Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Part of me Want Him Back but I'm Scared!

Hello aunty Amara, I'm an ardent reader of your page. I really need your advice and that of your fans because I feel terribly hurt right now.
I'm a young lady in my 20s, I met this guy in the year 2011 and we were friends for about a year then we started dating; it wasn't a relationship I enjoyed because we hardly see and the communication was bad because he was always busy with work. We saw like once or twice a month, it went on for a year and half then I decided to call it quit because it wasn't working, we hardly talk,chat or see. I wanted my friend back, we became friends again but I guess the relationship affected our friendship a bit.
Due to some reasons I can't really remember we lost contact, I tried sending him messages on Facebook but he's been offline for a long time.
He called me last year and apologized for everything, his phone was stolen and when he got a new new one he didn't have my number anymore, until he met a friend of mine by chance and got it from her.
We started chatting, calling and then we saw again and again. He works in a new place and he had more time to spare and was settled. To cut the story short, we started dating again, this time he was more loving, caring in fact he was just perfect and I fell so much in love with him. My family and friends knew him, I was proud of him. I might have been in a couple of relationships in the past but everything seemed different with him. I really love him.
I went to his house during the Easter period to spend a week with him, he went out one morning to get some food stuff from the market, aunty this guy cleans, wash, cook and pet me so much. I was home alone but then I started looking for what to do to keep myself busy till he returns. I went to the wardrobe to look for any dirty cloth so I'll help him wash them, I saw just one, the cloth looked old and I haven't seen him on it before, I took it to wash but before that I searched the pockets and what I saw baffled me. I saw a birth certificate of a baby boy delivered late last year and the name of the baby's mother was my boyfriend's ex, I also saw receipt of the medical payment he made while she was at the hospital.
Aunty if I say I was shocked I guess that'll be an understatement. I neatly folded the papers back and waited for him to come. When he came back he didn't say anything so I asked him if there's anything he feels I should know, he said he has something he'd want to tell me but he's waiting for the right time. Then I asked him if he had a child with his ex he was surprised but answered yes, I felt miserable and hurt. I left his house the next day and since then he has been calling to beg and apologize.
I really don't know what to do now because a part of me still want him back but I'm scared that he might have other secret he's keeping from me and I don't think I'm ready to compete with anybody for his love and attention since the lady in question is equally young and according to him she's trying to trap him with the baby cos I guess she still loves him.

I understand how you felt seeing such a sensitive document and I know that you never expected such from him. However, for the fact that a lady had a child for a man doesn't necessarily mean that he's in love with her nor does it also imply that he must end up with the mother of his son.
I will suggest that you still talk extensively with him and find out more information about his relationship with the mother of his son, his plans for the lady and his son, his vision for himself and his marriage and why he feels that you are the lady that he wishes to marry.
On your own part, you must first examine your heart to know if you have the capacity to take care of his son as yours, treat him like you would treat yours, give him equal treatment and care, and help your partner manage his home even with the distractions from the other lady.
You should have it at the back of your mind that by the virtue of his son, he will always keep in touch with her and find out how his son is doing, and that doesn't mean that he's already sleeping with her or cheating on you (though it's a possibility). You must be emotionally prepared, spiritually sensitive and psychologically stable for you to help him move on from his past relationship with his ex.
But please don't panic or get unnecessarily worried, hear him out so that you can decide whether you are comfortable with him and his son or you should move on with your life and trust God for your own husband.

1 comment:

  1. Nne, this guy will go back to his baby mama, especially if he is Igbo; unless the mama has does him completely.
    Most part of these men is always with their baby and the mama.
    Trust me


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