lot younger. 
Psychologically he may see you as a little girl depending on his own philosophy of life and that may hinder your communication between you and him. These and many more are the things that you need to keep in mind and strive to understand his personality much more so that you can relate with him and appreciate his personality. 
There's no ignoring the fact that you cannot survive or succeed without God so you must kneel down in all sincerity and seek the face of God concerning his proposals and your marriage because your destiny and destination is tied greatly to who you settle down with. This is why you should disassociate yourself from every pressure whether they be from within or from around you so that you can meditate, evaluate and decide on what's best for you and your destiny in life. 

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