Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Not Comfortable with my Fiancée's Accommodation!

Hello Aunty Amara Good morning.
I'm a lady of 27 who's about settling down in no time after three years in a relationship. The problem I have is, my fiancée is living with his two elder brothers and two other family members(females) in a two bedroom flat. Many things go wrong in the house, like he shares his bedroom with his immediate elder brother, they go in and out of his bedroom like no man's business, they take food from the pot immediately I finish cooking, they see me as a threat, they bring in women to the house and have control over the TV and which channel should be on.
Seriously, I've pondered on all these and is giving me a very big concern. The distance female cousins see me as a competition. They believe they should be the ones to find a woman for their brother, like I heard they succeeded in destroying one of his relationships and he did nothing about it. Now this my fiancée is a compassionate man and his family is using his weakness against him as he doesn't know how to say no to someone. They try at all time to manipulate him. Now he promised to find a place for them before our marriage but I don't see that zeal in him and he's not doing anything about it. Now he said after our wedding. I've even promised to assist if money is the problem which I know is not. Please just know that these people are not kids... The elder brothers are 40,38 but single. while the ladies are 32 and 26 not married too. This issue is eating me up. I don't express myself freely because I fear someone is somewhere listening or peeping to what I'm saying or have to say.
Please, I still have other suitors coming, I'm only concerned because I love him. I can't put everything into writing but so many things is not going right. Note, I don't live with him but visits and have witnessed a lot through the years we have been together.

Please house, I need a sincere advice. Thank you!


When you send your message to me for counselling, please do not leave some part of your message out of the mail so that you can get a wholesome counselling and not a summary of the temporary challenges in your relationship(just a suggestion for you).
You and your partner must sit down and reach a compromise on some important and sensitive necessities before following him to the altar to exchange vows as husband and wife.
One of those sensitive necessities is your privacy in your home, this is non negotiable if you hope to at least enjoy your honeymoon and not feel like you're naked in your home. Granted that every family have their own challenges, there must be some careful decision that must be made by anyone who desires to get married to avoid fighting those who you shouldn't have any reason to exchange words with.
If he doesn't see the need to separate totally from his relatives structurally and completely, I will not encourage you to agree to his opinion because that will be putting yourself in a lion's den.
You must help him understand that being a good man doesn't mean that he shouldn't an opinion and make some painful decisions on some issues that concerns him and his family. He needs to be focused on building his life so that he doesn't end up becoming so good that he fails to prepare himself for his own responsibilities.
You don't need to challenge anyone or force him to do anything, if he's not willing to make some changes and at least separate himself from his family, friends and relatives, please do not consider getting married to him in your own best interest.

2 comments:

  1. The hard truth is...
    A man who is not ready to leave his family is not ready to cleave to a woman...
    Please do not consent when he tries to procrastinate it till after marriage...
    Once you get married to him, coupled with his weak attitude, that little zeal in him will fade and he'll accommodate them in your home then get ready for hell on earth...
    You already know what they're capable of and it will be so foolish of you to bring them into your matrimonial home...
    They'll frustrate you to pieces and even turn your husband against you...
    You'll walk alone...
    Please...if you're sure money is not the problem..Give him a deadline to do what is right...
    And if he's still complacent...kindly avoid this looming catastrophe by moving on without further delay...
    Love alone does not solve every problem..
    Be wise

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  2. My dear sister is better you dnt put yourself in what you can't handle cos leaving with ones husband family is not easy @ all. I ll advice you reach on conclusion on how he's going 2 get another apartment 4 both of you nd leave that 1 for dem before marriage.because it will not be an easy task after marriage and if you think he's not ready 2 yield my dear you better excuse yourself for some time till when he thinks what you are saying is right. That type of husband is what I call"BABY HUSBAND" may God open his ear and heart for you..

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