Friday, April 22, 2016

My Girlfriend is Against my Vision!

I am 29 years old and I have been in a relationship for ten years. I started dating my girlfriend since my second year in the university and we continued even after we left the university. My intention has always been to marry her which she and her family are aware of. She is also my family friend, she used to come to my house and spend days with my family at her free will. I have done non measurable sacrifice for her due to the fact that I see her as my own self and also because I want to marry her. We have had serious issues which even involved both families but this never drove me to break-up with her but she see break-up as a way out of problems.
Am not a perfect guy, my girlfriend is very jealous and have issues with insecurity and that has always been a major cause of our issues. She is 29 years old, beautiful, intelligent and good but she sees every woman as a threat. After graduating from the university, I got a job but my salary was never enough to start a family and my dream has always been to go aboard and do my Msc program which paid off last year. I have been out of the country for one year doing my MSC programme and God has been merciful to me. I work, school and pay my bills but still am not doing bad financially like when I was still in Nigeria. The issue at hand is that I have saved some amount of money and I told my girlfriend I want to invest the little I have saved in something that will benefit both of us in future and visit Nigeria next year and marry her or do some stuffs like introduction but she refused and said that I don't have good intentions towards her and that she wants to get married this year and if I can't visit Nigeria this year to marry her I should forget her.
Barely six months I went aboard, my girlfriend left me and started dating someone else whom I have always believed was just a friend, prior to the breakup we had no issues, she left me because she felt that what we had is not a relationship and her new guy was ready to marry her as soon as possible but after some months she pleaded with me and I accepted her back in my life. I communicate with her regularly, I try to support her financially and materially.
Please Aunty is it wrong for me to decide to invest the little I have saved in landed properties and postpone my visit to Nigeria next year? I expected my girlfriend to be happy that I have the vision to save and invest rather than squandering the money on worthless things. Today I feel insecure to share any intention of mine with her which does not pertain to marriage since that is the most paramount thing in her life now.


My brother, she's happy with the progress you are making and your vision for your future and her happiness. But brother, a lady who has been with you for ten good years deserve better than I love you and I am making great plans for you. At 29 years she's not as hot as those who are 16 and can play along, she desires more than your promises, she craves to be with you and to grow this great family with you for the rest her life.
She craves for her own children, her own husband, her own home and her own freedom.
Bros, that's exactly why she's been acting uncaring and unloving towards you, why postpone it again when you can sort it out and give her the assurance that she's the only lady in your life.
I'm not against your investing in a landed property but please consider making her vision a reality before investing in the properties. She has been there for you and has been there with you so I feel that if you are convinced that she's the one, then let's make things happen and put a smile on her face.
Once you have done that, you will realise that she desires more than you do to invest your savings in businesses that will yield greater rewards for both of you.
Please l am pleading on her behalf, it's not that easy for a lady to wait for a man for ten years and you still want to add another one year to her journey in a long distance relationship. I don't feel that you will encourage your friend or daughter to wait for a man for such a time but I understand all you said so I will suggest that you go for introduction and traditional wedding, then you may do the church wedding next year if you don't have enough funds. Or you may consider doing everything on a low key to save cost and plan ahead for your family.

26 comments:

  1. There is nothing wrong with you.Because you dated her does not mean it has to end in Marriage. She left you for someone else she thought was ready, and he left her. You weren't her choice, she is going with the flow. If you feel she is the one for you then go ahead and do the introduction and court marriage, if not tell her to go on ahead. she can't curse you because she already left before. Do your investments and build your future. If she can't wait till next year then she should move on. Rushing into marriage is not something you want to do, as you rush in so you will be rushing out.

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    1. So u will advice ur sister to date a man for 10 yrs without

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    2. So u will advice ur sister to date a man for 10 yrs without

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    3. Who is this funny anonymous?like seriously 10 good years....thank God U know cause exist

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  2. I feel u are selfish and irresponsible. Keeping a lady for 10 good yrs haba! Plz do the introduction and traditional. I bet it if u lose her u will never see a friend u can take as wife. U guys have come a long way y are u scard to take the bold step, gosh 10 yes os too long to date one person

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  3. @yinkissy y, i will not advice my sister to date a guy for 10 years. But if she leaves the relationship and jump into another one hoping she can return to the old one... Then i musttell her the truth. That relationship is broken and it wont work. their marriage will be shaky cz if things get bad she will do the same thing. She shouldn't have left 6 months after he went abroad to study. She caused her problems herself. He even did good by taking her back so she shouldn't be demanding, If he says next year than she should help him build(this is a test of patience since she has failed the first one). He can still marry her and send her packing or maltreat her. For him to come and write here means he doesn't want to and may end up marrying her out of pity and not because he loves her. I am female and i once dated a guy for two years which didn't work. Marriage is not a do or die affair thus one has to be very careful so you don't rush in and rush out. Marriage is not about having children, and sex. Its about self sacrifice, me making the other happy and the other making me happy. She is selfish and i don't know about the bros so i will advice he should think about it before doing anything. Thinking about it is not just now, 6 months, or 4 years. He should also think about the fact that it is a forever thing.

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    1. Dear anonymous the issues isn't about marrying her pity. But u can hear this guy saying he want another yr to plan. Haba am sure since his lday clock 26 she will start expecting commitment and am sure that when the guy will plead for masters and even abroad for that matter. my points is the guy taking his lady for granted but it's not really his fault IT cuz his been enjoying all the virtues of marriage. I defined my relationship within 3 months of meeting. The truth is dat amara herself will talk sense to the girl if she had seek for advice . He loves her

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  4. H didn't promise her marriage, so he has nothing to live up so. She should stop being desperate and work on herself. Marriage will come when God wants it to happen.

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    1. But dear in reality will u just wanna be friends with benefits to a guy for good 10 yrs. ? The guy is just afraid of commitment

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  5. 10 years no be here oooooooooo.
    Guy abeg, consider the babe.

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  6. You will advice your daughter to date a man for ten yrs and at the end of the ten yrs the man will leave her for another lady it will be normal to u.I pray it will come to u

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    1. Did you read the article at all?

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  7. You will advice your daughter to date a man for ten yrs and at the end of the ten yrs the man will leave her for another lady it will be normal to u.I pray it will come to u

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  8. @ekene, i reject it. Your curses will come back to you. You Nigerians need to face reality. In that 10 years, didn't you read that she left him.. In that 10 years didn't you read that the relationship was on and off? That's an unhealthy relationship. If he marries her out of pity or bcz all of you are saying he should marry her(will you be there when they have problems to plead), either of them would be frustrated for life. the bible aid "he who finds a wife finds a good thing, (he is not married, so she is not a wife). All you Nigerians should wake and face reality, this is one of the reasons the rate of divorce is high in a country that didn't know anything about divorce yet you blame it on social media and western world. Poster, do as you deem fit. If she can't wait till next year and you have doubts about marrying her then pray and talk to her and go your way. The worst thing you can ever do to a woman is marry her out of pity. This is a very familiar case

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    1. U said u are a female. Can u put urself in the girl's shoe. You have not heard the other side of the story and u have judged ur fellow female. Does it take millions of naira for someone to do introduction in Igbo land even the trad can be done. At least some actions will calm the lady down. He is being inconsiderate and selfish

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    2. Yes i am.. I have experienced worse. My ex promised me marriage and when i say promise i mean he gave me a ring, took me to the priest and asked he bless us as husband and wife. AFter two years what happened? He denied me, denied giving me a ring, he denied ever taking me to any priest for him to bless us. Truth be told, I understand the girl but the guy has done alot for her by even taking her back after she left him. If he says he would marry her then she should wait and if she can't she should move on simple. She is also being selfish. No where it is written in the bible that a woman can not marry after 30 or have children after 30. If he marries her now and they start having issues in the marriage what do you think he would tell her? Every woman needs to grow up, if he can't afford the money for traditional marriage and church and can do introduction as he said then he is free to. Look at this; Why is she keen on marrying the man who is abroad? Why did her parents let her go with another man when they knew he wanted to marry her.. There is more to the story. He should do as he pleases. If they are meant to be nothing would hinder them, no excuse and no ultimatum. She can't be giving a man an ultimatum if she doesn't have low self esteem.

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    3. Haha are u Nigerian at all do u live in this country? @29 a lady is already tag *eeya God Will do it* and the guy himself will never forget the treasure he missed

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  9. It's very cheap to give advice. Please image it was you. Well, do unto others what you wish they do you.
    Mrs Amara. Thump's up.
    Poster, every thing dey your hands.

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  10. Hahahahaha just laughing at the comments. So you people think you're smarter than Aunty Amara right? Anyway, at Anonymous: Your attitude alone shows why your would be husband left you after two years. To my dear brother who wrote this: Please go and take care of the traditional rites, because you may never find a friend in a wife as such as the lady if you lose her. Many men became successful only after marriage. Do the right thing, and God will honor you with wealth. Remember,when you have a wife who's a prayer partner situations bow, and doors of the realms opens. God bless you,as you take that bold step today in Jesus name.

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    1. Truely marriages comes with its own Blessing am a testimony to this

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  11. My dear talk is cheap,let them talk,which priest bless you as husband and wife,is that how they bless without witnesses,abeg chill,the girl had tried,you Nigerians,thats what you cal,you had just behaved like one.Talk wisdom plz,somebody left you after a while,how body be you,and you wanted her to just relax and wait,is the man hilding only her there,how are you sure he is not even comparing her with anybody,he took him back,is it inside his house he took her back,i dnt understand the way some human beings reason,abegy,well is the boy that wrote if its the girl,i will advise her better,is it not this abroad i follow live too.Abeg aunty Amara,thankGod for divine wisdom,you will start censoring some msgs.here...mtcheww@

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  12. My dear talk is cheap,let them talk,which priest bless you as husband and wife,is that how they bless without witnesses,abeg chill,the girl had tried,you Nigerians,thats what you cal,you had just behaved like one.Talk wisdom plz,somebody left you after a while,how body be you,and you wanted her to just relax and wait,is the man hilding only her there,how are you sure he is not even comparing her with anybody,he took him back,is it inside his house he took her back,i dnt understand the way some human beings reason,abegy,well is the boy that wrote if its the girl,i will advise her better,is it not this abroad i follow live too.Abeg aunty Amara,thankGod for divine wisdom,you will start censoring some msgs.here...mtcheww@

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  13. @ anonymous,she should probably wait for him to get his masters, buy proposed land,renovate his parents house, build a befitting house , not forgetting they wont be trekking -they need a car, miscellaneous and then might be marriage when shes close to menopause!

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    1. Abi cuz our WANTS can never finish.

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    2. Abi cuz our WANTS can never finish.

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  14. Anonymous am not against all you have said but saying she is desperate is completely out of course. Telling her to be patient there is nothing wrong with that but at the same time coming down to do even the simple introduction or traditional marriage will calm all of this raging storm which I believe is not a too much thing for the lady to ask for. My dear anonymous I want you to see things from a different perspective, in this our present age, men are so deceptive and I know what am saying because am a man. In the course of their relationship there is no doubt this guy has slept with this lady time and again, so believe me I know what am saying if this guy does not love this lady as much as he does years back, he may just be looking for where to anchor his excuse on for not marrying her. The big question is, if he proceed with the introduction and traditional marriage, would he not still return to the same abroad and continue with his job and get the landed properties next year??? It is simple, if he still loves this lady he should go ahead and do the needful this year but if he is already having doubt of his feelings for her then he should move on but I bet he will be hurting someone and that decision may hunt him for long. We are all here to profer solutions but the final decision to take rest solely on the shoulder of the one who brought up the issue.

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