Tuesday, March 22, 2016

He's Addicted to Masturbation!

Hello ma,
May God continue to bless you as you help people overcome relationship challenges through your wise counselling.
I've been married for three years but I only recently joined my husband in the country he is based in. Few weeks after my arrival I started noticing that he preferred to sleep in the living room. Initially I thought it was unintentional but over time I realized it was deliberate. Even when I wake him to come into our bedroom he would say "Okay... I will join you shortly" but he will end up not coming.
Our sexual life started to get affected. We go weeks on end without any form of intimacy. It was after close observation that I realized the reason for his apparent lack of interest in getting intimate with me. He is very much into masturbation. He is more like an addict to it. He will rather satisfy his sexual urge through masturbation than have normal sex. Sometimes, he indulges in it all through the night even when I'm lying next to him on the same bed.
I tried bringing up the topic but he just didn't want to talk about it so he kept mute. I decided not to talk about it again so he doesn't get angry and withdraw more into his shell. The distance between us seems to be getting wider by the day. We don't argue, we don't fight, I dutifully play my role as a wife and he does his too but our conversations are kind of 'formal'. I have barely lived three months with him and this whole drama is beginning to drive me nuts.
What do you suggest I do?

Every addiction must be managed by a psychological therapist or a counsellor for him to overcome it and help him to control the urge and also have the desire to have sex with you. 
Individuals could resort to masturbation as a result of some psychological challenges like having low self esteem, fear of rejection, or intimidation, some of his early life challenges or out of constant watching of pornographic videos. 
You must find out when it is convenient and comfortable for both of you to talk about it and respectfully bring up the challenge and find out what pushed him to masturbation. 
When a sexual habit begins to threaten the harmony and the stability of your marriage, it's time to speak up and find ways to help him overcome this addiction. 
Where you may find it difficult is if he feels that masturbation is not bad or terrible to practice as an individual like some people advocates. This is because he wouldn't even understand your concerns and worries about his sexual orientation and he will indirectly either push you into masturbating or he pushes you into cheating on him. 
To prevent that from happening, please find a way to get him to open up to you about this and hear him out so that you can evaluate the best approach to assist him. It's only when he can talk about it that you can find a way to help him. 
While you pray for him to open his heart and for the Holy spirit to convict his heart on why he should give up masturbation, please communicate with him often and get him to open up on this issue so that he can be supported. 
If you need me to talk to him or discuss with him, I can assist you in that but please do not pretend to be happy when your marriage is battling with a third party (masturbation) already. 


  1. This is when the phrase "for better, for worse" comes into play.don't be discouraged,its a battle you can win. Forgive him and pray for him while you try to find out why he is doing what he is doing.It could be that He was trying to be faithful to you and since you were not around,he decided to 'help' himself.Help him get medical help,u could be the angel God sent for his deliverance...Good luck

  2. My problem is that most of them don't really want to be helped even when you see them doing it ,they deny it. So crazy!

  3. It feels great to feature much revealing and unequalled articles on your websites. Stop masterbaiting

  4. In 1 Corinthians 7:5 it says get permission from one another in marriage to not do sex, though this was for better reasons, it still applies. I think that many thoughts in sex and masturbation are damaging to marriage, thus anti Jesus and God. It is good to repair marriage, but better to repair the thoughts in sex and masturbation. 1 Corinthians 7:5 suggests fasting and prayer in front of God and this should not be done to be seen by others.


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