Saturday, April 2, 2016

He's a Good man but Womanizes!

Good morning aunty Amara. I am married and blessed with a son. My marriage is two years now. My husband is a good man, but womanizes a lot. My husband has account where he chats with woman. Recently, when I discovered the account, he was even telling a friend of mine that he's going to fuck her. I confronted him about it but he denied it. Have let him know that am ready to work with him to stop all this, but his problem is that, he does not want to accept that he owns that account.
I don't have quarrels with my husband expect for ladies' issues. Let the truth be told, I don't lack anything. He does not deprive me of material thing. I try my best to satisfy him sexually, he keeps telling those ladies in that fake account that he wants to fuck them, and that he likes fat ladies with big breast.
Now I have spoken to him, begged him to change. Even fasted and prayed, yet to no avail. Last year, I developed BP problem that am still struggling with. Sometimes when am happy and remember his could be cheating, I will become depressed and unhappy. I got so used to checking his messages, and even his social media messages. When he discovered, he changed his security code. He's so use to his phone that he can't stay an hour without pressing it.
Although he told me his past, on how he cheated on me and promised not to do them again, he always told people he cheated during courtship and has never cheated since we got married. But why am finding it difficult to believe him is that he keeps calling ladies name on social media like, hello sexy, hello darling, hello honey, and I like your big boobs, can I suck it and these his friends are not in Nigeria and although he has never been out of Nigeria.
What I want now is to be taught how to live my life without worrying about his cheating attitude, how to start loving my self and my child, how to be a good wife even when I hate him so much? I have lost my love for him. How do I start making myself happy? Thanking you for helping partners build their homes.

You have tried talking about it, you have also tried monitoring his phone, social media and his messages but they've not yielded a better results. 
In addition to praying and fasting, I will suggest that you either suggest that both of you meet a counsellor, who will help him understand the gravity of his attitude and why he must make amends for the sake of your health and happiness in your marriage. 
It's possible that he doesn't sleep with those online friends but because he's married, using such utterances on others is enough to push you to the wall and make you feel insecure in your home. 
Infidelity isn't only when you have caught a partner in the bed having sex with another person, it's also anything that a partner does that makes the other person feel inferior, insecure and jealous in his or her marriage. 
He needs to understand that flirting with other ladies or chatting in an erotic manner with strange ladies whether home or abroad is wrong and unacceptable for married couple. He shouldn't engage in anything that makes you feel worried about his faithfulness and commitment to the marriage and your family. 
Most times, snooping through the phone and the social media of your partner wouldn't help you win the battle against infidelity, rather it will make your partner feel as though you are controlling his or her life and as such will explore ways to defend himself or herself and continue with his or her attitude.
My suggestion will be to surrender your husband and your worries to God, to continue to pray for him and allow God to bring him back home. I know that you will find it difficult trusting him after all you have read and all he has shared with you about his past, but one thing that we cannot rule out is the fact that he's not beyond God's redemptive power and grace. 
Do not sit down and do nothing but do not trust in your efforts but invite God into your home, pray with him, pray for him and study God's word with him. 
Remember that getting worried about anything will never solve anything for you and also have this at the back of your mind that you need to be alive to enjoy the promises of marriage and to take good care of your children. 
Always confess this to yourself that you are too beautiful to be a competition with a strange women. You are too precious to lose your marriage, you have so much virtues inside of you to be worried about your husband's attitude. You have so much inside of you, which was why your husband chose you amongst all other women. 
Meditate on God's word, build up your spiritual man, nourish your heart with God's word, let his word give you peace, joy and eternal hope. Fortify yourself with praises and worships even when you are not comfortable with the attitude of your husband. 
Praise God in advance for what he's already working out for your family and stand in the gap for your family. 
Your husband still loves you, what the devil is doing is lure him or tempt him or push him to commit adultery so what we need to do is pray that God will deliver him from the spirit of adultery that is controlling his life and not to hate him entirely. Because he's a good man wearing a womanising attitude, you shouldn't throw the good man away but you should draw this good man close to your heart with love and prayerfully destroy the womanising spirit in him.
Hating your husband won't help him nor will it help you win the battle, you need to love him but hate the devil who is fighting to win the heart of your husband and destroy your marriage. This you must not allow in your marriage and all you need to do is continually pray for him until he has overcome this attitude. 
His grace is sufficient for you even in troubling times. Hold unto God and be encouraged by his promises for your marriage.

1 comment:

  1. My dear, to add to what Madam has said, have you tried being your husband's mistress? He might just be seeking attention.
    Be his mistress and chat with him anyhow he wants it. Bless you.


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