Saturday, April 23, 2016

Not Comfortable Living in his Family House!

Hello aunty Amara good morning. My name is O***, have been married for a year and five months though am yet to take in. Aunty there is this issue that have been bothering my mind and has really been making me feel very uneasy and it also causes issues between I and my husband.
Since the day we got married we have been living in the house his father built, though the father is late but the mum is alive and my husband is the second son. So we live in the family house with his mum and elder sis who is retarded. Others live in other states but do come down for visits and business.
Ma, I just want to know if it is really proper for us to continue living in this house. I want us to get an apartment of our own and have our own home but he said since he stays here in Nnewi and is the only son on ground that he thinks he should stay here and God has also asked him to stay here.
But ma no matter how I try to reason and accept it, am not comfortable with this whole issue and am not happy with it. Am just confused and I trust with the help of the Holy Spirit you can help advice me. Thank you very much.

If both of you have your privacy in the family house and he is currently working in his home town, I don't think that it is entirely bad for him to stay with his mother, perhaps this can also be a means to support his mother and save some money for other investments.
What I feel that you should focus on is in his plans for your family especially when your children arrive and the plans he has concerning building an apartment and making other investments if he has the resources.
If he has a clear cut vision for his future and he has plans on how to make sure that you have the privacy and the freedom that you crave for and the independence that will enable you to take care of your home and children without being afraid of his mother's opinions or any other inconveniences that his siblings may be to you.
Don't push for him to leave his mother, he may become defensive and feel that you don't appreciate the complexities of his family, instead find out what's his plans for you and your children, does he plan to buy a land and build his own house no matter how small, does he have plans for you and your children if his elder brother returns home or if there's a contingency plans which may affect you and your privacy, does he understand that as a lady that you need some privacy so that you can express yourself as you wish without being too careful and worried about someone else peeping through the window.
These and many more will help him have a better picture of your reasons for desiring for an apartment or somewhere else where his family won't interfere in your own marriage.
While it's not the best idea for a new couple to live with their family, you have to consider the circumstances and the environment where you are married to before pushing for independence to avoid pushing your husband out of your life and then push yourself out of your own marriage.
Be patient, prayerful and hopeful that he will understand your worries and concerns and attend to your need without feeling that you don't consider his own challenges or limitations at the moment.

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