Monday, April 25, 2016

Could it be that they are Dating?

Hi Aunty Amara, thanks for all your good work. My story is long but I'll try as much as I can to summarize. I have been married for seven years with three kids, my husband is so pretentious that you know him well.
It all started two years ago when I had my last baby, I discovered he's been cheating on me with a particular girl. On enquiring from him, he beat me up, and since then he has beaten me more than six times now just because of the same girl. I feel so down emotionally cos I really trusted my hubby to a fault. He saved the girl's number with a male's name, and when I called the number, the girls sent me a message pretending to be an engineer.
The thing now is my husband claimed to have changed yet he still communicate with her, the girl even requested that he buy her a car, and this was a man that claimed there was no money each time I requested for my children's upkeep. Each time we have misunderstanding, he goes about like he does not care, it's me that is always emotionally down. I love him so much and I don't want to do anything rash, all I want is for my love to be reciprocated.
Just recently I saw the text the girl sent to him with her account number inclusive requesting he sends money to her and the message sounded more like a command than a request. When I asked him, he flared up and walked out on me. He said they have not been talking and the message sounded otherwise and that he did not send any money to her. If actually he didn't, why then was he angry over it?
I have always read and heard about cheating men but with the way I trusted my husband, I never would have believed anyone if I was told. This is the same man that gets angry when bringing out money for his children's upkeep. Am so confused right now, could it be that they are still dating? Could it be that he never loved me and has been pretending all these years? Note.... He loves going to church and he's even the vice president of the excellent men in my church, he gets mad at me when I don't go to church. But his character does not show it, I have reported him to my pastor when it all started. Am tired, I don't know what to do.
I have caught him watching porn and he claimed that he is not a baby, why can he not watch porn movies, there was a time I listened to a record on his phone conversing with one of his friend and the whole conversation was how the guy is helping him to organise girls and he even spoke with the girl on the phone.
My husband can do things you can't even imagine,cos he comes back pretending all is well. What I don't understand now is his anger towards all these things. Is he simply taking advantage of me because he knows I'll still forgive him. He does not apologise nor show remorse, please I need your advice and that of your fans, am going crazy every passing day. Thanks.


I want to believe that he's no longer raising his hands on you for any reason or purpose. I want to believe that you love yourself so much that you are not willing to die miserably in the hands of an abusive partner all in the name of marriage and your children. 
If for any reason your husband, who is an excellent men's executive and a very committed member is still raising his finger on you, please do not endure it or tolerate such and do not just keep quiet but take a walk and let both his church leaders and your family have a picture of what you are experiencing in your marriage. 
Some men act so righteous and religious that you will never believe that they have a dysfunctional attitude in their home. From his reactions and his attitude towards you and your children, it's obvious that he's a chronic and an unrepentant cheat. Infidelity makes men not to appreciate what they have and at the same time pushes them to waste all they have chasing strange women outside. 
Perhaps he's not comfortable with your constant checking up on his phone and tracking his life but the truth is that he's far away from you and no matter how you trail him, he may not change his attitude. 
You need to consider praying for him and praying with him so that you can allow God to fight your battle and win your husband for you. You may need to minimise your constant checking up of his phone and give him some space so that you can be in control of your emotions and be strong enough to manage the challenges of your home. 
He's battling with his ego and pride which is why he always attack you whenever you probe into his shady deals with the other lady. I also feel that there's need for both of you to have a heart to heart discussion and find out what could have changed that made him feel that cheating on you was a better approach to resolving the challenge. 
He's religiously upright but lack the depth of God's word in his life. He's active in the church but Christ is yet to possess his heart which is why he's comfortable with pornography and infidelity. I mean what business does he have with a lady that she could send her account details and demand for money? 
It's not a battle you can win by talking to him and challenging him but you need to seek the first person who lead you to him and cry unto him until you see something different from what you are currently experiencing in your marriage. You need to be the gospel that this man desperately needs, he needs the undiluted truth and the word of God, he needs to be informed that adultery in any form or manner is unacceptable for any couple. 
I would have suggested that you go back to your pastor but I have no idea how he managed the issues that you shared with him but I would suggest that consider prayers and communication as your first approach, where there's no visible change in his attitude, then you may consider seeking for counselling with your husband. 
If for any reason he's still hitting you, kindly take your children and return back home pending when both of you have reconciled and are emotionally mature to handle your differences without being violent. 
His grace is sufficient for you even in times when you don't feel happy with your husband, and I pray that God will arrest your husband and help him return back to God who delivered him from the yoke of sin.

2 comments:

  1. Pheeew..
    The judgement day will be wonderful...
    Vice president of Excellent men whose life is in a state of decay...It's a shame..
    And to that girl that delights in wrecking peoples matrimony, i pray she knows no peace...
    Her own home will be a source of turbulence to her life...
    It's so difficult to tell you what is the best remedy to this situation...
    It's like you're at crossroads...
    Your children...Your husband and Yourself...
    Leaving might not be the best option except the beating continues...
    However, if his parents or yours are still alive or any trustworthy person you know, do well to inform them of this situation..
    But i must let you know that what has taken hold of your husband is not ordinary...It is one of the most difficult forces to reckon with in marriage...
    It's a force that can be neutralized by divine intervention whether he's called to order or not...
    Atimes...this situation seems so unbearable but in all sincerity...i must urge you to fight this battle spiritually..
    Make sure you're in right terms with God and seek the face of God...The prayer of the righteous heart avails much...
    The problem might not be solved immediately but do not relent..God is a master planner and in His time...he makes things right...
    It could be a spell on him but just know that there's a spirit behind his actions and no amount of counsel will make him change...
    Seek counsel but Pray more...

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