Friday, April 15, 2016

Life is Unfair to Me!

Good evening Aunty Amara, please I need your advice on this issue. My story is long but please bear with me. According to my parents, they said I was their only biological child, but I was treated like a maid in that house to the extent that I started making arrangement to run away, but my plans did not work out as I planned.
My father always beat me like a slave even on my eyes after which blood will gather in my eyes and breaking my hand or leg. His beating could be because I did not wash the toilet very well or I did not clean the house very well. I was scared of being in that house. My mother always abused me emotionally.
I am the shy type maybe because of the way they abused me calling me all sorts names like being useless. I mustered up courage sometime ago to ask my mother who my real parents were, she said they were my real parents and started calling me idiot for asking her that question. Our neighbours always discuss about the way the so called parents treated me like a house help. They adopted a baby girl in 2006.
I got married in 2013, my parents did not spend even N5 to buy anything for me. It is not as if they don't have the money. My father have four tenants that pay him N200k each every year plus his business. He bought a sewing machine with many other things for his niece that got married two years before me. He married another wife with the things in the list which my hubby brought.
Since I got married, he has called me only twice. I was calling them regularly but at a time I stopped. My problem is that I have tried to forget all that I passed through in their hand but it is difficult. To God be the glory, I will put to bed very soon but I don't feel like inviting my mother even though I have been sending her some money. I always cry anytime I remember my condition. Even when I am maltreated by my hubby, I bear it because I know I don't have any place to run to and my salary is not enough to take care of my needs. Please I need your advice, life has been unfair to me. Thanks.

Your parents may have been unfair to you because they were expecting a son and they got a daughter, they might have been unfair to you because they felt that a lady had no value in life as compared to a man who they craved for and they might have been unfair to you because you were the reason why they're together today as husband and wife.
But the good news is that God has been exceptionally fair and rewarding to you and you have a family above who not only cares about your happiness but is in the business of making sure that you prosper in your marriage.
You have to let go, yes I know that it's painful and terrible, honestly it's an experience that you may never forget but the good news is that you can forgive everyone and open a new leaf of your journey with God.
This doesn't mean that you should invite your mother because you don't need anyone who will make you feel miserable and terrible in your marriage or remind you of the things that you are working hard to overcome. You need a serene environment, one where you are happy and fulfilled with your decisions and choices in life without feeling inferior or abused in your home.
Your father getting married to another lady is an evidence that there has been a crack in the marriage of your parents which was made visible when you left them. Also, if you are abused in your marriage by your husband, do not endure it but seek for counselling so that you can resolve the problem that's facing your home. Allowing a man to beat you and torment you emotionally and defending him by saying that you have no family is as good as digging a grave where you will bury yourself and this you must not do.
When the going is not great, you can run to your church for intervention if you don't have anything else to fall back on but you must have it at the back of your mind that you must work twice as hard to ensure that you don't become an abused object in the hands of your husband.
Pray fervently about his attitude towards you and your baby to avoid anything that will crush your marriage. I will encourage you not to give up reaching out on your family no matter how many times you choose to call or hear from them. Let your heart desire be to encourage them and pray for them but don't get so much closer to them to avoid anything that may have a negative impact in your life and marriage.
If you are not comfortable with inviting your mother, maybe you should consider engaging the services of a midwife or an obstetrician to support you for the first few weeks after putting to bed. But prepare yourself and your home for the arrival of your baby and please, I plead with you to forgive your parents and allow God to reward them for the way and manner they took care of you.
Congratulations on the safe delivery of your baby.


  1. Forgiving is realistic but Forgetting is impossible..
    That's why i strongly condemn the "Forgive and Forget phrase"...
    Forgive them in your heart just to clear every grudge...God urged us to
    But you shouldn't associate with those strangers tagged parents...
    They could still harm you...
    It's called wisdom..
    Your mother never prepared you for motherhood...
    So i feel she shouldn't reap the benefits of being a grandmother...
    If all you've said is true...
    Forgive them just to clear your conscience with God...
    The fact is...
    Once you're betrayed...things can never reamain the same again..
    We're humans...
    Forgiveness does not mean you must mingle...
    Pls don't give the devil a second chance...

  2. Love,honour and forgive them,but you may have to keep them at a distance. The better they improve,the closer they should be allowed. But,before anything,you need healing,you need wisdom and you need capacity. Get materials by JOSEPH PRINCE,and extract as much as you can from them. We wish you all these best

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