Friday, March 25, 2016

How Did I Possibly Contribute to his Death?

Good day ma. May God bless you for availing yourself to be used by Him and may He reward you abundantly. This I my first time of writing you and my story is quite a lengthy one. We got married in 2013 after a long courtship of about six years and it was a sex free one. The beginning of my marriage was the beginning of loneliness for me. On our wedding night, he told me he will be in the same room with his friends. I was so heartbroken that I couldn't utter a word so I went to be with my maid of honour but after sometime I went back to my husband and he paid for a room where we spent that night.
This is one thing that has refused to leave my memory. He is the first and only man that has made love to me.
The day we got married was the beginning of my loneliness. Before we got married he was romantic but after our wedding, that part of him died. No outings, dates, gifts, not even the words every woman wants to hear, no attention. He said he loves me but I've not felt that love. Sometimes it's as if I force myself on him. My actions towards him, care, attention, love, is enough reason to prove to him how much I love him.
After our wedding, things weren't moving on well financially and in our business. I stood by my husband, prayed for him, I was patient, I endured, I helped him in whatever way I could until God opened a door for us last year. Since then things got worse. He spends 99.9% of his time in his business, he goes out early in the morning and comes back at night, he doesn't have time for me. NB he is not a cheat. I've cried, complained, kept to myself, thinking he'll change but his business was his priority even while I was pregnant. He doesn't have time to discuss our lives, marriage, the way to make our love stronger with me. He only discuses business.
Last year, God blessed me with the fruit of the womb, aunty during the nine months, I was alone emotionally, I went for antenatal alone except on one occasion I forced him to go with me, I bore my pregnancy pain alone, I suffered everything alone. He only provided money for antenatal, he was busy with his business running. During my pregnancy I had a medical challenge that my Doctor neglected so I had to move to another hospital with his consent. After the long run, I lost my baby the day he was delivered.
We met the doctor and asked him the cause of my baby's death and he explained everything to us. On our way home, he told me that I contributed to the death of my baby because I was running from one hospital to another.
Since then, I've been heartbroken. Whenever I remember what he said, I feel like dying. That baby was supposed to be my first child how would I possibly contribute to his death? I'm waiting for your words of wisdom.

Please be encouraged by God's promises for your life and marriage that you shall be fruitful and that you shall multiply and that you shall subdue the earth. 
By the virtue of your pregnancy, you are fruitful and irrespective of what the devil maybe doing to frustrate your efforts and sacrifices and poison your heart against your husband and your marriage, you must surely multiply and subdue the earth. Your children shall be like the stars in the sky and the sand of the earth. 
The truth is that you are not responsible for the death of your son nor should you continue to judge yourself or blame yourself because of what your husband said. The guilty person here is the devil because he knew how much your son meant for you and your husband and decided to frustrate your efforts but not to worry, our God is never afraid of the plots and the manipulations of the devil. 
You must be strong and positive even in times like this because our God is not yet done with you at all. He has so much plans to open doors of blessings and favour in your family and you don't need to lose hope because of your loss. 
Praise God in advance, praise God in the storm, praise God when it doesn't feel good, praise God when it doesn't make sense to you, praise God who can see beyond your pains and disappointments and praise God because he's too faithful to fail. 
The confidence I have in God's personality is that he can never disappoint anyone who put her trust in Him. It's just not his nature nor will he ever change in your marriage instead he will exceed your expectations and give you twins to the shame of the devil. 
Our greatest enemy is the devil and that is why you must be very fervent in praying for your marriage and in all your endeavours to avoid giving the devil a loophole to strike. And for you to pray effectively, you must as a matter of urgency decide within your heart to forgive your husband and forgive him totally. 
The mistakes that we have made most times is that we feel that a man who has some money is naturally caring but in all sincerity it's not just the truth, other times we feel that a man who is old enough for marriage has the emotionally intelligence to relate with his wife and understand her personality but that also isn't true because some men don't even know what it to care for a lady. All they do is buy gifts and give money as though they are alleviating poverty from the life of the lady and sometimes ladies do not help them by opening up but they keep mute hoping that he will change which most times isn't the case. 
You have to forgive him because he maybe ignorant of what he did on your wedding night. It seemed to me that his friends and colleagues were more important than you were and they were the ones who made the marriage as ceremonious as it was that day so he had to appreciate them which was entirely wrong and terrible of him. 
Choosing not to forgive him will affect your prayers, your emotional stability, your duties as his wife and the peace of mind in your marriage. You cannot afford to carry this burden of unforgiving spirit and expect your marriage to prosper. You cannot continue to hold unto his weaknesses and hope that your marriage will blossom. 
This is why God brought you into his life, to help him understand how to grow in love with you, how to communicate with you, how to appreciate and respect your emotions and spend quality time with you. 
You have already started on a great note, what you need now is to understand the kind of man that you got married to. From your mail, his vision is to succeed so much in his business that he will have so much money to buy anything that you need in life. This is why any other discussions doesn't make any sense to him except it be about his business. So to connect with him, you must learn to speak with business terms and explain things to him using the business language so that he can easily connect with you and communicate effectively with you. 
Depending on his exposure, age and understanding, he may not understand why he needs to connect with you and pamper you as his wife because he may feel that once you have the money to buy anything you want, then you have the comfort and the satisfaction that you crave for. 
It may take some time for him to grow and develop the level of affection and care that you crave from him. For now make more enquiries about his business, celebrate him, surprise him with gifts, make your sexual intercourse an explosive experience and give reasons to look forward to home and to being with you. 
Prepare his favourite meal and ignore his weaknesses and some of his careless words to you. Like I said earlier, he is still learning how to communicate with you and there is every tendency that he has no idea how you feel whenever he says those things. 
If he watches movies, then you may consider getting some romantic movies that teaches on how to communicate with a lady and how to spend quality time with your family. You may consider movies like War Room, Courageous, Fireproof and Mr and Mrs. They will surely teach him a thing or two about marriage and help him to understand his roles and responsibilities as the husband and your companion. 
Please relent in praying for your marriage, millions of issues have been resolved through prayers and your husband's insensitivity to your needs and his weaknesses will be trashed out with prayers and patience. Just have this at the back of your mind that God has brought you into his life to build him up spiritually, financially, emotionally and psychologically and I'm hopeful that with time he will have no option but to celebrate you and let the world know about you in a special way. 


  1. Please do not kill yourself because of him. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Take solace in God and he will heal your broken heart. Pls ignore the frustrated fool, he may be gay and has refused to let u know.

  2. Please do not kill yourself because of him. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Take solace in God and he will heal your broken heart. Pls ignore the frustrated fool, he may be gay and has refused to let u know.


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